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Roberta
ParticipantDear Franco.
The big thing that you should take from the encounter is that she looked into your eyes.
This means that she has no hang ups about meeting someones gaze.
Roberta
ParticipantDear Arie1276
You chose to accept the invite to go around even though you know that the situation between you & other family members/inlaws is volatile. You were sober and capable of walking away the moment things began to get uncomfortable especially since you saw that they we really drunk by the time you arrived. You in your post you say that you & your son used the F word on several occasions during this visit. So its a bit like the pot calling the kettle black. I think you are right to keep any future meetings to a minimum & act with dignity and walk away from anything that you find provocative. It is up to your nieces parents to go into bat on her behalf.
Roberta
ParticipantDear Chau
I am sorry that you were unable to get the support you wanted to cope with the distress that your mothers dementia blip gave you. Just the other day a friend of my late mum asked me how she was & I said we lost her a while ago. Then she shook her self and said ” I have dementia”. I spoke about the little funeral we had & told her I would hold the memory for both of us & that she could never upset me. She smiled & we hugged. My dad would just tap his head and say his brain was not working. Over the years we have had a couple of these poignant moments. Have you been to any talks about the different aspects and stages of dementia? My dad is on 35mils of coconut oil in his breakfast & there was / is a marked improvement in his mobility & cognitive skills. My friend tried a bit with his mother but she has diabetes & it played havoc with her blood sugars.
Kind regards
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Chau
I guess hope, despair & confusion are your companions at the moment. It is okay to feel these emotions or any others, just do not feed them.
Pema Chodren has a book called comfortable with uncertainty and also Living Beautifully – uncertainty & change, in fact all her books are insightful & helpful.
When ever I am at a crossroads I review How I want to live my life. This helps me be patient with being in limbo and makes sure that I am keeping to my core values .
Keep yourself busy with healthy pursuits and avoid alcohol or other mind /wisdom altering substances & people.
Kind regards
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Mr A
Unfortunately you appear to adhere to a society which promotes excessive wealth and intellect over kindness & compassion and women are often regarded as 2nd class citizens especially if they fail to produce a male heir.
Learning about Loving Kindness Meditations & practicing them alongside gratitude meditations may help raise your emotional IQ. Also I get a Daily Good by email each day I find it interesting & stimulating you could try reading this with your wife each evening, it may give you something to talk about on a level playing field.
Kind regards
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantIf you are a poet, you will see clearly that there is a cloud floating in this sheet of paper. Without a cloud, there will be no rain; without rain, the trees cannot grow: and without trees, we cannot make paper. The cloud is essential for the paper to exist. If the cloud is not here, the sheet of paper cannot be here either. So we can say that the cloud and the paper inter-are.
“Interbeing” is a word that is not in the dictionary yet, but if we combine the prefix “inter” with the verb “to be”, we have a new verb, inter-be. Without a cloud, we cannot have paper, so we can say that the cloud and the sheet of paper inter-are.
If we look into this sheet of paper even more deeply, we can see the sunshine in it. If the sunshine is not there, the forest cannot grow. In fact nothing can grow. Even we cannot grow without sunshine. And so, we know that the sunshine is also in this sheet of paper. The paper and the sunshine inter-are. And if we continue to look we can see the logger who cut the tree and brought it to the mill to be transformed into paper. And we see the wheat. We know that the logger cannot exist without his daily bread, and therefore the wheat that became his bread is also in this sheet of paper. And the logger’s father and mother are in it too. When we look in this way we see that without all of these things, this sheet of paper cannot exist.
— Thich Nhat Hanh
Roberta
ParticipantDear Mr A
Oh dear oh dear what a pickle. As a woman who tried for many years to conceive again after having two healthy boys. I remember how each month that I did not get pregnant I felt a failure and less of a woman. If your mindset is mainly to make love to your wife, because you want a child, she is probably going to feel like an unloved brood mare instead of a beloved wife.
I suggest you take the pressure off your wife and stop trying to conceive and spend the next year taking time to nurture your wife’s self esteem after the battering you have given it for the last 3 years. Get playful, make time for each other, dance, find out what’s her joy. You may just have to accept that you will remain childless.
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Rising Again
How lucky you are to work for a kind & understanding friend. I too was once blessed to have a friend like yours. They let me learn a couple of aspects of the job and once I was comfortable & competent added another aspect. He preferred that I took my time & did less, so that there were few mistakes and any that occurred were rectified quickly with no hint of censure.
Relax , enjoy your work & stop comparing yourself to others, that way you will become more productive & competent much quicker than being stressed & critical about your performance.
Roberta
ParticipantDear Flow28
I am sorry that your first intimate encounter turned out not to be in a fully committed relationship.
Does the country you both live in and or his religion prohibit gay relationships?
Nobody likes being given ultimatums especially so early on in a relationships. Yes you can voice your fears regarding alcohol and the possible promiscuous behavior. My son and his friends had a similar tradition for many years, yes there was some drinking, these trips petered out once they had dispersed to different locations, now my son is happily married and with children, but he still gets to visit his best friend for a week end each year with his wife’s blessing and she too is able to have girlie downtime.
It is strange that he did not think that the relationship was not deep enough to commit to official bf/gf status either before or after sexual activity. He may be the type of personality that likes the chase, but is not really interested in the act of conquest itself.
Please do not become bitter or untrusting because of this short lived encounter. Value & love yourself so that when the right seeds for a relationship are sow it will be a happy & supportive.
June 12, 2024 at 9:16 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #433765Roberta
ParticipantDear Robi
I am glad that you start your day intentionally.
Most of us mooch thru the day and only bring gratitude to mind when something either nice or scary/ horrid jolts us out of our dreamlike existence ie you narrowly miss getting hit by a car phew thank goodness wakes us up to how fragile & precious our lives are.
Where as in reality moment by moment there are things to be grateful the clothes you put on were made by some one else along with the food & utensils, the transport, the building you live in. even your electronic devices. Strangers alive & dead have given us so much from the moment of our birth to beyond our last breath. It is easy to pause every couple of hours look around you & take a few moments to acknowledge the interconectedness of our lives.
regards
Roberta
June 11, 2024 at 9:22 am in reply to: growing up – becoming adul / procrastination – in connection to childhood trauma #433712Roberta
ParticipantDear Robi
Having a negative topsy turvey yo yo mind is exhausting for you and impacts on those around you. Learning to have an attitude of gratitude & appreciation will bring about a more positive stable states of mind. Spending time outside in nature especially since its summer and other free public amenities will minimize the time you are in the flat. When you are in the flat have the resolve to be friendly & helpful this will make life easier for all .
regards Rob
Roberta
ParticipantDear Renn
It is possible to feel whole complete and lovable without being in a relationship. A relationship should compliment your life, nurturing with out being stifled, fun with some depth of meaning & room for give and take.
To find out what your heart, head & gut are trying to tell you find a quiet relaxing safe space close your eyes take some deep slow calming breaths and imagine yourself in five years time ie your job where your living, hobbies etc be aware how you are feeling are your hands open or closed is your face relaxed & smiling? and then add in your bf into the mix, note now how your body feels, if it is shrinking or tensing or bracing itself in anyway then it is probably time to draw a line on this relationship.
Best wishes
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Ariel1276
In your last post you shared that your sister in law has noticed the impoliteness of her twin sister towards the people around her. The tit for tat of who is not speaking to who can cause family schisms that ripple down over generations.
You said that Amy spoke as you were leaving a family gathering, was it inflammatory, untruthful?
It is possible to be polite & dignified and also to work on nurturing good relationships within the greater family circle. This of course takes effort & diligence & the willingness to put aside our ego/pain body in these situations.
Regards
Roberta
Roberta
ParticipantDear Simon
I did write a post but manged to loose it when looking back to check that I had read something correctly.
So now due to time pressure it will be short . “Real meditation in minutes a day” may help get you started.
regards Rob
Roberta
ParticipantDear Simon
You do not need to travel far there as many buddhist centres in the UK (that is if you are still living there) a lot of them do guided weekend & week long retreats there you should hopefully meet people who too are looking for something beyond a trivial & shallow way of life. Remember that where ever you go, there you are. So are you running away from something? or are you wanting to grow & cultivate your wisdom & compassion?
For the last 50 plus years humanity has been bombarded with advertising and education that pushes the individualism over the community & environment so no wonder a large section feels disconnected & dissatisfied. Volunteering & being out in nature should help you start to reconnect with your inner peace & vitality.
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