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first you must open your eyes, your heart, and your mind. absorb these words because they are here to help guide you. now, first and foremost you need to know one thing. YOU ARE SIXTEEN. you are at your ripest- to be enlightened, inspired, and motivated. no other age is quite like this. you have entered a new stage in your life, a stage that can sadly last many people longer than it should. this is the stage of life where you officially begin to GROW. from now on you are seeing the world through a new lens; every single thing that intrigues you, appeals to you, and ignites the fire that is your passion- each and every one of those things will shape you into the person you are meant to be. and the best thing is, you and ONLY YOU are in control of the shaping process. that is what your youth is all about- finding yourself. and as i said, for some people it takes longer than others. the ones who take a little more time than they should, are the ones who lack inspiration, creativity, and self love. it is true- these things are hard to develop, and it takes TIME. but you are SIXTEEN. do you even realize how good of a place you are in and how much time you have? from reading your passage, you do not. relax. (this is where meditation practices can be very useful). this is why i came to you and felt the need to take the time to help you. listen to me: no sixteen year old should ever be in such a dark place that they say these words “I feel as if i’ve been on an endless search my entire life.” i am happy however to say that you are very wise for your age, many teens, even some adults, do not recognize this until it is too late. this endless search you speak of is what GROWTH is all about. please, understand me because i know all too well the mindset you are in right now. you say you are in need of something to fill the emptiness inside of you. one question, would you say that you feel happy with the person that you are? are you somebody that struggles with confidence and security in yourself? i know all too well what that is like. here is the thing. right now you are reading the words of a 16 year old as well. me. i apologize if i sound like a weird spiritual person who is trying too hard to sound smart. but this is me being as genuine and as compassionate as i can be. you need some words of encouragement. we are so fortunate to have such a long and eventful life in front of us to decide how we want to grow, and who we want to be as people. you seem like a very smart and observant person who is very good at picking up on what your heart is telling you. its really a beautiful thing that you are driven to find out what you are searching for. i cannot tell you what that thing is. i cannot help you any more than by giving you words of whatever wisdom i may have. every individual on this planet has, is, and was once in your position. being lost can be bad and good. in your case it sounds more like a negative… you are definitely being brought down by it, maybe even into a state of depression… its also very possible that you struggle with anxiety.(trust me, i would know. i am on anti-anxiety/ anti-depressants because of that exact reason). i am sure you have given some thought into how teaching yourself to look at the positive side could really improve your frame of mind? it is so cliché and overstressed, being positive. but it would amaze you how big of a change it makes. sorry if my response went off topic a few times. i find that writing makes my thoughts flow sometimes a bit too fast, and i just feel the impulse to write them all down.
long story short: you are needing to be reminded that there is still more of your life left to live, you are so young and have more time to grow than you could ever imagine. this difficult time of feeling lost and lacking motivation is something so much like what i went through not even much longer than a year ago. nobody really knows how confidence comes, it just sort of happens. when you seek inspiration, and REALLY tune in to what your inner self is feeling and trying to express, it is truly amazing how much you can learn and apply to your life. don’t pressure yourself and convince yourself that you HAVE to keep writing. do something else that may unlock your creativity in a similar way that writing does. if not, then think of it this way. you cannot EXPECT yourself to be able to dive right in to picking up your pen and writing in the condition that you are in. forget about the writing for now. i really think your main objective should be to do some serious soul searching and truly make an effort to figure out what inspires you. do things that make you feel good about yourself, like you are CAPABLE of achieving goals. again, don’t start with the writing if you are lacking motivation. really just think about what kind of person you want to be and go after it. for me, i still don’t even know who i want to be. i found inspiration through art, and practicing yoga. (now don’t get me wrong I’m not like a super spiritual person), yoga just made me feel good mentally and physically, and it also really felt amazing to know that i was taking the initiative to get in my car and GO to yoga. i felt like i was accomplishing something. see thats what i mean, it can be something as simple as just getting something done. also another very good thing is to become observant of life around you. really notice things about people, and seriously take the time to appreciate those things. appreciate, appreciate, appreciate. i think I’ve said enough……. i really do hope you can find yourself and that maybe i was somewhat of a help.
life is special. and the best way to live a fulfilling life is to love yourself, and appreciate others. always try to maintain your happiness- if you aren’t happy, you are not living, you are just existing. by writing this super long response it made me feel good because i was taking the time to care, and i really genuinely do care. i hope this time of hopelessness you feel will not last much longer at all!!
Melissa- thanks for such a profoundly written reply. i am very grateful that you took the time to share with me your opinions and story! i love what you said about everybody you meet offering a lesson. that is such a great way to look at it. and i am glad for you that you were able to break away from your earlier life that you were unhappy in- NOBODY deserves to live unhappily or unsatisfied. good for you for taking the initiative and following your heart. and thats great your friend was able to help. ” I also believe that the happier you are within yourself; the greater love you have for yourself; the more attractive you are to others.” this part was so beautifully put! very very true! your words were inspiring to me and you definitely answered my question
this post is so great and happy! thank you for sharing. and i myself totally relate and connect; in fact, i used to think i had some kind of bipolar condition because i would feel so ecstatic and amazed at everything around me, and so HAPPY with life! and then the elation would suddenly leave me, or just die down… but to really answer your question- no, you are NOT alone and yes, i know exactly what you are talking about. life is beautiful and there is simply nothing more plentiful, overwhelming (in both good and sometimes bad ways), exciting, and unpredictable as life! you always hear people saying “live life to the fullest; you only live once; life is short” – but very few GENUINELY take those truths into consideration. those who do live fulfilling lives and inspire other people around them. so keep on loving life! imagine how much more wonderful the world would be if everyone made an effort to remind themselves and others that life is such a precious thing!
well i am very glad i was able to help you to not feel alone! one question though- do you happen to have ADD or ADHD? because i am amazed at how much i can relate to your story and i myself have very bad ADD; people with ADD are known to usually always have many thoughts going on in their heads and often zone out or lose focus, which could be an explanation for the “autopilot” you mentioned here. however that is only just a thought that occurred to me, and most likely is not the answer… hopefully learning to be mindful, as Matt said, will solve the problem you and i are both experiencing!
“I’m not being nor presenting myself to my true potential, as my true self. When I am at my true potential and completely in the moment I frankly amaze myself with my wonderful social communications, witty mind, intellect, free will decisions, and natural confidence. My problem is I’m scarcely that self… I need to find a way to connect to myself and stay connected because I cannot take this anymore.”
the particular quote above was especially relatable to me! what you described is probably not all that uncommon or unusual- what makes it seem that way is a matter of people not really realizing when it happens or even recognizing that they do it at all. like you said, it was a sudden “epiphany”.
though i do not have the time to respond with a thoughtful and complex answer, i would just really like to let you know that you are not alone here. reading this passage made me feel so relieved- you were able to put in words what has been bouncing around my mind for so long. to be honest i do not know completely how to connect with the person you want to be. it is easy to say it, but to really do it takes time. Matt had a wonderful answer, i suggest you take his words to consideration. i am only here to say, i feel the same way! good luck on your journey to connect to yourself through mindfulness and i encourage you not to lose confidence along the way.