January 4, 2023 at 1:31 pm #413207
Thank you for your response once Again Anita. Will definitely update you on if I was brave to ask or just chickened out lol, but all that depends on how close we have gotten.January 4, 2023 at 1:43 pm #413210
I have actually thought about that circulation or rumor thingy. I guess I will just have to pipe down with the flirting and PDA especially if her close friends who are also colleagues are there, cos I feel like these are the Judas’s that can sell you out because they are jealous of the chemistry she and I have.
yes I also thought of the rejection aspect. If she rejects me, there might be a sort of awkwardness between both of us. She may not be as free as she used to be before and I may not be as free with her as well because I may feel inferior.
For the last part of your question. We have no control about whom we love or are attracted to. It just happened and I can’t get over it. I often times obsess over her at work, if she doesn’t coke to the office, I don’t feel motivated to keep doing the work. I am always at my best when she smiles at her.January 5, 2023 at 6:43 am #413233
You are very welcome. I am so sorry to read that same-sex relationships in your country is illegal!
bbc. com/homosexuality, the countries where it is illegal to be gay (May 2021): “A crackdown on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people in Cameroon has resulted in the arrest or assault by security forces of dozens of people this year, according to Human Rights Watch. In the most recent incident, two transgender Cameroonians have been sentenced to five years in prison after being found guilty of “attempted homosexuality”…. There are 69 countries that have laws that criminalise homosexuality, and nearly half of these are in Africa. However, in some countries there have been moves to decriminalise same-sex unions…”
forbes. com/ map shows where it’s illegal to be gay… (May 2020): “It’s still illegal to be LGBT+ in 70 countries, and you could be given the death penalty in 12… half of Europe has made no progress on LGBT+ rights since last year. And for the second year in a row, it shows that countries are moving backwards on the Rainbow Index, as existing protections are disappearing…”.
You wrote: “Before I ask her this question, like ‘What she thinks of same-sex relationships?’ I want to build our friendship and be sure she is comfortable talking to me about anything about herself… Will definitely update you on if I was brave to ask or just chickened out lol, but all that depends on how close we have gotten“- I wasn’t aware yesterday of how dangerous it may be to ask her about her thoughts on same-sex relationships . I understand you chickening out for various reasons, a few of which are: not knowing her response, risking your job and maybe your freedom and safety as well…
You wrote: “We have no control about whom we love or are attracted to. It just happened and I can’t get over it. I often times obsess over her at work, if she doesn’t come to the office, I don’t feel motivated to keep doing the work. I am always at my best when she smiles at her“- beautifully said and expressed!
anitaJanuary 5, 2023 at 7:52 am #413235
I do think that we have control over what we want in relationships. We have the ability to reject those that have the potential to damage our lives.
My concern is that in a situation you immediately described as dangerous, you choose to repeatedly indulge in obsessing over a coworker.January 6, 2023 at 12:13 pm #413301
How are you, Swanky?
anitaJanuary 7, 2023 at 12:19 pm #413398
I am doing fine Anita and you? It’s really not being easy being next to someone who makes you have butterflies in your stomach and you can’t tell them. Thanks for your advice and I appreciate you checking on me.
if you don’t mind, I would like to have your WhatsApp number, just incase I want to rant or discuss matters with you. But it’s fine if you can’t give me your number. I appreciate.January 8, 2023 at 7:12 am #413440
Good to read back from you, you are very welcome and thank you for your appreciation! I remember butterflies in my stomach… felt nice at times, uncomfortably intense at other times.
And I am fine, thank you, better this Sun morning than I was Sat morning when I woke up in an ungodly early hour! Regarding WhatsApp- I don’t have it, don’t even have Facebook, I rarely communicate via regular email and most of my communication with people is done right here, on this public forum. But I understand how uncomfortable it is sometimes to communicate on a public forum because anyone can reply, and sometimes not in a kind, accepting way. Is this your experience on public forums such as this?
anitaJanuary 8, 2023 at 10:18 am #413452
I’m sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable, that wasn’t my intention.
At every stage, when anita or I asked about the dangers you are facing you ignored the questions. What is important to me is your safety, which is why I suggested that it might not be a good idea to feed this crush and why I was curious about why you choose to do so.
Please feel free to continue your discussion with anita about your crush. I’ll leave you both to it.January 8, 2023 at 10:43 am #413455
Forgot to add. Just incase you’re ever interested it is possible to claim asylum in countries that don’t persecute LGBTQ+ communities.January 8, 2023 at 11:55 am #413457JanusParticipant
There are 69 countries where it’s illegal to identify as LGBTQ+ (Thanks Anita for sharing the resources). If you are in a country where you might be fired from your workplace, face discrimination or might experience physical harm then it’s important to think safety first. I agree with Anita on her advice about maybe sometime at lunch asking your Boss what she thinks about same-sex relationships. I would approach things slowly like you said becoming good friends with her and getting to know each other better. LGBTQ+ people do not choose who they love or how they identify, they just are and they’re valid for it.
Going off what Helcat said about having control in relationships, I believe that people do have control in how they act in relationships. LGBTQ+ people do not have choices on who they love or how they identify and it’s okay and valid for you to have feelings for your Boss who is female. But you have control over your actions so it’s important that you keep things indiscreet because if rumors start in the workplace it could be detrimental to your safety. Maybe get to know each other better, if you like her personality and feel you two truly connect maybe invite her to a place where it’s safe to talk about things.January 12, 2023 at 3:42 am #413632
Hi Anita, Trust you’re doing okay? Thank you so much for all the support thus far. So I just found out that she may not be into girls. So I was like goofing around as usual and offered to help her give her a massage since she works out everyday and I mentioned a male’s name, ok so in this case I will use “Brian”. So I said “If Brian isn’t helping out with the massage I can help” So she laughed and asked which Brian and that there was no Brian. So she went on further to ask if I was a Masseuse and replied No, but I can be a Masseuse for only her not anyone else, then she chuckled and said Brian will do the massage better. Well at least I got the answer I have been looking for all along and I don’t have to overthink the situation anymore. Moving on to better things.January 12, 2023 at 7:06 am #413634
I am okay, thank you for asking. And you are very welcome, I am sorry though that you will not be having with her the exciting relationship you were hoping for. The positive side of it: no workplace drama or trouble in this regard.
“I don’t have to overthink the situation anymore“- you have a huge advantage over many people who can’t help but overthink situations.
“Moving on to better things“– I wonder what better things you are moving on to…(?)
anitaJanuary 12, 2023 at 7:56 am #413638
Yea it’s good to know anyways that I wouldn’t be having any work place drama. Uhh!! Well by better things, I mean by drowning my self in work so I don’t have to ponder over my loss. That and I may reduce chatting with her too, hopefully she doesn’t notice. I just need space for now. Thank goodness we don’t go to work everyday, so that’s a huge advantage for me.January 12, 2023 at 8:17 am #413639
“Well by better things, I mean by drowning myself in work so I don’t have to ponder over my loss“- I was thinking only yesterday, in general, about the loss of hopes and dreams: how these are not losses of things that really happened, but losses of the excited, alive-feeling that they may be happening very soon. Hopes and desires can be so strong, filling us with such intense excited optimism, that losing that feeling is a big loss, leaving us sad, maybe depressed. Is that how you feel?
anitaJanuary 12, 2023 at 11:17 am #413652
To be honest I feel terrible Anita, cos the excitement to come to work because of this person is no longer there. Now I secretly wish they would alternate the days I go to work, so we can work on different days. I honestly never thought a time will come like this. Lol pls don’t feel sorry for me because I knew what I was getting into.
Secondly I feel I maybe overthinking it though as I tend to overthink things a-lot, I kinda have the feeling she knows I was attracted to her and with the question about me offering my masseuse services, she might have just added 2 and 2 and got her answer, reason for her response. Well I guess I am just worried that things may become awkward for us and as such I may not be able to hug, peck her like I used too. I would definitely stop it though, since she probably has deciphered what my intentions are, so I don’t irritate her.