Hi Mia

No one should be threaten verbally and as you can see from your latest encounter a verbal slanging match only escalates itself it sows & water the seeds of anger in all parties mindstreams. These men are dangerous and poking a hornets nest is probably not such a wise thing to do.

I suggest that you look into non violent communication, helping to keep your dignity & integrity intact.

A comment like ” I see the potential in you to become a really nice person” rather than reminding these people that you hospitalized their friend might just start to turn their mind away from hatred  and you are also not adding any poison into your mindstream.

Dear Anna

I understand how worrying it can be when you are meeting up with a friend under different circumstances ( not staying with her) and unsure how the land lies between you emotionally.

May be you could suggest doing something that you both are interested/enjoy ie art gallery/ museum this will give you both something to focus on whilst you each find your footing with each other or if you dont have a joint interest choose something you know that she would enjoy, that way she will feel cared for & supported. She too is probably nervous about this meet up.

Dear Tom

The positive traits that you mention like being on time make you a an ideal employee, workmate or friend ( you can be counted on) are great. It is annoying when others time keeping is somewhat lackadaisical. We also need good traits like patience, wisdom & compassion otherwise we can easily become hypercritical.

There is an old saying you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.

We  have acquaintances, childhood friends, casual friends, good friends & best friends these may all become interchangeable over our lifetime. Also social media warps the view of how many “friends” we should have. Whats wrong with quality over quantity anyway?

Hi Dafne

I feel that this man may take a long time to become emotionally available.

If you decide to keep seeing him go in with your eyes wide open with no expectations.

Allow things to grow naturally, enjoy doing things together, keep it light, do not allow yourself to be hurried into a more intimacies than you are comfortable with and do not try to manipulate/ pressurize him into being emotionally close.

Best of luck

Dear Anna

I am sorry that you have been subjected to a toxic relationship and that your friendships at this moment are rocky when you need their support and you probably feel that you too would like to support them in return.

To help with healing go into a natural place. If you can sit or stand for 15 mins barefoot this is called grounding/earthing. if there is a breeze imagine that it is passing thru your body blowing away the emotional dust leaving you clean and free also face the sun and close your eyes allow the warmth enter you and ooze down to your heart allowing you to love and be loved.

No thing stays the same this is called impermanence,  some suffering occurs when we fight this either by grasping holding on to a good situation (happiness) or by repressing/repelling. this does not mean that you have to stay in a bad situation ie toxic relationships.

You now have the luxury of time.  Sit quietly with a pen & paper gently possit the question How do I want to live my life? then jot down ideas and thoughts & feelings.  There is a site called workaway which posts hundreds of different jobs ( room & board in exchange for 20- 25 hours work) in a myriad of locations all over the world this may inspire you to see which kind of work sparks your interest.   meanwhile volunteering keeps us busy and helps with self esteem.

Dear Belinda

I am guessing that the coach  may now feel guilty about his unwise pairing and failure to monitor & stop the bout at an earlier stage & so he reacted by blaming you if the first instance.

Is that the only dojo in the area? How do you feel about returning to the same setting?

I am sorry that the police failed to take the hateful vandalism of your car seriously.

I hope that your future is peacefully & harassment free.

Dear Belinda

I am so sorry that you have encountered such cruelty and ignorance. Did you go to the police about what was done to your car?

Men who have had their ego’s bruised are quite dangerous creatures and when alcohol is added into the mix it can lead to very unwise actions so I am not surprised that you are concerned for your safety.

How attached are you to your present location maybe it is time to move on to a less bigoted neighborhood.

Also I am surprised that your coach made such a pairing, does he not realise the character of these men?

I wish you peace & safety

Dear Kunal

Please may i ask for clarification on a few points, How physically intimate were you with your friend and did it occur more than once and does your long distance girlfriend know about the physical side that you are sharing with another person? Andon your annual visit with your girlfriend are you physically intimate?