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RobertaParticipantDear Tom
You talk of matters of concern have been communicated explicitly. What are these matters and are they your concerns or another family members concerns?
RobertaParticipantDear Tom
If you start to know yourself well it will help with strengthen your patience muscle. For instance when we are tired or hungry we have less tolerance. If you realise that after about say three hours being with family/friends your capacity is dropping then the next time try calling it quits after 2 hours so that you leave feeling good about them. Setting the aspiration to be patient before you meet up is a good. Read & learn about why it is good to have these qualities and how to foster them
RobertaParticipantHi Mia
No one should be threaten verbally and as you can see from your latest encounter a verbal slanging match only escalates itself it sows & water the seeds of anger in all parties mindstreams. These men are dangerous and poking a hornets nest is probably not such a wise thing to do.
I suggest that you look into non violent communication, helping to keep your dignity & integrity intact.
A comment like ” I see the potential in you to become a really nice person” rather than reminding these people that you hospitalized their friend might just start to turn their mind away from hatred and you are also not adding any poison into your mindstream.
RobertaParticipantDear Saggad.
I am so sorry that your loving & helping spirit was abused by this woman’s actions.
As you say at the moment & probably forever you will not get legal restitution and it is not a financial imperative either.
A radical rethink may help.
You initially had altruistic intention to help her by selling the car.
How would you feel if you thought that you gifted her the car & the apartment?
You can also make prayers for the health of her daughters and that the woman is happy & content, because a person who is truly happy & content will not steal or lie. Also wish that she may use any good fortune that she has to benefit others. You may think that this is a naive and unrealistic, but this is about restoring balance and healing to your mind.
What ever you do to heal will need to be done repeatedly each time the disturbing thoughts & memories occur.
RobertaParticipantDear Anna
I understand how worrying it can be when you are meeting up with a friend under different circumstances ( not staying with her) and unsure how the land lies between you emotionally.
May be you could suggest doing something that you both are interested/enjoy ie art gallery/ museum this will give you both something to focus on whilst you each find your footing with each other or if you dont have a joint interest choose something you know that she would enjoy, that way she will feel cared for & supported. She too is probably nervous about this meet up.
RobertaParticipantDear EvFran
I think that many young men suffer aimlessness as our society’s do not really have any rights of passage anymore to help them throw off the freedoms of childhood and move into taking their place as a useful adult within the tribe.
A pilgrimage/trek in nature may help to bring clarity. Nowadays there are many guided & or sponsored events catering for all abilities.
RobertaParticipantDear Tom
The positive traits that you mention like being on time make you a an ideal employee, workmate or friend ( you can be counted on) are great. It is annoying when others time keeping is somewhat lackadaisical. We also need good traits like patience, wisdom & compassion otherwise we can easily become hypercritical.
There is an old saying you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.
We have acquaintances, childhood friends, casual friends, good friends & best friends these may all become interchangeable over our lifetime. Also social media warps the view of how many “friends” we should have. Whats wrong with quality over quantity anyway?
May 10, 2023 at 12:04 pm in reply to: I am struggling with feeling guilt and being upset for trying to leave my job #418480RobertaParticipantDear Furry Rat
You come across as quite ethical and not willing to jump over people to climb the corporate ladder.
I guess first check your contract to make sure you can get out of it easily. Do you actually like working for this company if so speak to HR about other job opportunities.
As we spend about a third of our day working, then the chance to find something that fulfills you is well worth exploring.
I wish you the best of luck finding a job and workmates that support & inspire you
May 9, 2023 at 12:15 pm in reply to: Understanding someone who's recently divorced and not ready #418462RobertaParticipantHi Dafne
I feel that this man may take a long time to become emotionally available.
If you decide to keep seeing him go in with your eyes wide open with no expectations.
Allow things to grow naturally, enjoy doing things together, keep it light, do not allow yourself to be hurried into a more intimacies than you are comfortable with and do not try to manipulate/ pressurize him into being emotionally close.
Best of luck
RobertaParticipantHi
I have just finished a book called Sacred Rest By Saundra Dalton-Smith for the most part I found it an enjoyable & insightful read. At the moment i have to remind myself to live day to day (caring for dad with dementia) letting go of the past and not getting to wrapped up in a future that is without dad this way I have less dissatisfaction with my current situation.
best wishes
RobertaParticipantDear Anna
I am sorry that you have been subjected to a toxic relationship and that your friendships at this moment are rocky when you need their support and you probably feel that you too would like to support them in return.
To help with healing go into a natural place. If you can sit or stand for 15 mins barefoot this is called grounding/earthing. if there is a breeze imagine that it is passing thru your body blowing away the emotional dust leaving you clean and free also face the sun and close your eyes allow the warmth enter you and ooze down to your heart allowing you to love and be loved.
No thing stays the same this is called impermanence, some suffering occurs when we fight this either by grasping holding on to a good situation (happiness) or by repressing/repelling. this does not mean that you have to stay in a bad situation ie toxic relationships.
You now have the luxury of time. Sit quietly with a pen & paper gently possit the question How do I want to live my life? then jot down ideas and thoughts & feelings. There is a site called workaway which posts hundreds of different jobs ( room & board in exchange for 20- 25 hours work) in a myriad of locations all over the world this may inspire you to see which kind of work sparks your interest. meanwhile volunteering keeps us busy and helps with self esteem.
RobertaParticipantDear Saoirse
You could may be write something like this…….
As a child I , naturally was unable to separate your behavior due to your illness and the role you played as my mother.
I understand your desire to be around me & your grand daughter, but I still need time to heal and come to terms with my adverse childhood experiences so that history does not repeat itself and effect yet another generation of our family.
Please feel free to put your own suggestions on this thread for a detached point of view.
It is very rare for any one to reflect, apologies and take responsibility for their actions and the damage it caused even inadvertently as in this case due to being bipolar and so any group that your mum is a part of probably does not challenge hers or their own belief of how they see their life stories .
RobertaParticipantDear Belinda
I am guessing that the coach may now feel guilty about his unwise pairing and failure to monitor & stop the bout at an earlier stage & so he reacted by blaming you if the first instance.
Is that the only dojo in the area? How do you feel about returning to the same setting?
I am sorry that the police failed to take the hateful vandalism of your car seriously.
I hope that your future is peacefully & harassment free.
RobertaParticipantDear Saoirse
I am sorry that your childhood was blighted by your mothers illness.
It is okay for you to keep your distance, no-one (society) who knows even a little of the situation would not blame you for this wise decision. If you do decide to meet up with your mother and bring your daughter along a practical solution would be to meet up in a park so that your child could play and being outside somehow feels less suffocating and easier to walk away if things get toxic.
All Tee’s advice is excellent especially about giving up expectations of things to change from your mothers side.
It appears that your mother may find it hard to deal with her past actions and their effects on you and or memory issues. You could write her a letter gently explaining why you are uncomfortable about having contact, keep a master copy that you can re photocopy as and when necessary. If you choose to write to her do so when you are feeling calm( your best possible self) then put it away for a couple of days then re read it as if you were looking at it as if a friend was writing to her mother. then edit if necessary.
You may also need professional help with releasing the burden of your childhood and the on going anxiety it has caused.
RobertaParticipantDear Belinda
I am so sorry that you have encountered such cruelty and ignorance. Did you go to the police about what was done to your car?
Men who have had their ego’s bruised are quite dangerous creatures and when alcohol is added into the mix it can lead to very unwise actions so I am not surprised that you are concerned for your safety.
How attached are you to your present location maybe it is time to move on to a less bigoted neighborhood.
Also I am surprised that your coach made such a pairing, does he not realise the character of these men?
I wish you peace & safety
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