Dear Confused

That is right mindfulness is that process of awareness. In Buddhism we have the three foundations – teachings/contemplation, meditation & ethical conduct. Each of these support the other to help us along the journey. Many people do not like to think or look really deeply about their ethical conduct & what it entails and what they need to do to stop hurting themselves or others.

Maybe you could change your how you think about that empty space you have. It is an open space/clean slate where you have the opportunity to reflect & choose which seeds you want to plant & tend there……love, compassion, wisdom, empathy, community to name but a few or worry, anxiety, grasping & rejecting anger, impatience etc. About a decade or so ago I did a meditation using an apple, then I put the core in a pot with some compost & tended it, it sprouted & eventually I planted it out in the garden & kept it free from other weeds that could smother it, it kept growing & after a few years it started bearing fruit, which now many people can enjoy.

I have to start kinda forcing my thoughts to go another way i guess.. is what you said to Anita….. It is not about forcing thoughts away, more about seeing the thought, not grasping it, but gently letting it go. Then congratulating yourself for the process of spotting & letting go & then choosing where you want to put your attention. So initially you may realize that you have spent 5 minutes on a certain train of thoughts before you realize that they were un helpful. if you can you could try writing the thoughts down in reverse order. So that you can start to see a pattern or links. Then the time lapse between getting pulled into a certain kind of stream of thoughts & the noticing will get quicker, eventually you may even notice that initial spark, thought, movement, feeling or sensation and choose whether or not you want to nurture it.

Have you seen anything about the Walk for Peace – some Buddhist monks have been walking for the last 3 months from Fort Worth in Texas to Washington DC – it fills me with hope & inspiration
I hope that this has been helpful to you.
Roberta

Dear Confused
I am sorry that my style & content does not appear to help you to understand samsaric life in general & or your life in particular.

I have just wrote a line & then deleted it .. the ego level of my mind was starting to take control, but then i heard the wisdom mind thought that said” this is not about me” hence the deletion.
So I will leave it here & wish you happiness & the causes of happiness
Roberta

Dear Confused

Similarity…But its been 5 days and radio silence – she has not been in touch and then your later posts states .. i think i feel no motivation at all to communicate with her. ie neither of you feel like communicating with each other. So why do you impatiently expect her to communicate with you in a timescale that suits you when she explicitly said she was overwhealmed & had no energy to talk?
I had to ask someone to give me a communication break back in October & I am still not ready to converse with them.

As to our thoughts in general you could see it as like AI everything we have seen, heard, read & experienced in our life is the input to our system. for instance I am sitting meditating & my tummy rumbles this is an input sensation, then I think “I am hungry” next thought “what shall I eat? followed by ” Shall I have a cheese sandwich?” then “No I had that for lunch yesterday” then “Hmm I fancy peanut butter” again yet another movement of thought “oh I forgot to get any when I went to the shop last week” followed by ” I better go and get some” then I move my body & stop the meditation session. Or I am meditating tummy rumbles I note the sensation “tummy rumbling” & I consciously return my attention to the object of my meditation …awareness of the breath & continue to meditate for another 20 mins or so.
I read somewhere that each of us has 64,000 thoughts a day, but how many do we recognize, believe & decide whether or not to act upon on?
Regards
Roberta

regards

Dear Confused

Your quote “We stopped contacting each other because she told me she was overwhelmed with family stuff and she had no energy to talk, so i told her to hit me up anytime she feels better or needs something if i can help and she said “yes honey we will talk”
But its been 5 days and radio silence..My mind tells me she is trying to leave slowly but that’s what it always does, catastrophizing.”

and then a few days later “We didn’t end it tonight, but i think i feel no motivation at all to communicate with her”
Can you see the similarity? two side of the same coin, .

Depression takes so much energy to sustain its self once it gets hold. For instance I have noted in myself if I believe the initial depressive thought I feel X today and do not recognize that it is in fact just a momentary feeling, I am is writing off the whole day mentally, these “micro depressions’ if not counteracted at source & then checked to make sure that they are not true through out the day will turn into the heavy fog of full blown depression. Connecting with nature & other beings helps to water the seeds of happiness one drop at a time. We may not notice any positive changes for quite a while, but the gaping hole or heaviness can heal. Having the aspiration to have the attitude of say gratitude you smile at a stranger, help some one in need in other words fake it to you make it. It is better to do something useful with your time whilst you have the energy even if it is only for 10 minutes, there is still 24hrs in a day all of us have options. Even if one is bed ridden you can spend time in prayer for others.

I do not mean to sound harsh, more trying to help you see that there are alternative ways of being.
Kind regards
Roberta

Dear Omyk

I know it is hard to sit with uncertainty, & we like to know where we are going & what we are doing & that it is in our control.

Some how trust in your faith, destiny moves in mysterious ways. Just plant the seeds of peace in yourself & help water those seeds in others along your & their’s journey.
Have you been watching the monks who are doing a walk of peace in America? very inspirational.
Use your core values to help support you in this time of uncertainty.
I wish you health happiness & peace & prosperity
Roberta

Hi Laura
Wow that sounds intense & scary. Does it feel like things are snowballing too fast?
I guess you could say to him that you are not ready to look to any concrete future beyond your studies & that talk of marriage & kids is definitely not on your radar now or in the near future. If you are going out on doubledate with your best friend, you can use that as an opportunity to be stronger about your politics, hair etc. anything that highlights your differing perspectives. Hopefully he will take time to reflect & see that you are not this romantic fantasy, but an independent person in their own right.
Best wishes
Roberta