Dear Louise

I am sorry that your mum passed unexpectedly. You have had a lot on your plate dealing with her estate and your yearning for freedom from a relationship that was not fulfilling  you and now you are feeling adrift.

There is not a lot of point discussing should have, would have as this will only pile on the misery.  When you notice one of these disturbing thought/feeling  arise gently tap your heart & say it is okay & it will be okay. This way you are not suppressing or ignore those feeling, your acknowledging them but not adding to them. The other technique to bring you back to the present is the 54321 technique Name 5 things you can see 4 things you can hear 3 things you can smell 2 things you can feel the touch of 1 the taste in your mouth.

If you want to continue with your travels checkout the workaway site where you exchange food & accommodation for about 25 hours work. This will give you built in companionship and save you money and have new experiences.

Roberta

Hi Jana

Karma is a vast and complex subject and as i am a bear of very little brain. I can only remember snippets of this topic in a general and simplified way. As all beings have had countless lives, we all have been each others parents at one time or another. Over our lives we have been & done a lot of things both skillful & unskilful ie tinker tailor soldier sailor richman poorman beggar man thief.

When certain conditions are met then kamic seeds ripen . Look at a tree, we know it needs light, water & nutrients, but I could not tell you which beam of sunlight, which drop of rain and which particular nutrient caused a particular leaf to appear. I am not a buddha!

In life sh!t happens it is how we respond that matters. Living life intentionally, serving others ( even if it just giving a stranger a smile). I can’t change the karma that I created in the past lives but I can be aware of what I am creating now. Acknowledging & then rectifying unskillfulness also dedicating the merit of any skillful actions done by me for the benefit of all sentient beings.

I once had a fancyfull notion about one of my ex’s that we were strongly connected in the past – he loved me but he was a priest and i was a wise woman (witch) & he denounced me & I was burnt at the stake! Years later I was in a church (not with him) in France & I got a feeling that was  where it happened- I couldn’t get out of there quick enough. It was probably a book I read or a film that I have watched that fed my very vivid imagination. What counts is how we treat each other in real life.

Dear Me

I am sorry that your father has terminal cancer ( I looked after my mother at home up to a few weeks before her passing from cancer) my relationship with her had been rocky in the past,  I managed to put aside our past hurts.  I was with her when she passed peacefully.

My comment on this is not meant to be a critisim So I must live it by getting into extremly good shape, make as much money as I can and experience life.  Any statement using words like extremely can cause oneself a problem ie. if you dont meet the high standard of extremely fit how are you going to feel about yourself? Money does not necessarily equate to happiness ( how many rich & famous people have committed suicide or drank & drugged themselves to death). Would you be willing to compromise your health, friends and or ethics to get rich? What kinds life experiences are you looking for?

I pray that your father has a peaceful & pain free passing and that you go on to have a happy & fulfilling life.

Kind regards

Roberta

Dear Omyk

I get that the task of sorting thru your late wife’s things can be overwhelming when you have so little down time due to work pressures. If you can come up with a clear outline before you start, the task will be quicker & easier. ie what kind of photo you want to keep and roughly how many ie a wedding photo, a picture of your wife holding your baby with a loving look upon her face and one with her with your child for each year as they grew up etc. Ok at this moment your teenager is not that sentimental but as the years pass especially if they have children of their own these pictures will become precious connection to their roots.

A dozen photos nicely displayed can bring comfort and assurance that your wife is actively honored over the coming years.

Best wishes

Roberta

dear Laven

I am sorry that you are  presently stuck in an awful thankless situation.  I am looking after my father 93 with dementia so I have walked a little in your shoes re caring. that said your foster family are abusing your good nature and they will not step up to take their fare share of the burden whilst you are there and to be honest from what I have read in your threads  they will make you homeless as soon as she goes into care/hospital or passes away. You have paid more than your dues to your fostermum, time to get out & start healing putting yourself first for once is not selfish in this situation. There is a site called workaway which gives room & board for 25hrs per week work all around the world, this could give you access to accommodation in the immediate short term.

Wishing you all the best

Roberta

Dear Cutie J

Before you traveled to see your GF you knew in your heart of hearts that she wanted out of the relationship long distance or not.

Of course we only have a snapshot of the relationship to base our comments on.  As she is not writing here, there has to be some supposition going on about her motives & feeling.  Her previous relationship was an emotional minefield for her due to her partners suicidal tendencies.  Your issues put her into yet another minefield, she must have breathed a huge sigh of relief when you moved to another city. Of course it is possible that there is some kind of co-dependancy going on as well.

Your violent out burst in her home ( which should be her safe space) had her locking herself in a closet and brandishing a pair of scissors for protection. Afterwards she just tried to keep herself safe by trying to keep things both on an even keel  and also grabbed the opportunity to be out of your presence by going to play tennis until you left.

Moving forward it is in your power to seek professional help to heal the damage that was caused from your childhood onwards & not pursue another relationship until things are well on the way to have been successfully resolved thus reducing the chances of a co-dependency arising.

Roberta

Dear John

I find the teachings on” what makes a precious human birth” counteract any extensional thoughts.

Each of us are uniquely the same – we all want happiness & freedom from suffering.

When we joyfully set aside the self centered grasping mind and purposefully take care of others and the planet.

Love contentment connection & joy abound.

regards Roberta