Forum Replies Created
May 15, 2023 at 9:04 am in reply to: Aimless 21 years old #418764
Thanks for your answer. You are right, it’s a general problem, it seems. At least in Europe. I was also thinking of tracking. Maybe he could go together with his mum, so they could get closer and maybe talk about what bothers him in depth. Although he has done therapy which didn’t seem to help much. The other thing I thought of was working for an NGO in Africa or in India. Maybe he would realize how good his life is here and he would feel useful by helping others. Who knows what’s going on in his head.
Have a nice week ahead.May 12, 2023 at 10:36 pm in reply to: Aimless 21 years old #418548
Ta Tee, that’s exactly what I think: I am nobody’s savior and I definitely don’t preach. I also thought that if he wants, we can go for a drink and I can tell him stories of my life which might wake up his creativity and motivate him to use it in a positive way: write or paint or who knows. I think there is just a fine line about how you use your energy. One just needs to find it. Sometimes a book can can be life changing.
Have a great weekend.May 12, 2023 at 9:53 am in reply to: Aimless 21 years old #418538
Thanks so much for your answer. Actually, I have only met him once. I have just reconnected with my old school friend whose sister invited me to her bday. That’s where I met him and that’s where my friend’s sister told me about the disastrous stories of him. Smoking weed, not studying, doing stupid things while high. They have suggested him many options, even found jobs for him but he doesn’t want any of them. Today they set a deadline by when he has to move out of the flat, sell his car in order to pay for the stupidity he had done and find a job or continue university. He said ok. As I travel a lot and he found me ‘cool’ at the bday party, my friend’s sister hopes that I can talk to him and maybe have a good ‘influence’ on him or convince him to get his stuff together. But I’d rather agree with you. If he doesn’t want to change, even God would be unable to make him change. Additionally, I don’t have kids myself, so I might not be the right person to give advice 🙂May 12, 2023 at 8:59 am in reply to: Aimless 21 years old #418536
Thanks a lot, Tee. That’s exactly what she is doing. She has stopped giving him money but still buy him food. He lives separately in one of their apartments, I think he doesn’t need to pay the rent. Therapy would be a good idea. Apparently he has read many books on psychology, mainly on how to manipulate people. I can fully understand that nowadays it’s not easy for young people. Moralizing is not a solution either. I just don’t know how to support my friend. They are absolutely clueless because he just doesn’t want to do anything…. I promised I would talk to him but don’t really know what else i can say.February 27, 2023 at 11:54 am in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415887
Sorry for my late answer but I check in less since you left. And also, my mum is very I’ll, so I had to come to europe – from Asia – in emergency. I was standing at the airport in thongs and t-shirt in the middle of below 0 🙂 I haven’t been to Europe in winter since 10 years… So now I am taking care of mum and her brother who is also sick, has no family and cannot do anything at the moment.
I sincerely think that your work is essential here. Everybody is lovely and seems concerned but somehow, I always found your analysis fantastic. And additionally, as I mentioned, you never let anybody down, you always got back to the person as you promised. Which is, unfortunately, rare in life nowadays. People talk so much but rarely follow up. They even forget what they say 🙂
Nevertheless, you should do what you feel right. If you don’t get back, it’s fine. I am very happy that people like you exist.
<p style=”text-align: left;”>I have just read the comments in Anita’s Choice to Leave but I couldn’t find anything from you. Could you please tell me again where you submitted your posts on 15th? I would like to read. Many thanks.</p>
February 13, 2023 at 2:38 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415360
You are forgiven 🙂 I think sometimes it helps a bit to know that we are not alone. Because, as far as i am concerned, I always look for some error on my side. Try to find out what I have done wrong etc. It’s such a shame when a friend disappear without communication. But in the end, it’s their solution to something…February 7, 2023 at 4:54 pm in reply to: Anita’s Choice to Leave the Forums #415142
I’ve been reading this blog with interest and pleasure for years. I found it was a safe, kind and serious place, especially because of Anita’s answers. She takes people’s questions very seriously, has objective and intelligent answers. She always follows up, never lets anybody down. I have the feeling that she is one of the solid rocks of this forum. Her answers to others’ questions helped me as well. I have always admired her professionalism and the time she invested in her comments. She often says she will be back in 10 or 20 hours 🙂 And she is. As I said: she never let’s anybody down.
I rarely react on the internet as I don’t really trust it and I don’t like to talk about myself. Now I feel I should communicate because I think that this forum will not be the same without Anita’s kind and intelligent presence. And even though I am not an active member, she should know that her precious contribution can touch and help people all over the world without her knowing it.
Nevertheless, I fully understand that she needs a break but I hope that this conflict will be solved in a peaceful way and she will be back soon. In the end that’s why this forum exists, doesn’t it.February 6, 2023 at 2:04 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415091
I really hope that you will not be “removed”! As far as I understood during the time I was reading your answers to people on this forum, you are a wonderful person who really cares of people, read their messages and your answers are always considerate, objective and aim to help. You are always patient and take everybody’s problem seriously. I’ve been always wondering how you do it!
Please have my whole support, in case it helps keep you on this forum.February 6, 2023 at 1:42 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415089
Thanks for your answer. It’s true, many people have this out of sight, out of mind attitude.February 6, 2023 at 1:31 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415087
It’s so sad that you’ll be ‘removed” after such a long time of contributing to the forum. Thanks for your valuable comments.February 5, 2023 at 12:36 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415046
Yes, it would be really nice to have all of humanity as supportive friends towards each other. I don’t think there are many other solutions… AI is good and useful but cannot replace us.
<div id=”line_space” dir=”auto”>I don’t know what you do in life but you seem to have a very good understanding of human psyche. I think you are spot on with my friend. She offered me to stay at her house any time and as long as I wanted to. I would never ask for it. If people offer, I accept it, otherwise I find a solution. So one summer I stayed at hers for a month. She said I could help myself with anything in the fridge and in the kitchen. Usually I do the housework when I stay with friends; I clean, do the laundry, iron, cook dinner. One morning I noticed that she had 5 old jars of honey open with one spoon of honey left in each. So instead of opening up a new jar, I just finished the old ones. A few days days later I noticed that my friend was not talking to me, tried to avoid me. I asked her what went wrong- maybe at work or issues with the boyfriend, I thought. It took her 3 days to tell me that she was angry with me because I had finished the honey jars! Obviously, before I left, I bought her 5 jars of special honey coming from all over the world. In my family we open one jar and finish it before opening a new one, so I just wanted to save the brand new honey. It’s a minor issue but proves that you are probably right. Something must have triggered something in her mind. But I still think that with a bit of communication we can easily avoid misunderstandings and solve many problems.</div>
<div id=”line_space” dir=”auto”>I could have easily bought myself a new pot of honey and eat that one if she hadn’t had told me to help myself with anything in the kitchen…. how silly life can be.</div>
<div id=”line_space” dir=”auto”>still don’t know what to think about all these vanishing. Why people say one thing and do the opposite or do nothing at all… I suppose that I just have to accept it and live with it. Try to grow, as Sheli said so wisely.</div>
<div id=”line_space” dir=”auto”>I am lucky to be surrounded by beautiful nature, it really helps me to go for long walks and be thankful for small things like a fresh breeze, a butterfly, cute flowers, the sound of the rain on my roof.</div>
<div dir=”auto”>Thanks for your helpful support.</div>
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</div>February 4, 2023 at 4:35 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415033
Thank you so much for your answer. It’s interesting to see like this. I have thought of many reasons but not of unluck. Maybe it’s just unluck.
Yes, I travel between Asia and Europe. Now that I lost my partner, I am wondering where to settle, how to set up my business. It feels like a heavy task and I dream of someone with whom I could work as a team. But I sense that it’s not happening and as Sheli said, I have to learn and grow. I have to go through this and find solutions alone. So I will do so but in my brain there’s still the question : why is it happening to me? Why can’t I have that supportive, communicative circle of friends where we all support each other, make each other laugh. I know it may sound childish but it’s the truth.February 4, 2023 at 4:25 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #415032
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. It must be very disappointing to lose a friend if 30 years! I suppose that people and situations change. But we can still go through stuff together and if it doesn’t work out, well, at least it’s clear. But just vanishing is so surreal somehow.
Yes, I am definitely at a crossroad. After my partner’s death my life took a 180 degrees turn in 2 minutes. We were a kind of nomadic people, so we don’t have a house or a car. He did art and I do creative work as well. I understand that this kind of lifestyle is not everybody’s cup of tea.
I do know many people of course, I try to socialise as much as I can. I am outgoing and very interested in people. It’s always been like this. It’s hard for me to ignore people. I have many ideas energy, maybe that’s the problem. It might be overwhelming for certain. I don’t know. I just try not to expect too much and get too disappointed.
Thanks so much for your encouragement. It really helps: I will repeat that I have endless possibilities until it becomes my reality.
And yes, I have been reading reactions on this forum for years, that’s why finally i dared to write. I don’t share too much of my thoughts with people but I really need a bit of help to sort out this ‘vanishing thing’.February 4, 2023 at 12:38 pm in reply to: Why friends disappear? #414951
<p style=”text-align: left;”>Thank you so much for your prompt answer.</p>
Yes, I was in shock when I got the call that my partner passed away just a few hours after we had talk. I was alone without any support. I seemed help online at a widows association. They write back immediately and it helped to realize that I was not alone with such a situation. I am still in denial I think but try to carry on with life and organize it as good as I can.
1) I see, the pandemic must have changed a lot in people’s behavior. I am sure that you are right. We were stuck in a tropical country with my partner during covid, we could go out into nature, so maybe it was less traumatic for us. But I can imagine what a lockdown means in an appartment.
Nevertheless, there friends vanished years before the pandemic. One is back but writes less often than used to and never suggests that we skype. Whereas before she had often initiated a skype session.
The other friend used to say how much she loved me, I could stay at her’s any time I was in town, we could set up our business together, she admires me. And one day, out of the blue, she wrote to me that I could remove my stuff from her flat. Once I was in town, we agreed I would pick up. She put out everything to the street in front of the house, she didn’t say hi, didn’t even open the door. It happened 6 years ago and I am still wondering why. I found it very rude and unbelievable. Why do you say you love a person and then you do this? I am confused. If I love someone and I have a problem, I try to talk about it and find a solution…. I would never do this to a foreign person.
2) Yes, you are so right. We are less connected emotionally since we have technology. Yes, I see people sitting next to each other and text. I see people reading their phone during a discussion. Surrealist. I am 56, not 80. Just to make it clear that I am aware of technology as well but I don’t check my phone when i am with someone.
I feel a bit alien, to tell you the truth. I try to have understanding of others but I still think that we all have a minute to send a text from time to time. I don’t ask for hours of conversations, just a message from time to time to check in. But if I don’t text, nobody does.
Thank you for your time and the useful comments, Anita. It creates a bit of clarity in my head and let me see things under a different angle. Which is very helpful.February 4, 2023 at 7:06 am in reply to: Vent session: when your friends don’t care about you as much as you do them #414945
Thanks for your prompt answer, Anita. I have just posted my question again in All forums.