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Anita, it is the same friend i am talking about
Hello thank you guys for your messages and support. I am so happy to see that there are people that want to help others in sticky situations. I hope you understand me turning to this forum instead of going to therapy or asking my friends because they are part of the problem and will only give me advice based on how they assume is the best solution. Both of my best friends are totally contradictory, and whenever i ask advice they will always say the opposite of each other because they are the female and male polar versions of each other. It has been very hard for me to get any help and i never knew exactly where to turn too with my questions because i have this spiritual background and i always feel everyone misunderstands because they don’t see it from my awakened perspective of reality. My dad is a capitalist with a very narrow view of the world and wont see past the illusion of this world. My mum is Russian, somewhat spiritual but she never acts on her own knowledge and is totally against gayness because of her Russian upbringing. I have good friends and most of them would understand if i told them that i was gay, even my father is very acceptive and i have heard him debate homosexuality with my mum many times so i know he would be on my side. But i still feel very sorry for my mum, i will brake her heart completely and disgust her to her very core if she found out. I just know it in beforehand just based on how she has spoken about the subject. The main concern for me is that my best friend will leave me because i have heard of him talking about homosexuality as somebody being very confused and totally on the wrong path, on the way to some hell-state of mind and that it might be an influenced by the devil part of us. I just want people not to think ”butsex” as the first thing that comes to their mind if would come out. And that is kinda how society is programmed to think gayness as. They see all the flamboyent parades and people being very feminine with died hair, and fucked up values. That is not me at all, i know that this sounds stereotypical to say but i am a very masculine gay guy and i blend in with straight people easily, they don’t even notice at all. Even the macho type guys i can handle without getting intimidated, but sometimes almost feel like a girl around those people for some reason. Sometimes i feel like i have a girls energy in the body of a guy, even though i have normal male traits. Almost as if i chose to come in the form of a guy into this world even though my soul is more feminine-polarized.
If you want to share more thoughts i would be very happy, everything helpes. Just talking to you guys about this makes me happier.
Thank you for the answer on both of my posts, this answer helped me alot. I am still very unsure how i should procceed and where to start
I will reply more in the other post i made