Dear Mollie

I am sorry that you feel so many areas of your life are unfulfilling & in flux, making it hard to find vibrancy & positivity.
Can you identify anywhere else in the world that has a warmer & sunnier climate that you could pursue your career? I must admit that i too am effected by grey cold windy wet weather. On the rare bright days in winter months I make sure to charge up by facing the sun even if it is just a few minutes. My son does temping in his chosen career which enables him to only be in workplaces that he enjoys & have time off to fulfil a good work life balance.
Congratulations on caring about your relationship with your parents & having concern how your negativity is effect them. Not that you should shelter them completely from this frustrating period in your life, more that make the effort to be aware of the small joys in your life & share those with them. ie I went for a walk today & noticed how beautiful the cherry blossom is.
Oh yeah having expectations dashed is a real bummer. Sometimes life is easier when we decided to give ourselves a break & put aside expectations, that way chance encounters & new avenues have the potential to appear.
Hope you have a good weekend.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Omyk

My first husband died in a motor bike accident at the age of 23 leaving me with an 18 month old baby & then my ex died when his boat sunk at the age of 36 leaving me to bring up our 10 year old so I get that feeling of urgency & yet my father is 94 & still with me, so on the flip side I could have another 30 years. I guess the trick is to live each day the best we can, showing love & compassion to those around us, looking after our inner life & doing enough each day so that we can feel contentment at bedtime.
I wish you all the best in your ministry & hope your congregation appreciate & support you.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Kris

I am sorry that things did not work out for you in the way you had hoped.
I know that “friends with benefits ” is trendy – as is hook ups which is the modern equivalent of one night stands for my younger years.
I agree with Anita’s advice about how to find & make friends in your area. If you are also wishing to fulfill your sexual desires, then a vibrator wont stand you up & also there is no chance of getting an STI.
I hope that you find a worthwhile relationships both inside & out of the bedroom. Honor & respect your needs in a way that does not cause you harm. Many of us have been thru this dilemma – forty years on I still cringe or laugh at some of my escapades.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Omyk
A life of celibacy when it is ones own choice is a helpful container/bridge for our spiritual & worldly life. A life of celibacy that is imposed by an external party is a heavy & constricting burden.
We can have a fulfilling & supportive relationships without the romance & physical intimacies. Friends can be inspiring, fun, challenging & much much more. Each one bringing moments of connection & love, that beautiful poem of Anita’s is a wonderful illustration of this.
I wish you all the best with simplifying your life & may it bring you peace & restore your vitality.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Gage
You & your friend/girlfriend have traveled a long way down the healing path
She has managed to give up the narcotics & alcohol.
From the many people I have spoken with over the years the drug & alcohol abuse has been a side effect to deeper core issues.
In this case her insecurity/paranoia around other women (not an uncommon theme).
In my early 30’s I was a waitress in a small community I always gave the woman attention & compliments and took minimal notice of their partner, so as not to rouse any jealousy.
I have also been on the flip side when I was visiting my partner who was a lay person at a monastery. He introduced me to another visiting woman with just my name. She made it very clear that she wanted him & thought that I was in the way so after about 20 mins I got up dropped a kiss on his head( the equivalent to scent marking my territory ha ha !) & walked away. When he & I met up later I had to explain his faux par in not introducing me as his partner as she still thought he was single & up for grabs! we settled on the term ‘best beloved’. Although he & I discontinued the romance some years later we are still firm & supportive friends a decade on.
I hope that both your therapist will give you pointers in how to start healing this particular sore area.
kind regards
Roberta

Dear Agathe

So the honeymoon period has worn off. Love is more than the heady excitement of the initial period.
Grasping & attachment bring suffering & so does aversion.
Stress releases chemicals into your body & brain and these effects can last longer than one thinks, so although the source of your stress has departed, the side effects have not.

So what good qualities does your boyfriend have? Remembering them & having gratitude will help refresh your heart.
Thinking and implementing doing something nice for him without worrying about the outcome.
I am sure the rest of the group will come up with something.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Robi

What if you are chasing after a fictional happiness? Some of what you have here & now has that potential to be your happiness, your girlfriend, a job that does not involve a stupidly long commute giving you time & flexibility to do the things that nourish your body & mind. If you are always chasing that elusive “what if something, some one, some place is better” happiness & contentment in the here & now will allude you. Moments of small hapinesses do add up to make the whole.

kind regards

Roberta

Dear Halle

I am so sorry that you do not have a loving & supportive family(even when you have suffered from a miscarriage) & that their years of unappreciation has taken such a toll.

At least you have friends & when new people meet you they recognize the good that is within you and that is a good starting point from which you can grow towards a happy & fulfilling life. I hope you find  safe & supportive place & people to help you thru your separation & beyond.

Kind regards

Roberta