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RobertaParticipantDear Agathe
So the honeymoon period has worn off. Love is more than the heady excitement of the initial period.
Grasping & attachment bring suffering & so does aversion.
Stress releases chemicals into your body & brain and these effects can last longer than one thinks, so although the source of your stress has departed, the side effects have not.So what good qualities does your boyfriend have? Remembering them & having gratitude will help refresh your heart.
Thinking and implementing doing something nice for him without worrying about the outcome.
I am sure the rest of the group will come up with something.
Kind regards
RobertaRobertaParticipantHi Adrainne
Many people find the pressure and expectations of a modern Christmas hard to take and for you memories of past festive occasions add to this burden.
My boss would have egg sandwiches down by the sea on the 25th.
My favourite thing to do was go on retreat at a Buddhist monastery and when my family commitments are no more I will return to that ritual.
I wish you a peaceful winter break.December 14, 2024 at 1:36 pm in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #440569RobertaParticipantDear Robi
What if you are chasing after a fictional happiness? Some of what you have here & now has that potential to be your happiness, your girlfriend, a job that does not involve a stupidly long commute giving you time & flexibility to do the things that nourish your body & mind. If you are always chasing that elusive “what if something, some one, some place is better” happiness & contentment in the here & now will allude you. Moments of small hapinesses do add up to make the whole.
kind regards
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear overpoint
Congratulations in the progress you have made with your healing.
I have 3 suggestions to try
Earthing/grounding stand barefoot and or put your hands in earth for at least 15 mins you can imagine that the excess energy is flowing into the earth below you.
Tai Chi again imagine the energy leaving thru your hands
if it is windy you can sit or stand and imagine the wind blowing thru you and taking the energy with it.
Wishing you all the best
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Halle
I am so sorry that you do not have a loving & supportive family(even when you have suffered from a miscarriage) & that their years of unappreciation has taken such a toll.
At least you have friends & when new people meet you they recognize the good that is within you and that is a good starting point from which you can grow towards a happy & fulfilling life. I hope you find safe & supportive place & people to help you thru your separation & beyond.
Kind regards
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Evfran
Looking at it from a different angle. You are doing a brilliant job of looking after your uncle and you know that once he breathes his last breath then control is handed over to a relative stranger, at least you know this in advance rather than it being slammed into you at one of your most vulnerable moments. Death & its aftermath often brings out the worst in people & families often get hurt & squabble for years over the most trivial of things as well as the big stuff.
Are you in touch with his son? does his son know that his father does not have long to live?
What is your uncles belief system & how do they view the death process?
A visitor has just arrived so I will sign off
regards Roberta
I pray that you & your uncle have a peaceful time together and that his passing will also be peaceful.
RobertaParticipantDear EvFran
https://youtu.be/Mna5a_NRlK8?si=LCdwSVxcNp5ZFjs_ this is the vid I watched this morning called When Someone doesnt value you. I found it quite insightful.
What is the difference between being at peace with something & denial? As for your uncle it is his right to deal with his terminal illness his way as long as it is not illegal. Maybe he is just trying to enjoy what little is left of his life & not spend every minute being dragged down by something he can’t change. It your right to choose if you want to be around your uncle whilst he walks this journey.
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Danny
Not only to remind us of our own mortality, but also others. Most of us has lost touch with an old friend & thought about reaching out, but left it too late (this has happened to me in the last few days). The first & last things I say to my aged father each & everyday is “I love you”. The old saying of “never put off what you can do today until tomorrow” or “Don’t go to bed on an argument”.
RobertaParticipantDear Arie
So glad that your relationship has healed & I hope it goes from strength to strength.
RobertaParticipantDear Rising Flower
making unreasonable requests like asking for kids whne I was not ready nor the circumstances areabsolitely not suitable, trying to control me whol to speak and what to speak, stopping me from doing my hobbies so I could love him.more or avoid making new friends). These are all red flags and signs of abusive & coercive behaviour.
Please try to spend more time with supportive family & friends building fun & strong relationship with them to help fill the void that you are currently in. Nature animals hobbies & volunteering are healthy pursuits, yes it may take some considerable time to detox from L, but it will be worth it . I hope you meet someone who will allow you to flourish and that you are emotionally & physically attracted to so that L becomes a distant memory which is more in line with your statement I’m emotionally strong and independent .
RobertaParticipantDear Rising Flower
Just because we love someone it does not mean that they are a good match & will enhance our happiness & that we should be with them. In what ways do you love him? Is there trust, respect, compassion & support in this particular relationship?
Please reread the thread you have submitted as if it was someone else writing their story, what conclusions do you come to?
Roberta
RobertaParticipantHello Arden
I found my sisterhood thru concentrating on my spiritual life, all my close & supportive friends have the same priorities/outlook towards a spiritual life even if it is not the same religion. We laugh & support each other & are at ease with silence between us.
I hope that you can find a group of like minded people to spend time with and that it develops into a gentle & supportive friendship.
November 13, 2024 at 12:40 pm in reply to: I am having guilt-related familial issues with a guy I’m about to date #439337RobertaParticipantDear Lulu
I guess your mum & Aunt are very protective of you because you are autistic and now that your sister has tragically passed away they will be even more protective. Which makes it hard for you to have a voice of your own when it comes to romantic relationships. Secrets put us in a mind state of fear and the guilt is putting a barrier between you & your family It maybe productive to have a general conversation with them about how hard it is for people with your condition to have a relationship as many people do not understand your needs & modes of thinking. This may get them thinking about how compatible M17 is for you.
November 13, 2024 at 8:31 am in reply to: I am having guilt-related familial issues with a guy I’m about to date #439326RobertaParticipantHi Lulu
Whether you stay with your boyfriend or not is up to you. I guess you are now taking stock of the way you communicate. Things said out loud or written as obvious but there is also the tone & content of internal dialogue. Most people especially when we are young are not actively circumspect about what they say. Think Say Do is how we operate a lot of the time, this chain reaction can happen in seconds. ie tummy rumbles Think I am Hungry, Say internally I fancy a sandwich, Do make & eat the sandwich.
If we are glib about hurting ourselves & others it can slowly erode our ability to be kind & compassionate to ourselves & others. Words do have power.
Roberta
RobertaParticipantDear Louise
I am sorry that your mum passed unexpectedly. You have had a lot on your plate dealing with her estate and your yearning for freedom from a relationship that was not fulfilling you and now you are feeling adrift.
There is not a lot of point discussing should have, would have as this will only pile on the misery. When you notice one of these disturbing thought/feeling arise gently tap your heart & say it is okay & it will be okay. This way you are not suppressing or ignore those feeling, your acknowledging them but not adding to them. The other technique to bring you back to the present is the 54321 technique Name 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can smell 2 things you can feel the touch of 1 the taste in your mouth.
If you want to continue with your travels checkout the workaway site where you exchange food & accommodation for about 25 hours work. This will give you built in companionship and save you money and have new experiences.
Roberta
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