Hi TheltFactor

I think you decision to call it a day was a wise one your ethical/moral boundries were being compromised by his need to feel free to date others which may have been ok in the early stage  but as time went by exclusivity would normally be the next step if both people are single. He may start to date other people and then come to a more settled decision about whether open relationships is what he really wants.

Dear Lost1Flow

I dont know if you have access to an outside space where you live – we have a small courtyard and over the last few months I have put a small bench which has flower containers as part of it. I enjoy swapping out seasonal plants and have bird feeders I find it a mini paradise where I can relax & recharge my batteries, plus I can see the courtyard from kitchen& dining room so even in inclement weather it still lifts my spirits. Even indoors a small corner nicely set out can help give a few moments of respite respite I have a small zen garden that I enjoy playing with.

Best wishes

Dear Arie 1276

I am sorry to hear that you are so worried about your / husband  debts.  Some countries tax laws can be confusing even for longterm residents and it is even harder if you are self employed. When my 2nd husband had his own business we took a straight 20% off the gross takings and put into a deposit account so at the end of the year we had the money put aside for our tax bill and sometimes there was  a bit left over which we used to pay something off other big debts like the business loan.

Things like this can put a real strain on our own mental & physical health along adding pressure to the relationship with your husband. The sooner the pair of you can come up with a gameplan the better & more in control you will feel. Also some countries allow for husbands and wives to be taxed separately.

I hope that you get on a finances sorted soon.

Good morning Jennifer

I am currently reading a book called sacred rest and although I am not pregnant I am looking after an elderly parent with dementia so I have to be aware of them 24/7 make sure food clothing nappies etc are in place. I also talk to him  as if he understands me. so when a rare moment of lucidity occurs my voice is a source of comfort, sometimes I just read aloud to him.

There are also DVD on Amazon on Yoga pregnancy birth & afterwards.

I hope others will reply and give you more  ideas & support. Blessings to you & your little one.

Dear Quant

I note you describe this lady as kind, easy going but also  a liar & flirty diva. You are also  spoke of the emotions of jealousy & hate  aroused  around her “gifts” & lack of gratitude of them.  Do you envy lots of people & their situations or just her?

One set of advice is to look back and see if you have been obsessive about anything else in your life ie a favorite toy or book and now years later that particular object no longer holds your attention and so this too will pass especially if you turn your attention to doing something worthwhile like volunteering.

Another advice to help bring her down off the pedestal that you have put her on  is the phrase” just like me …… she experiences tiredness. sadness. hunger, loneliness & will experience sickness old age & death.

Dear Caroline

I suggest you watch Eckart Tolle on youtube talking about the “pain body”. This may explain in part of what is happening to you.

Most people occasional reminisces about past relationship and what could or can be. Occasionally I bump into a ex and even though my heart flutters & I go all girlie, but after we have chatted for a while I realise that I do not really want to revisit that relationship ( the grass is always greener on the other side until you get to the other side!) Also how hurt do you think your current girlfriend would be if she found out  ( mental infidelity often comes before the physical action).

What ever you choose to do it may help for you to learn more about your internal life and how to become aware of  thought processes and emotions and how nurture yourself so that you can bring your best to any relationship that you are in.

Dear p

I am so sorry that you have to live with such a dysfunctional family. Once you have finished college it will be easier to gain your freedom. There is a site called workaway there are lots of opportunities all over the world you basically work for 20-25 hours and they give you food & accommodation the placements are varied and could give you an idea of what you want to do & where you would like to live.

There maybe not a lot you can do about the way you are spoken to & treated at the moment, but you are in the driving seat when it comes to how you interact with other family members – which I know is much easier said than done  when you probably feel bombarded from all sides and the feelings that that must arise within.  I hope that you can find a support network near where you live such as a church or meditation group or volunteering opportunities. At some point you may benefit from some therapy sessions to help you process your childhood.

Dear Anil

I am glad that you are meditating. I tell my students this. That it takes almost same amount of time to alter the thought/feeling patterns as  we have been having them, so you meditate for say 30 mins you probably feel good for those minutes plus say another 30 after. So it is not a quick fix but more like food & nourishment. So each time you meditate basically you are hopefully undoing a bit of the past and preparing the ground for your future. There are many religions that divide up their day by taking time out for prayer or reflection. This gives one the chance to look back over say the last 4-6 hours in a calm way and see what has been wise & compassionate and what needs tweaking, Then you get the chance to restore things before they get out of hand. ie you skipped breakfast because you woke up late and then was a bit short with a co-worker. First eat something nutritious maybe even offer some to that co-worker with an apology for not being fully there for them. Then in the evening look to see how you can improve your evening/morning routine.

All that we do & think are interconnected and these bounce & ripple out into the world and the world is also impacting on us all the time even if we don’t realise it. So having awareness & patience help us navigate thru this journey called our lives.