Five years since the last update! A lot has happened since then! 😱

It would take too long to go into all the details, so here’s a quick recap:

• My ex moved back to France five years ago. Initially, we tried to work on our relationship, but the pandemic made things challenging for both of us.
• She started working in France and has since established her own place, just 5 minutes from mine.
• We share custody of the kids—no formal paperwork, but we get along very well and agree on everything. The kids are free to stay with either of us depending on what they want.
• We occasionally go on short holidays together or have meals together as a family. We’re fully aligned when it comes to decisions about our kids’ upbringing.
• The boys seem to be adjusting well to the situation. There’s a lot of trust and mutual respect between us.

Overall, I feel like I’ve worked through the pain and grief. My ex met someone new, and I’m genuinely fine with it. Honestly, I’d rather see her happy here than feeling miserable and wanting to go back to Argentina.

As for me, I haven’t met anyone in the last five years, and I’m perfectly content with that. There just hasn’t been time for it. Whenever I do have time, I spend it with my kids—and I’m not looking for anyone to come in and disrupt that.

But here’s the thing—rather than feeling sorry for myself, I’ve started working on my dreams!

Ever since I was a child, and even as an adult, I’ve always wanted to run a free circus for underprivileged or troubled kids. That dream has never left me, and it’s always been a place I could escape to when I was feeling down.

But it always felt impossible because I was approaching the project from the wrong angle. I kept thinking, I’ll need a big tent, which is expensive… and a large truck to transport it… plus clowns and acrobats…

So I never started anything.

War broke out in Ukraine, the same day my ex moves out to her own place.

I was watching all those refugees, and I thought to myself: I feel like crap right now, and helping them might not make me feel any better, but at least I could offer some support. Just because my world feels like it’s over, doesn’t mean I can’t still make a difference.

I learned balloon sculpting on YouTube, and just three weeks later, I found myself outside the train station in Krakow, where all the little refugees were arriving. I was there, offering balloon sculptures to the children. By evening, I was at a food distribution center for refugees, doing what I could to help.

I spent to weeks there, with my kids helping me.

I didn’t feel any better about my ex leaving me, but I learned a priceless lesson. In life, we don’t need anyone’s permission to pursue our dreams or take action. The first time I stood outside the train station, I didn’t ask anyone for approval. And before long, I became well-known, with people amazed that everything had been my initiative.

After coming back to France I wanted to do something a little bigger, a magic show for kids!

With no experience in magic or performing, I reached out to several refugee centers in Poland, offering my services. It was a bit tricky because they all wanted photos or footage of my shows. So, I turned to YouTube again, learned some tricks, filmed a few videos in my backyard, and sent them over. In the end, I secured 25 shows in Poland—and I had only one month to prepare a kids’ magic show from scratch, with no prior knowledge.

My first show was on October 26th, 2022. A complete disaster on my part… but the kids loved it!

Since that day, I’ve traveled to Moldova, Romania, Poland, and Ukraine twice, and I just returned from Armenia. I’ve performed over 200 magic shows, bringing smiles and laughter to thousands of children. In Armenia alone, I completed 34 shows in 11 days, covering every Armenian province and traveling more than 4,000 kilometers.

I’ve made countless friends, met many kind-hearted people, traveled extensively, spent two weeks in an air-raid shelter, endured Russian shelling, felt the warmth of applause, and experienced moments of surprise and deep emotion.

I can say that I am more alive than most of the people around me. And it’s not easy because I have no support. I pay for all of my trips and take on my vocation. But it’s priceless.

The second lesson is that life becomes easier and sweeter when you let go—when you stop trying to make the world revolve around you and instead take a step back. I used to think that letting go meant suppressing my feelings so they wouldn’t overwhelm me. But now, for me, letting go is like being in the ocean: rather than desperately trying to reach the shore, it’s about floating, gazing at the horizon, and trusting that, eventually, you’ll reach safer ground.

For sure I haven’t got my circus… yet ! But I entertained more kids and grown up that I never dreamt for.

And the best part is, I’m now filled with new projects—a huge change. I’m no longer stuck in that endless, self-pitying cycle.

I’m glad I shared my story here because, whenever I was at my lowest, this forum was there to listen with empathy and without judgment.

“I hope my story can help anyone feeling low. I know that sometimes it feels like your world is shattering, but life is stronger, and so are we… believe it or not.

-“The best is yet to come!”

Love

Dear Anita,

Well, she is not a strong woman, not like she used to be. She used to work a full time-job, study at nurse school and raise her kids…

That how I like to remember her.

Now It looks like everyone decided for her, she just follow the move and then complain… That how she can in the same day tell her boyfriend she is coming back and then telling me she wanted to rent a flat…

God knows what is going on in her head…

For now I want to make things work, so does she…

My feelings about her? I miss her, but better said I miss being a real family with her and my kids. Maybe that’s why it’s so hard for me to let her go…

We still have great time together, no-one would guess we split more than a year ago…

About sharing the same bedroom? Nothing. It’s natural for us. I respect her choice and she knows it. I have access to her phone anytime but I never spied on her. At night I kiss her goodnight and nothing else. I would never do anything she doesn’t want to.

Is it hard for me? Yes… When she touches me accidentally I feel like electricity running down my spine…

But I need to keep focus… An act like I did this past year.

Freddo

My ex and kids stayed two more days alone at my parent’s house. The day I left, she changed her whattsapp profile picture ( her with our two boys) for a picture of her and new boyfriend.

But my mother has her as a contact, she saw the picture but doesn’t ‘beat around the bush’. She told her that it was not nice from her to expose that picture since she was staying at her place and that she likes her like a daughter.

My ex apologizes and changed the picture. They had an extended chat, sharing their point of view.

They came back today. She told me about the incident so it was a good oportunity to speak. Only chitchat since they arrived.

At first she told me that she realized that moving here was a big mistake for her.

Then I explained to her that I never pressured her, beg her or threantened her. That she took the decision on her own. 14000 kilometers from me.

That the point. Since we split, I managed to eep my calm always. I never spied on her or tried to ruin her new relationship. That what I told her. I like her so much that I was ready to let her go so she could be happy, even with another person.

I was hurt but for the sake of my kids and her I never behaved outrageously. I did create all her social accounts and have access to her phone but I never preyed or spied on her.

As well I explained to her that she jumped from a relationship to another directly. That she dind’t took time to grieve, that now she is experiencing the loss I went through more than a year before. I was upset, but never told her, when she started dating right away after we split. I guess that was her way to deal with the situation.

I, on the other hand, was not looking for another relationship right now. I wanted to concentrate on myself, my kids, my skills and wanted to become a better person.

Then she told me little about her new relationship, how great her new boyfriend behave with her, how much my kids like him…

I ensure her that wanting her and the kids to France was not  part of a big plan to have her split with her new boyfriend. Like a revenge of some sort. I told her that I knew what she was leaving behind and that I would never have asked to do so if I wasn’t sure that I was better for our kids future.

And it’s true.

Finally I asked her what she told her new boyfriend when she left. And you have to understand that she always had trouble confronting people. Maybe she is too nice, maybe too weak… For exemple she never really told me she was starting to date a person, even if we were still living under the same room, back in Argentina.. My older son told me first and it was painful to learn it from him. Not really nice to hear him saying ” last night, when you were working, a friend of mum came home to visit her”…

So that’s why I asked her what she told her new boyfriend before leaving because I know she is not the most straightforward person. She told him that she would go to France few months to see how things would turn out. Well in her language that means she didn’t tell him anything and that the guy is waiting for her to come back.

And I was right because she admitted that he wrote to her about having to move to a new house, and that he wanted to rent a bigger place for when she will come back, alone, or with the kids. And that he was asking and asking again the date of her return.

I gently explained to her that it was a way for him to pressure her, she agreed. And told me that she will ask him to look for house for himself alone and that ,if she comes back, they will look for something bigger.

Maybe little by little she will get tired of him being needy and pressuring her… But for now I don’t put him down. I don’t want to become the villain, their common enemy.

So for now I wait and see, on monday my kids will start school in France. I am sure they will love it, and she will realize what’s better for them.

Nearly one year since my first post. I was still in Argentina, dazed and confuzed.

One year later I learned how to ride a motorcycle, a car, I learned intermediate Chinese, made new friends, learned a new job, became less sellfish, learned how to seized the moment, become a better person, a more loving father and France won another World Cup.

But the best part is that I haven’t turned into an hopeless and bitter person.

And  I want to thank all of you, especially Anita, for it.

My kids and ex arrived one week ago. We has very good quality time together, like a  “family”. We talked a lot, but nothing about what happend and the future. Maybe because I am too scared to face the truth… maybe because I dind’t want to ruin anything.

Tomorrow they are leaving for a week to my parents place by the sea. I can’t go because of work.

When will have to talk when they come back she told me…

I kno she is confused, she brought all her stuff and our kids. But she is not really clear if she will stay here or go back to Argentina …

She want to see if the boys are doing fine at school here…

I know her new boy-friend is texting her everyday… Damn phones….

Well, lately we communicate a little more. She went from ” I am staying in Argentina with the kids” to “come pick up the kids and bring them to France with you”.

So things are definitely better. We agreed that I would go to Argentina in august so they can start school in France in September.

She told me that she will stay alone and figure out what to do later. For now I know that she plans to move to a bigger place with her new boyfriend.

I try to keep everything as peacefully as I can. We are really getting along better. So I don’t want to spoil everything.

First things first, I want my boys to be here with me. Then maybe she will see everything differently.

It may sounds suicidal but I haven’t lost my hopes to have my family back. Time will tell. I am a little scared of the impact for my kids to have their mum away.

I know it’s not like she is choosing her boyfriend over her kids but it’s weird for me. I try not to judge her but still… I won’t tell her anything anyway. Maybe her way to show them her love is to let them go for a better life…

Thanks for your support 🙂

Yes. It’s a nightmare .

My kids are so happy about moving to France.  My whole family organized themselves for us to move.

I have a decent job. My kids are allready enlisted in school here.

I was focused on here. Last time I went to Argentina I stayed just 3 days to drop the kids.

Even if I’ve met my friends and had good time, it was clear to me that that was past.

That I would never come back again and that my future wasn’t there.

I can’t go back.  My time is done down there.

Good experience.  I loved it but that’s it.

But frankly I can’t live without my kids either.

I m stuck.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 7 months ago by freddo.

Thanks for answering. You are so right all the times 🙂  I should not forget the past but learn from it. I totally agree with you.

She is moving from Argentina because we always knew we would live in France at some point. She has been there a lot of times and she really loves my family and friends as much as they love her. And she knows that is better here for the sake of the kids. Argentina is also a tough country where it’s hard to make a good living and plans for the future.

I am actually glad she decided to move here with the kids because overall we will have a better life. No doubts. But you can’t make someone to love you. She is coming over for the kids and only for the kids, and we will have to live together for a while. Not like husband and wife. More like friends maybe.  But if she accepted to leave everything behind maybe an idea of reconciliation is not that impossible for her.

I am just scared that we will still be angry at each other and that she regret her choice. I know I have to do everything for her not to regret but still…. And as well I know our relationship will never be the same. I don’t know if you ever recover from a separation. Especially if she was involved with someone else emotionally.

Well time will tell I guess. For now I’ve stopped complaining about everything and I realized that life was on my side. Who knows, maybe from all this mess a great life together is waiting for us. Or maybe we will realize we have nothing in common but stay close friends?

Who knows….

Thanks for your help all of you. God bless you

Well a month has passed since I last wrote.  My ex wife just flew back to Argentina.  Actually she is still in the plane. She dropped my two sons and spent a week with me and my family.

It was odd. Really strange to see her again. I was really nervous but surprisingly everything’s turned ok.  We were really happy to see each other. After two days of chat we finally had a real discussion on our own. We were both nervous. I didn’t know what to expect. She told me that the best course our kids was her coming to live in France with them.

Well I couldn’t believe it. Took me by surprise. I tried not to look to ecstatic. I just told her that since we broke up I always respected her decisions.

Man. That’s the new me. Before I would have but her, kiss her and get drunk but the new me had a more mature reaction. And that’s what made the difference.

I just know that in February I send the boys back to Argentina for few month, that I keep working in France meanwhile and that in Agust the three of them come to settle with me. As a couple ? I don’t know. But what I know is that my job is not done yet.  I still have millions things to do before I am ready to jump into a new relationship with her or someone else.

The truth is that after a break up the ONLY  thing one can do is to let go…. don’t misunderstand me. I am not talking about loosing hope and faith in your ex. I’m just saying that one should concentrate on the things he can manage.

My ex was/is seeing someone (I haven’t asked her) and I didn’t try to ruin their relationship.  .didn’t before either to think twice about her decision. I just let go. Easier said that done. I ‘ve cried a lot. Hated her a lot. Hoped a lot. Lost hope a lot.

But I never told her. On the outside I was doing great. I found a nice job with a suit, exercised and never sound desesperate. I was in control on the outside even if inside I was torn to death.

And now she saw me and saw someone else. Someone who has plans for the future. A confident man.  I still have works to do on this man. Because maybe one day I will have another shot and I can’t miss next time.

She and my kids deserve the man I am becoming. It’s a daily struggle.  I can’t down guard. One step at a time. Now she is moving to France. Something impossible two months ago…. so who knows what the future has for us?

Hope my experience will help people to overcome their hardship.

I haven’t my family back yet but I am working on it.

Love.