October 8, 2013 at 3:26 am #43414
The last day or so I’ve been evaluating both the positive and negative influences in my lift and have decided to make a conscious effort to remove the negatives as much as possible. One of the biggest of these, in my opinion, is the social networking site Facebook. I’ve been subscribed to the site since 2008/09, I’ve deactivated my account a couple of times between then and now but I’ve never actually thought about deleting it fully(apparently deactivating is more like a suspension of the service while deleting gets rid of it all forever) . However, since I’ve started think a lot on the good/bad in life I’ve come to see Facebook as something detrimental; people treat it as a substitute for real socialisation, it encourages comparison to others and it gives enough distance for people to feel safe to say things that are harmful to others and to cause negative situations. It had some great uses at university, allowing the entirety of my course to have a place in which we can discuss the course, assignments and our ideas but now that’s done I see no benefit of using it, leading me to, for the last few hours, think about just getting rid of it entirely.
I was hoping I could get your opinions on this as well as on the site in general.
Liam.October 8, 2013 at 5:28 am #43421
omg…this sounds like me. I was realizing what a burden Facebook seemed to be in my life and I deactivated it around 2 or 3 months ago.
I haven’t taken the full step of deleting it though. But the longer I’m away from it, the less I feel the inclination to go back on.
It feels like a relief and it’s hard to put into words why.
I mentioned to a friend once about how annoyed and stressed I felt regarding people’s posts. One person does nothing but complain, another does nothing but brag, others can be downright mean, but even the ones who seem like bags of sunshine didn’t seem to elevate the mood. And I think one of the things that started getting to me is that it was basically people saying the same exact thing every day…and some posting so many times a day, as if in bids for constant attention and approval. And I started not liking myself for thinking not very nice things about so many people every day!!! I feel that Facebook really promotes the habit of looking outside instead of looking inward.
So, in the end, this relief I feel at not being involved in it anymore is such a positive! But FB is so insidious in our culture now. I had deactivated my account a while ago and during the process of applying to a job online I had to reactivate it because this company wanted everyone to be on a lot of social networking sites. I don’t do Twitter or Vine or any others so I thought I had better reactivate my FB. I never heard back regarding that job app and so a couple of months later I deactivated it again. This time for good.
I really see no need to ever go back. But back to the friend I was telling about how FB made me feel stressed and anxious and she said that I shouldn’t take things so personally. Which, I guess is good advice. And , to be honest, there are some things about it that I will miss. I made new friends, reconnected with long lost friends but for me the negative outweighed the positive. And I know I made the right decision because I feel good, inside, not being there anymore. I can’t even tell you how many times people will tell me about being upset regarding a post someone wrote. You are right, it instigates a lot of problems in real life that probably would not exist if it were not for FB. I also agree that it does replace actual, real social interaction between people and so many regard FB interactions as adequate.
I agree with you that in the beginning, when it was just for college students it was probably the best and served a noble purpose. It’s now become nothing more than a tool to feed the narcissist within.
I think that the only reason I haven’t gotten rid of it entirely is because it seems as if not having a FB page is something that society has labeled ‘anti-social’…like something is wrong with you if you don’t have it. So I guess if I keep it deactivated for long enough I will get to the point where I can just take that final step. But for now, I’m just really happy to be away from it. ^-^
AlexxandraOctober 8, 2013 at 5:50 am #43423
Fb is a business. Remember that. Take it for what it is. I stopped going on it but I have friends and family in different countries so I keep my account.
By not going on it for a long time, you will notice that when you do go on it, it doesn’t do anything to you emotionally. Every time I read someone that I know is struggling’s “my hubby..my soul mate is amazing” post…I just smile. I know this person is trying to smile and make the best out of their life.
Take me for example, when I was with my ex we traveled the world. From different countries I would post “what a great life… Greetings from Seville”…everyone who saw that post thought I was living the best life. They envied me but they didn’t know the agony I was in. My ex was slowly ..mentally leaving me and I was dying inside. He was my love and I was trying everything to keep him…everything. So see, you can’t compare your behind the scene to anyone’s highlights.
So next time you go on Feb..take it for what it is. Trust me, I don’t like Mark zuckerbug and think he is a tool so I don’t go on FB for that. 🙂October 8, 2013 at 6:05 am #43424
Personally I’m not into the whole social networking thing anyways, I feel like it can bring a lot of negative emotions and fake ones as well. You see other people and think their lives are just so perfect and start comparing it to yours. And no matter how hard you try you still do it subconsciously, “don’t compare your insides to other peoples outsides” . I feel like being “too close” to my friends is never healthy that way we have nothing to talk about when we are together other than , what this person posted or what that person posted, plus I like to have a little mystery in all my relationships as well as leaving my social world for REAL life cuz with me I really enjoy being alone anyway. also So many fake accounts go up everyday as well starting all kinds of bullying and issues for people, so in my opinion as a fresh new start for you , I would delete the facebook, I just think it does bring a lot of negative emotions into our life and can frustrate us so why not just get rid of it? If there is someone you need to keep contact with there is always skype where you can only talk to people when you need to 🙂December 12, 2013 at 7:28 am #46629
I have been thinking about this for probably a year or so. I don’t think that Facebook itself is necessarily evil, although I don’t like some of their practices. I think it is natural for people to want to communicate with each other, and Facebook is just an extension of that human expression.
However, I have noticed that I spend an excessive amount of time on the site when I am standing around, waiting for something, watching a commercial, etc. The issue that I have with this excessive usage is that I am constantly comparing myself to others, thinking about whether a post or photo a friend has posted is genuine or exaggerated, etc. Not only that, but combining what my friends post and “like” along with the specific pages that I follow naturally changes my perception on certain issues. Often these perceptions aren’t bad, but I know that there are negative effects that I am not necessarily aware of at the moment.
This is all very unhealthy. In fact, the Economist ran a story about how “Facebook is bad for ya”. Of course, I think that someone who casually uses Facebook is fine, because it is a great way to stay in contact with people from different parts of our lives (it seems no one wants to bother with e-mail these days). For myself, I have completely removed my account and will create a new one when I feel that I am in a healthier part of my life. For now, I will be the strange < 40 without a Facebook profile.June 12, 2015 at 4:32 pm #78139
I have my FB but had to do a spring cleaning and wiped out people who I thought were being negative , jealous , catty, etc. I don’t have time for that non sense as a 31 married woman I have learned that people who care about your happiness will be there and will only want the best for you. Do not waste your time on negative people who don’t have anything nice to say. Why be around that ? Be around people who lift you up ! If you haven’t yet , listen to Dr. Wayne Dyer and read Pastor Rick Warrens book ” purpose driven life ” I always talk about these two people cause they know what there talking about and it’s about life! Hope that helps keep your head strong and don’t take anyone’s crap either ! ( I guess I am kinda a tough cookie)June 12, 2015 at 5:16 pm #78143
Yes I know it can be difficult, but as long as you keep in contact with your close friends/family members and focus on yourself, you will feel liberated and free from constantly posting status updates and worrying about posting pictures showing your “friends” that you are living a fulfilling life.
I have been on FB since 2006/07 and it wasn’t until last year when I stayed cleared of it. My record is 1 year and a few months of not going online. Now I just go on and post occasional status updates and get in touch with someone if I don’t have their phone number. I send cards out to people I know for birthdays and holidays rather than post on their wall. At the most I spend 5 min or less when/IF I HAVE TO go online.
Remember take what you see on FB with a grain of salt. It’s a site full of narcissism and insecurity whether it be the people posting millions of selfies to the couples that post constant status updates about their relationship. If you’re an empathetic person or trying to be more empathic, you can almost sense that insecurity and fear from that person’s post.
When you are not so active or “not popular/visible” on the site, it allows for you to grow as a person (talents/skills, no need to compare yourself to others, etc.) and makes you that much more interesting
Now excuse me while I go share this forum post on facebook 😛
June 30, 2015 at 2:08 pm #79041
- This reply was modified 4 years, 6 months ago by Adam P.
I used to have a Facebook profile back when I was at university.
For me, it’s just one big forum of upmanship – the impression I got was of people trying to out-do each other with photos and details of their lives, trying to tell everybody else how much fun a person is having, how they are going to all the parties, what they have etc. Needing validation from other people about these things, and chasing status with their statuses!
And it is very hypocritical of me to criticize all of the above-mentioned because I was guilty of the exact same thing too. At school I felt inferior to my classmates (I was bullied) but when I signed up to Facebook many years later I started adding my old classmates to my friends list (or they found me) – I got a lot of photo comments from them saying things like “OMG You’ve changed so much you look so cool now!” – I felt validated and it felt good to not feel like the person they had made me feel like back at school. It almost turned into an addiction – trying to out-do other people, trying to find acceptance and worth with how many likes my post had. Looking back now, I just looked and came across like a complete idiot.
But most of the time I was always worried about people leaving mean comments on my photos or my wall – this feeling of dread got worse when I didn’t log in for at least a week. Thoughts of “Oh no, somebody is probably leaving really horrible things on my wall” or “Oh no, somebody has probably uploaded the photos from when I was drunk the other night and I looked like an absolute prat” or “Oh no, I’m never going to get the job I applied for because they have probably looked me up on Facebook and saw my posts and photos of me being stupid…”
Facebook probably does have it’s uses – you can stay in touch with people you are unable to see regularly in real life but besides this, I think it’s making people more antisocial. People don’t talk in real life or ask how we are doing because we already know, thanks to their Facebook status. But most of the time it used to annoy me when somebody on my friends list who I had never even spoken to in real life used to post how much she couldn’t wait to watch some silly reality TV show, or when my old housemates used to congregate in the living room with their laptops just talking about what people have posted. It’s also very easy for people to cyber-bully and target somebody with abuse (I saw this quite a lot online at uni) and I think shaming and abusing somebody online when other people can read all about it is low and disgusting.
Long story short, I deleted my account. I feel so much better for it. I will probably sign up again soon because I need to promote my artwork but I’m not doing personal social media again. No thanks!July 10, 2015 at 2:13 pm #79634
I’ve been thinking about leaving it since a while as well.
For several reasons – a lot of them have been mentioned above already.
What you surround yourself with, what you occupy your time with, you will become more of that. So is facebook the kind of ‘environment’ i want to be influenced by?
I think i used to – or maybe still, but slowly trying to grow out of it – have a strong inclination to ‘needing to be seen by others’ in order to exist. I never was like one of those super active facebook users but facebook of course, does increase this way of feeling a lot. I’ll post something, and then other people (whether friends, or vague acquaintences or people who i would like to impress…) will see it and they will think that i’m clever (or whatever). That kind of attitude, which is growing too much in our world. So i would rather leave it, cause it is cultivating unhealthy habits and attitudes in myself, that i would like to decrease instead of increase.
Also, comparing with other people indeed. I personally have to be very, very careful with comparing, and i’m not the only one. Especially in moments when i’m tired, i can find myself looking on facebook, looking at others peoples’ pictures, and looking up more and more people, from secondary/primary school, people i once met… See what they do, how shiny they look… Only for that alone, i’d like to leave it. It is not good for my mental health. Let alone the time that i spend doing that, imagine i would use that time on myself, for learning or doing things i would enjoy…
Facebook is for me mainly about creating a persona, a way you represent yourself to the world. That is something that we in real life also tend to do. ‘I’m a very helpful person’ ‘I’m the cool guy’ ‘I’m so full of new ideas’… While, reality, and real people are always much more complex than that. Also in real life it can be hard to experience ourselves with all our aspects.
For a while i wanted to stay because it was an easy way to keep in contact with people. I moved to an other country and have only a few friends in my own country. So for one or two of them, who are posting updates about their life, photos of their children, or their trips, for them i am honestly happy that i can see those photos. I feel that i have a bit more insight in what’s going on in their daily life. (although i don’t do it myself cause i don’t find myself that interesting). But then, when i talk or mail to them personally, and you get the whole picture, they are having a hard time coping with everything – why do i let myself fool around by facebook…? It is actually a way of creating more distance between me and those friends, cos i see their lovely pictures, i am happy for them, and leave a nice comment, and that’s it. If we are really friends, then i can much better send a personal mail or text, even just to say hi and how are you, and the contact will be real and personal. But of course, that takes more risks, because they sometimes don’t reply and then i feel ignored or rejected.
Also i do enjoy long, personal e-mails or nice, serious or just funny chat sessions a LOT more, of course, they are much more satisfying.
<quote>I can’t even tell you how many times people will tell me about being upset regarding a post someone wrote. You are right, it instigates a lot of problems in real life that probably would not exist if it were not for FB.</quote>
Yes i’ve always found that inredibally funny and interesting.
So, actually i have more than enough reasons to delete it and i should do it rather today than tomorrow.
But. I am very shy, socially anxious, and don’t make easily contact with people. So i feel that facebook sort of makes up a little bit for pieces of information that i get through facebook.
News from the town where i live – sometimes, not too much actually.
I joined a lot of groups about topics that interest me and that i’d like to learn more about – so i do get some information or ideas or articles through them. But probably, i would also find these things through, for example, reading interesting blogs or discussion foras. And this way actually seems to distract me from learning, because i’ll spend much less time reading books because of facebook.
At the moment i am following a lovely online course, about something interesting and i’m very glad to have discovered that website. And that’s what bothers me: i found that course, because somebody put the link for it, on the wall of a friend. So i’m just afraid to miss out on these things by leaving facebook. Since i don’t have much contact with other people, i don’t get that input through that way.
But i do think i’ll take the step to remove it soon and it might make my life more healthy and interesting.July 24, 2015 at 8:01 am #80371
I don’t know what you may feel but I JUST HATE FACEBOOK! If I ever felt so bad in my life, that’s just because of fb. I joined fb Four years ago. I was kind of nervous to talk to people by that time. But socialising with unknown people helped me up with being open and coming out of shyness. It did help me but most of the time I got in trouble with people over there who were totally unknown to me. Facebook isn’t bad or anything. But the people using it scare the hell out of me. I got addicted to it so deeply when I began using fb, I always thought about the people I met in fb. All that was on my mind was facebook. It was like, I gave importance to the people over internet instead of the person sitting right next to me. Being so dissolved into it. I got in a lot of troubles. I met wrong people, talked to them and took them too deep into my mind and stuff like that. It totally changed my mind and everything. I was always used to feel somewhat stressed and something like that and I didn’t know why. I even did few mistakes which didn’t even involve my real life. I still do feel hurt and regret over it. There are so many times I asked myself why did I even make a mistake of using facebook? My life was really smooth but everything began collapsing when I took those people on facebook so deeply. I stopped enjoying the things around, in the shorter way I stopped being what I was. Everything got changed.
I began blaming myself and one day I took a break and questioned myself what was the reason for all these and every reason pointed at facebook. Then, I made a firm decision. I was in pain and figured out why. The people on facebook made my life worse, yet taught me great lessons which I would never forget in my life. I decided to stop it all. I deactivated my fb account one month ago. I stopped thinking about the people on facebook. I told myself strictly that I would never ever gonna get back and if I get a chance I would surely delete the account itself. Now I feel so happy. I’ve become the person I used to be. I enjoy with the person sitting next to me. I’ve started all my good habits again. I observe people. I watch the animals and enjoy the way they behave. I read books. I go out. I’m really happy. I feel so proud of myself for leaving that social network and I proudly say that I’m no more into it. I realised that I’m not a worst person as the people over facebook told me. I haven’t done any single mistake I did in facebook. If there’s anything I feel proud about myself is I set myself free from something which kept on hurting and crushing me. I’m just telling my opinion and experience about facebook, if hurt anybody I’M SORRY!