January 13, 2023 at 11:49 am #413721
You are welcome. “If we are both mature about it, we can move on“- but what is the “it” that the two of you should be mature about: if she can really read your mind and you can read hers, then you would be having a mental honest and direct conversation and a chance to be mature and move on.
“what’s the point of discussing with her about my feelings… It won’t ease the pain I am feeling at the moment. Hopefully things won’t get too difficult for me“- if it won’t ease your pain, then there is no point in having a (real-life vs mental) honest, direct conversation with her, and maybe there will not be a point to it in the future. I am not recommending that you do something that is too uncomfortable for you to do…!
“Will update you on her attitude towards me by next week if it has changed“- good, I am looking forward to your update!
anitaJanuary 13, 2023 at 12:54 pm #413722SwankyParticipant
“If we are both mature about it, we can move on“- but what is the “it” that the two of you should be mature about: if she can really read your mind and you can read hers, then you would be having a mental honest and direct conversation and a chance to be mature and move on.
So by “It” I mean, I know for a fact she has an impression that I maybe into girls, but is just pretending not to know. I have done a lot of things and said a lot of stuff that is more than the normal friendship. For instance, last week, I showed her, what name I use in storing her contact on my phone and put it as “Dani my Love”. So this new development maybe strange to her, which is why I said she might be awkward when next we meet and it just depends on how mature we both are. She is not the religious type, she is very open-minded which is why I like her, but still even open-minded may not be open to being approached by same-sex. So that’s why I think she might be awkward and if she is mature, we can always forget the flirting ever happened and move on.January 13, 2023 at 1:14 pm #413724
I understand better now, since you explained it to me. “(Her name) My Love” is quite obvious. Well, since she is pretending not to know, if she feels awkward, that’s on her. I mean, you didn’t do anything wrong when you expressed a same-sex interest in her.. so you shouldn’t feel awkward. I hope I am making sense (it is later in the day for me)..
anitaJanuary 17, 2023 at 3:10 am #413952SwankyParticipant
how are you? It’s been a while. Thanks for all you do. So I am just seeing her for the first time this week and everything looks normal, although I think there might be some changes, but I maybe wrong though. She greeted me normal without the side hugs and we chatted a little with other colleagues. I kinda have a feeling she has her reservations about me but wouldn’t say, but ohh well it’s cool and I later did some deep reflection and found out the relationship looks one-sided. She never messages me on a personal note, except of course I message her and that’s a turn-off for me.
So that singular attitude has aided me to move on asap. In fact when I saw her this morning, I didn’t feel awkward, I just chatted and teased her like I always do. Just not with the back hugs and kisses. I really would like someone who is emotionally available but she isn’t.January 17, 2023 at 7:11 am #413965
Good to read from you again. I am fine, thank you, and you are welcome!
“She greeted me normal without the side hugs… I just chatted and teased her like I always do. Just not with the back hugs and kisses”- it makes sense that being, like you said, that (1) she is aware that you are interested in her in a same-sex kind of way, (2) she is not interested in you in this way… that she will not offer you side-hugs. and that you will not initiate any physical contact with her: no hugs and no kisses.
Seems to me that if you participated in any hugs and kisses with her at this point and onward, in the workplace, you could be subject to a sexual harassment suit (at least you would be if this happened in the U.S). So, please be careful, Swanky, and accept the situation as it is. The Serenity Prayer comes to my mind: “grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference”.
anitaJanuary 25, 2023 at 12:03 pm #414439
How are you, Swanky??