Dear Milda

Your phrase – If I just come back to the old behavior, I would be extremelly unhappy, stressed for the rest of my life. But everyone around me will be very comfortable. I want to be happy. I really, truly want to be happy and free.

If that was true then surely the people around you would already be happy as all your life as you bowed down to their wants time & time again They would not have been sad (mum) & sarcastic (dad). You can not keep people happy all of the time even a robot cannot do that. Investing your self worth in someone else’s bottomless pit does not bring about happiness to anyone no matter what you were told or believe.
What I love about buddhism is it middle way approach – not sublimitating yourself entirely to your parents on one extreme or being totally self-obsessed & selfish on the other.
Get a piece of paper & for a couple of minutes put aside your parents voices. How do you want to live your life? just write or draw what comes to mind. this might give you a starting point. Then put it down go for a walk have a cup of tea, come back & see what is your voice, ethics etc & weed out or amend any statements that do not truly feel authentically yours. Later you can explore ways of putting this into real life .
Sorry my battery is about to go, but maybe I have ssaid enough anyway.
best wishes
Roberta

Hi Alessa

I did a mindful meditation on an apple & after I ate it I planted the core in a pot & now a dozen years on I have a beautiful apple tree with yummy apples in our meditation centre. I like to forage for wild spinach near our seashore or on the cliffs.
Are you in the UK or Europe? Didn’t they use acorns as a coffee substitute in the war? What kind of dish were you thinking of making?
Once up at Samye I came across some wild strawberries growing out of the rocks above the stream they we very small but tasted divine.

My dad was poorly the other week-boy did we go thru some nappies it is funny how looking after someone who is poorly is just as tiring if not more so than when they are up & about. I hope your son feels better soon.

Dear Jana
I hope you had chance to visit one of your favourite wild places.
I live on a small island which in WWII had a dark history which even though the camps are no longer easily visible the huge concrete defences that was built using slave labour are a reminder of man’s inhumanity to man.
The sea, wind & sunshine have cleansed a lot of the oppressiveness. 70 years of children’s laughter helps to bring a sense of peace & fun to the place.
I see you asked whether I had been a Buddhist nun. It is my aspiration to take robes I already hold the life precepts of no mind altering substances & no romantic/intimate relations. I also do not wear makeup, jewellery or perfume. My attire is mainly plain & simple. Being my father’s sole carer leaves little or no time for formal practices which were part of my daily life.I now listen to short dharma talks each day & when I get to bed I do a short practice so that my mind is on the dharma as I fall asleep. For 7 years 2009 – 2016 I had the freedom to do retreats & receive teachings mainly at the Tibetan monastery in Scotland.

Hi
I was exploring the word fixed and its other meaning as something solid rooted as in
I was fixed to the spot
A nut & bolt so fixed that it couldn’t be undone
Our fate was fixed in the stars
A ship will fix its course
The belief that our brain/character became fixed after a certain age ( give me the boy till the age of 7 & I will give you the man) until neuroplasticity was discovered.
regards
Roberta

Dear Nez
I find it helps to distinguish between hugs & cuddles.
Hugs can in general be short or long to share happiness & also to console to be shared with loved ones & strangers of both sexes.
For me cuddles have a more intimate nature & can lead to more intimate encounter of a sexual nature.
Then there is something inbetween where you are totally comfortable together where I think of the person as a brother & he thinks of me as a sister & are happy to snuggle up & watch a movie together. When either of us are in a relationship with others we just have a quick hug as a greeting or farewell & still call each other bro & sis. We are quite a huggy group.

Hi Alessa
Well done you for being pro active in keeping both your son & other children safe. Over the years I have witnessed so many parents disengaged & disinterested in their children.
Where else does your son get to socialise with his peers? Going to a playpark allows him to interact with other children with no toys involved, although pinch points such as queing for a turn on a slide can try little one patience.
A game that I play at preschool is hunt the dinosaur or insect – I hide the objects around the garden or room & they have to seek them out – I always hide some that are easy to find plus a few tricky ones so if a child is getting disheartened I can gently give them clues to its whereabouts.
Playing – one for you one for me helps with sharing like apple slices or other small snacks & you can take turns doing it. The phrase one little girl taught me is “sharing is caring & caring is sharing”
When my youngest was little he had a friend that would kick out so when visiting my house I got all the children to take off their shoes that way the child would do less damage to another child & would actually be able to feel their own ouch if they kicked a wall or furniture etc. Remeber that our sense is only getting one set of feed back when we are touching another compared to when we touch our own skin. When I worked in a carehome it felt weird to wash someones face etc because I had no idea what sensation they were receiving from me. One guy really liked to have his back scrubbed hard & said that no one did it hard enough!
Simple communication say ouch loudly & then that hurt & rub the sore spot will give your son some feed back.
Good luck
Roberta

Hi
There has been accusations & acknowledgements, explanations & apologies, yet there still feels a heavy atmosphere here – let go of the past, allow wounds to be healed – a scab that is forever being picked at either by ourselves or others will only get bigger & inflamed.

Seek your own peace with each breath. We each have our own sorrows to a greater or lesser extent, but it is not a competition.
We are travelers on journey, we choose to cross paths with other Tiny Buddha pilgrims and walk a while side by side.

Hi
I think the onus on each of us both individually & collectively is to practice compassion & respect at all times – not just when conflict arises. using the teachings of right speech is the foundation & the on going remedy to probably all situations

Buddhist Right Speech, or sammā vācā, is a component of the Noble Eightfold Path that promotes truthful, gentle, beneficial, and timely communication. It involves abstaining from four unskillful forms of speech: false speech (lying), slanderous speech (divisive or divisive language), harsh speech (abusive words), and idle chatter (gossip). The practice requires careful discernment to ensure words are true, beneficial, and spoken at the right time.
The Four Types of Unwholesome Speech to Avoid
False speech (lying): Speaking what is not true.
Slanderous speech (divisive speech): Using words to create separation or conflict between people.
Harsh speech (abusive speech): Speaking words that are hurtful, cruel, or offensive.
Idle chatter (gossip): Engaging in frivolous, meaningless, or time-wasting conversation.
The Five Guidelines for Right Speech
To cultivate Right Speech, one should endeavor to speak words that are:
Timely: Said at an appropriate moment, when the situation is right.
True: Factual, accurate, and not misleading.
Gentle: Soft, calm, and pleasant, avoiding harsh tones.
Beneficial: Helpful, wholesome, and contributing to the well-being of others.
Spoken with a mind of good-will: Rooted in compassion and kindness, not malice or ill-will.
How to Practice Right Speech
Be mindful: Pay attention to your intentions and state of mind before speaking.
Pause and reflect: Take a breath and consider if your impulse to speak is driven by negative emotions like greed, ill-will, or fear.
Discern: Carefully evaluate if your words are true, beneficial, and timely.
Be patient: Even if something is true and beneficial, sometimes it’s best to wait for the right moment to speak, especially if it’s difficult information.
Promote harmony: Aim to use speech to build understanding and reduce conflict.
Hopefully all of us will take on board & use these tools in all future conversations on Tiny Buddha.