Dear Anita,

Thank you. I will tell myself that every time I start to feel any bad feelings. In the end I didn’t give up. I tried until the very end. It’s been 2 days since I spoke to him and now that I replay the conversation in my head I realise he left the relationship a long time ago. It was like the person I spoke to wasn’t the man I loved. It’s like he is gone. The man I loved and wanted is gone. The man i spoke to wasn’t him. So in a way I am more glad now I called. I know it’ll be hard. I have a lot of work to do, but I will. I must. I can’t be defined by his choice to leave me. I can’t believe I am not worthy because HE thinks that. I must believe I deserve love. Deserve a good person. I must believe this.

I haven’t heard from him but I will not wait. I know he won’t come back. HE knows too. He just didn’t have the decency or courage to tell me right then on the phone, why I’ll never know.. he could’ve just told me then and there and not leave me wondering. I need to find my inner strength somehow.

Again, thanks Anita for your words, hard or not they help.

@anita, thank you. Though as hard as it is you’re right. I just see no end to this heartache. I keep wanting this painful feelings gone but the more I fight it the more they hang around. I have to let him go or I know I’ll be stuck feeling like this. Stop thinking about why he didn’t love me, why he didn’t stay, why I wasn’t enough… all the “why’s”… I don’t know how to stop beating up myself up and stop feeling that I lost him. I didn’t do enough to make him want to stay and love me.

@ramonejoseph, You’re situation is very similar aside from her contacting you. Mine has never done so and won’t. I don’t know what’s worse though.. as long as you’re happy with what you decide is the main thing I guess. I hope I get to that point where I can stop thinking and find peace with it all. I’m sorry I can’t offer any more to you. I’m so lost myself.

I’ve tried but the thoughts and me missing him and wishing I’d handled things better are consuming me. I just never ever thought he’d leave me, specially the way he did. I believed in him, in us and thought since we’d been through so much together that we’d get through anything.

He has gone and not looked back. Not a single call, text or attempt to contact me. Nothing. I find sometimes waking up thinking it’s all a nightmare and that he’ll come back. I just don’t know what to do. How does one let go of someone you loved so deeply and not be consumed by this pain which at most times is unbearable??

I am so broken inside.

Dear Anita,

It didn’t make me feel worse than I already do. The little I got when he left was it was my fault. He did this for “me” because I wasn’t happy by the way I spoke to him and that even though he cheated I should’ve moved on by now, so the fact that he had to let go “one of the warzones” it was always going to be me. I was never more important than his children and the ex he was so desperately trying to make peace with. She was relentless and yeah, it got to me because he allowed it all to happen. she was so disrespectful to him in front of his kids and he just let it happen because if he stood up to her she would call the police.

He was also unhappy at work. Was demoted and made to work days he shouldn’t have to. I told him to leave his job and find another as I worked and I would help support him until he found one (he was even offered a job by someone I knew) but he said he had been there so long it was stable and the money was easy. So that was another war zone which he wasn’t letting go of..

All in all it seems I was always going to come out the loser. Maybe why I questioned his love for me from time to time and towards the end I was very insecure. I keep getting told that hurting over someone who doesn’t love me and left me the way he did is not worth my tears or pain. All I believe is that I drove him away and the pain I am enduring is my doing for being so selfish and adding pressure to him when I should’ve just supported him… I am so lost and have no idea how to deal with this.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 12 months ago by Fazc.

As hard as it is to see it that way, yes you are probably right. Perhaps I should’ve seen it and I guess cutting me off his life was the easiest decision. I never expected or thought he would cut his children or the ex because of his kids. I was the easiest choice.

Hi Anita,

Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I did experience some improvements but this all began to feel worse and worse when I realised this person who claimed to love me and wanted to stay with me is gone when my last attempt to talk/fix things was shut down. Once that happened this pain hasn’t stopped. I guess I was holding onto hope he would realise his mistake. I think I still am and as days go by I get worse because it becomes more clear he isn’t coming back.

I do feel bad sometimes because I know people have endured so much more and yet this feel so overwhelming that I can’t see past it. I beat myself up for not being able to control my sadness, my fears and my wanting him to come back.

I wish he had been more honest since I don’t believe someone wakes up one day and realises they aren’t in love anymore or they don’t want you. He must’ve been feeling like this for a while and was just waiting for the opportunity. I just have so many questions to answers I will never get it seems.