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Roberta

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Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 339 total)
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  • in reply to: what is a sisterhood #439448
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hello Arden

    I found my sisterhood thru concentrating on my spiritual life, all my close & supportive friends have the same priorities/outlook towards a spiritual life even if it is not the same religion. We laugh & support each other & are at ease with silence between us.

    I hope that you can find a group of like minded people to spend time with and that it develops into a gentle & supportive friendship.

     

    in reply to: Karmic relationships #439446
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Jana

    Karma is impersonal not judgmental punishment/reward, we humans just take it personally! I guess if we have a large storehouse of compassion we would be able to tap into it even if we were currently in the animal realm. There are many stories in the modern era of animals acting altruistically towards another animal of a different species or family. Being born an animal means that one could not study or get much chance to put the dharma into practice which is seen as a disadvantage.  Once when I was on retreat & a bumble bee came into my shrine room and it prostrated 3 times in front of the buddha spooky or what! At the start of my 3 month retreat a stray cat turned up and spent many hours with me each day in the shrine room. He became our temple cat for many years & then he moved in with a neighbour for a few years & then moved on to another neighbour. Then one afternoon many years later he walked back into the shrine room at meditation time and he spent a few minutes with each person in the room making a noise which was different to his usual chitchat. He refused the food & then wandered off. A couple of days later the neighbour with whom he was currently residing told me he had passed away. He also visited the other neighbour & acted them same with her. So hopefully both of these creatures had a good rebirth. Both these creatures actions are an inspiration to me that no mater where I am or what is going on I can do my practice and be compassionate.

    with peace

     

    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Lulu

    I guess your mum & Aunt are very protective of you because you are autistic and now that your sister has tragically passed away they will be even more protective.  Which makes it hard for you to have a voice of your own when it comes to romantic relationships.  Secrets put us in a mind state of fear and the guilt is putting a barrier between you & your family  It maybe productive to have a general conversation with them about how hard it is for people with your condition to have a relationship as many people do not understand your needs & modes of thinking. This may get them thinking about how compatible M17 is for you.

    in reply to: Karmic relationships #439331
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    I read the article you suggested, I do have  a similar bedtime routine and if I am not ejected out of bed prematurely I do like to start my day in a contemplative mood, so will try to remember to do little sessions thru the day.

    Isn’t their a Jakarta tale about the buddha in  one of his previous lives sacrificing himself to a wild animal so the mother could feed her cubs.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Lulu

    Whether you stay with your boyfriend or not is up to you. I guess you are now taking stock of the way you communicate. Things said out loud or written as obvious but there is also the tone & content of internal dialogue. Most people especially when we are young are not actively circumspect about what they say. Think Say Do is how we operate a lot of the time, this chain reaction can happen in seconds. ie tummy rumbles Think I am Hungry, Say internally I fancy a sandwich, Do make & eat the sandwich.

    If we are glib about hurting ourselves & others it can slowly erode our ability to be kind & compassionate to ourselves & others. Words do have power.

    Roberta

     

    in reply to: Feeling so lost after leaving #439323
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Louise

    I am sorry that your mum passed unexpectedly. You have had a lot on your plate dealing with her estate and your yearning for freedom from a relationship that was not fulfilling  you and now you are feeling adrift.

    There is not a lot of point discussing should have, would have as this will only pile on the misery.  When you notice one of these disturbing thought/feeling  arise gently tap your heart & say it is okay & it will be okay. This way you are not suppressing or ignore those feeling, your acknowledging them but not adding to them. The other technique to bring you back to the present is the 54321 technique Name 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can smell 2 things you can feel the touch of 1 the taste in your mouth.

    If you want to continue with your travels checkout the workaway site where you exchange food & accommodation for about 25 hours work. This will give you built in companionship and save you money and have new experiences.

    Roberta

    in reply to: Son came out as bi-sexual #439272
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Arie

    Would you prefer your son to conform to your expectations and live a miserable unfulfilled life or for him to be a happy loving human being? Your son did a very brave thing coming out to his family about his preferences. We fall in love with the person not their gender.

    in reply to: Karmic relationships #439247
    Roberta
    Participant

    Hi Jana

    Karma is a vast and complex subject and as i am a bear of very little brain. I can only remember snippets of this topic in a general and simplified way. As all beings have had countless lives, we all have been each others parents at one time or another. Over our lives we have been & done a lot of things both skillful & unskilful ie tinker tailor soldier sailor richman poorman beggar man thief.

    When certain conditions are met then kamic seeds ripen . Look at a tree, we know it needs light, water & nutrients, but I could not tell you which beam of sunlight, which drop of rain and which particular nutrient caused a particular leaf to appear. I am not a buddha!

    In life sh!t happens it is how we respond that matters. Living life intentionally, serving others ( even if it just giving a stranger a smile). I can’t change the karma that I created in the past lives but I can be aware of what I am creating now. Acknowledging & then rectifying unskillfulness also dedicating the merit of any skillful actions done by me for the benefit of all sentient beings.

    I once had a fancyfull notion about one of my ex’s that we were strongly connected in the past – he loved me but he was a priest and i was a wise woman (witch) & he denounced me & I was burnt at the stake! Years later I was in a church (not with him) in France & I got a feeling that was  where it happened- I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. It was probably a book I read or a film that I have watched that fed my very vivid imagination. What counts is how we treat each other in real life.

     

    in reply to: Will I ever be free of this fear of people? #439238
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Jana

    Ideally we all would be able to lhelp everyone with thier lives. You set good boundaries with the older lady, some seeds of kindness take longer to germinate than others (it can even take lifetimes) There are teachings about gift giving,  you gave her the gift of your companionship, what she chooses to do with it is up to her. When we give any gift we relinquish ownership of it otherwise it is not truly a gift. Likewise when some one is angry with us, we have the choice whether to accept their  unpleasant gift.

    You certainly cant go wrong with any of Thich Nat Hans teachings. He was a deeply wise & compassionate person.

    As for the Diamond Way as I understand it when the 16th Karmarpa passed 2 people were “found”  as the 17th Karmarpa this led to a spilt in the lineage. Though both were ordained one has since disrobed and married. My friend follows one and I follow the other, the way we choose to see it in our limited simple way that keeps the harmony between us is like the 16th Karmapa is our grandfather and he had twin sons our fathers. Also truth like gravity does not belong to anyone, but to all.

    Keep on with the intention to heal & grow. Think how extraordinary Helen Keller was. It took just one person to see possibilities for her and act upon them, the rest is history.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

    in reply to: Cancer sucks #439220
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Me

    I am sorry that your father has terminal cancer ( I looked after my mother at home up to a few weeks before her passing from cancer) my relationship with her had been rocky in the past,  I managed to put aside our past hurts.  I was with her when she passed peacefully.

    My comment on this is not meant to be a critisim So I must live it by getting into extremly good shape, make as much money as I can and experience life.  Any statement using words like extremely can cause oneself a problem ie. if you dont meet the high standard of extremely fit how are you going to feel about yourself? Money does not necessarily equate to happiness ( how many rich & famous people have committed suicide or drank & drugged themselves to death). Would you be willing to compromise your health, friends and or ethics to get rich? What kinds life experiences are you looking for?

    I pray that your father has a peaceful & pain free passing and that you go on to have a happy & fulfilling life.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

     

    in reply to: Will I ever be free of this fear of people? #439219
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Jana

    What a lovely & inspiring thread.  So many people are deeply damaged by their childhood and go down an unhelpful path like alcohol for many years just adding more harm on top of the initial circumstances. Congratulations on all that you have achieved so far. I came across Buddhism in my forties and it has helped me grow and nourish the gentleness inside me everyday since.

    I see  from the net that there are about 7,000 Buddhists in your home country and that there are a couple of dharma centres in Prague.  Is it possible for you to check them out in person where you would meet people who are on your wavelength & allow your inner life flourish. As I am unable to get to teachings in person, I enjoy watching offerings from the sangha at Sravasti Abbey in USA and I also did their on line study course which was very enjoyable.

    You are gentle being who wishes to be in step with nature and the natural rhythms of life and have few fellow spiritual companions.  The hectic hedonistic Western  lifestyle  is not really conducive to long term happiness, health & well-being, so don’t beat yourself up for not wanting to conform to a shallow life.

    best wishes

    Roberta

     

     

     

    in reply to: Big Step, widower #439008
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Omyk

    I get that the task of sorting thru your late wife’s things can be overwhelming when you have so little down time due to work pressures. If you can come up with a clear outline before you start, the task will be quicker & easier. ie what kind of photo you want to keep and roughly how many ie a wedding photo, a picture of your wife holding your baby with a loving look upon her face and one with her with your child for each year as they grew up etc. Ok at this moment your teenager is not that sentimental but as the years pass especially if they have children of their own these pictures will become precious connection to their roots.

    A dozen photos nicely displayed can bring comfort and assurance that your wife is actively honored over the coming years.

    Best wishes

    Roberta

     

    Roberta
    Participant

    hi Nik

    Get out now he is an abuser trying to get you pregnant so to control you. the phrase barefoot pregnant & chained to the kitchen sink comes to mind. He does not treat you as an equal. I too gave up my vow of celibacy for a man it left a big hole in my wellbeing. I did a purification ceremony and retook my vows which I kept for a year to start with and continued this on a rolling process for five years before choosing to stay celibate for the rest of my life.

    I hope you find yourself in a safe & nurturing workplace.

    Kind regards

    Roberta

     

    in reply to: I deserve it #438961
    Roberta
    Participant

    dear Laven

    I am sorry that you are  presently stuck in an awful thankless situation.  I am looking after my father 93 with dementia so I have walked a little in your shoes re caring. that said your foster family are abusing your good nature and they will not step up to take their fare share of the burden whilst you are there and to be honest from what I have read in your threads  they will make you homeless as soon as she goes into care/hospital or passes away. You have paid more than your dues to your fostermum, time to get out & start healing putting yourself first for once is not selfish in this situation. There is a site called workaway which gives room & board for 25hrs per week work all around the world, this could give you access to accommodation in the immediate short term.

    Wishing you all the best

    Roberta

    in reply to: Struggling with life, work, addiction #438749
    Roberta
    Participant

    Dear Jakub

    My heart goes out to you. Yet another child who has been let down & deprived of a safe happy childhood by those who should be providing the care & love each & every-being deserves.  I hope that you find a good therapist who specializes in healing the inner child.  You are no way responsible for  what when on in your parents lives when you were a child or later. The voice that tells you that, who’s is it? According to Eckart Tolle the pain body wants feeding & its favorite food is negative feelings.

    I find it interesting how we give some thoughts more weight/credence and yet what are thoughts? Some have a very uncomfortable energy. If we think of them like bubbles in a glass of lemonade they appear / arise, there is not alot of difference in size and eventually pop/disappear.

    Congratulations on getting your own place, a home, a sanctuary, a place of peace a place to heal & nurture your own well being.

Viewing 15 posts - 16 through 30 (of 339 total)