Dear Dafne

I have been married twice and have a child from each one. I was also what could loosely be described as a Wild child.

I have come across several women who have struggled with intimacy due to parents being either cold or saying that sex is wrong/dirty & not to be enjoyed and definitely not to be indulged in before marriage. Also historically rape within marriage was not considered at all, you belonged to your husband and he could do almost what he liked whenever he liked, the woman just had to lay back  and think of Britian! Womans sensuality has  nearly always been ignored.

I have not a clue about predestination and I know that karma is a vast and complicated subject.

As for the man in question I would give him a wide berth as I doubt he will change his perception of women or even be interested in trying to.

In buddhism we have a precept about not indulging in sexual misconduct which I held for many years until I upgraded it to celibacy.

I wish you all the best

Roberta

Dear Karl

I would imagine to be in a polyamourous relationship one would have to not have any issues over jealousy.

If one has any issues or triggers that kind of open relationship would probably be a complete minefield.

I am not sure how this relationship will help you in the longterm with your healing unless you both agree on monogamy and you are also proactive on improving your wellbeing.

In future you both should make your communication clear and not try to second guess or read more into them to help stop further misunderstandings such as coming across as jealous or needy.

Hi Tom

Yes those things can be frustrating.  For those who are perpetually late just ask them to turn up half an hour before you actually want them to be there and say you will meet them inside at the venue that way you wont miss out. Or if they are inviting you around for supper, but it takes them hours to serve the meal have a snack before to stop the hangry effect.  If you find there kitchen hygiene hard to stomach suggest eating out, maybe trying somewhere new or a shared offering between lots of you and just diplomatically and stealthy give their culinary dish  a wide berth.

Dear Tom

You talk of matters of concern have been communicated explicitly. What are these matters and are they your concerns or another family members concerns?

Hi Mia

No one should be threaten verbally and as you can see from your latest encounter a verbal slanging match only escalates itself it sows & water the seeds of anger in all parties mindstreams. These men are dangerous and poking a hornets nest is probably not such a wise thing to do.

I suggest that you look into non violent communication, helping to keep your dignity & integrity intact.

A comment like ” I see the potential in you to become a really nice person” rather than reminding these people that you hospitalized their friend might just start to turn their mind away from hatred  and you are also not adding any poison into your mindstream.

Dear Anna

I understand how worrying it can be when you are meeting up with a friend under different circumstances ( not staying with her) and unsure how the land lies between you emotionally.

May be you could suggest doing something that you both are interested/enjoy ie art gallery/ museum this will give you both something to focus on whilst you each find your footing with each other or if you dont have a joint interest choose something you know that she would enjoy, that way she will feel cared for & supported. She too is probably nervous about this meet up.

Dear Tom

The positive traits that you mention like being on time make you a an ideal employee, workmate or friend ( you can be counted on) are great. It is annoying when others time keeping is somewhat lackadaisical. We also need good traits like patience, wisdom & compassion otherwise we can easily become hypercritical.

There is an old saying you can’t choose your family but you can choose your friends.

We  have acquaintances, childhood friends, casual friends, good friends & best friends these may all become interchangeable over our lifetime. Also social media warps the view of how many “friends” we should have. Whats wrong with quality over quantity anyway?