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Hey 1815gonegirl! 🙂
Thank you for sharing, I think sharing on this site is a great step for you, because I think practicing opening up and not worrying so much about what other people think of you, is a great step forward in building your confidence. Fact: there is not a soul on this planet, regardless of how beautiful, or intelligent, or successful, that has not experienced some form of self-doubt, or insecurity in their lives. The only difference, among us, is how we approach these feelings about ourselves. The fact that you are on the path to recognizing that you want to live feeling more positive about yourself is a great step, and shows a lot about the person that you really are.
Myself, through my teens and early 20s, was very insecure, and very unwilling to let men in, because was so afraid of being judged, or called out on my insecurities. But when i realized that everyone in their lifetime has had some form of experience with feeling insecure-is when my outlook changed to see and believe, that we are ALL on the same equal footing, and that someone is not better than me because, in my head, i just don’t equate to other people. It works the same way, when you are not only able to see this within yourself, but among other people-that we can carry the empathy for other people, that we all share this common ground, and that we can become greater people by stopping comparisons between ourselves and other people. It is so easy to get caught up in doubting our self worth, when we equate it with our success in the dating world, or friendship world, or any world.
Gaining confidence, in my own life, has not been an overnight process. It has been a process of self love. It doesn;t mean you need to turn into an arrogant person, or person that think they are better than other people-that’s not what i mean. If anything, I think going through this experience, will make you an even more approachable and real person. Real people all over the world feel the same insecurities you do. What i am sensing from you, is that your anxieties of opening up to the world, is that the world will unveil you as being insecure, and unworthy. We are so hard on our souls. We could never be so hard on other people. Before you seek the love and acceptance you desire from other people, who need to desire it for yourself, and believe it.
Please watch this video, and be sure to watch the end portion featuring the amazing Natalie Paterson, among many of her poems that she shares on youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ybvzMXO65Vk
All the best to you!
Thanks to both of you for sharing. I have also dealt with anxiety for many years-and i think that seeing your counsellor is a great step forward already. I have always wished that i could just let certain things slide, and be a relaxed and person who can just enjoy life. Exercise, music, and dancing (sometimes by myself 😉 really tends to help me when i’m feeling anxious or stressed, or disconnected. But I would say one of the most important things I have found helpful, is finding my passions in life-and just going after them.
Have you considered volunteering, or working for a cause that you feel really passionate about? Helping other people, or being a part of a group of people either working towards a goal, or just learning something new that you may be interested in? I know motivation can be a tricky thing to overcome with anxiety/depression-i completely understand. But I feel like recognizing my passions in life, has really helped me give focus to the outside world, i find that my anxiety tends to keep me in my own mind and space, , and has helped me to reconnect with other people. Start out small with something you feel comfortable with, and allow yourself to take your time and be patient with yourself. Thank you, to the commentor above, for talking about personal acceptance-it is truly so important.The books and blogs and such can be really great tools too, check out “The Tao of Pooh” byBen Hoff. But getting out there, and finding your passions, whatever they are will along the way help with the motivation.
All the best to you 🙂
Have you communicated this to your partner/How do you feel about communicating this to your partner? I think we all deserve to be in relationships with people that bring us up, not down. I’ve had a similar past experience. The only actions you can control are your own, and it may be the case that this person does not realize the effect their negativity is having on you-which may be why you are conflicted about staying or leaving. Communicating this doesn’t have to be about a blame game. Communication is a vital tool in ANY type of healthy relationship, and your emotions and feelings are both valid and important.
Crushes can be funny things, this has actually reminded me of past experiences I have had with crushes myself. Here are some of my thoughts…
What i think tends to happen in crush mode, is that we start to envision our lives with people, and create big expectations in our heads. Sometimes without really getting to know the other person (I get it, it’s part of what makes having a crush fun!) But I think this goes even further, when one person shows more interest than the other because we tend to go even further out of our way to prove ourselves. And you’re right, sometimes when a person doesn’t show interest, we tend to go even more out of our way to prove ourselves-even if we are unsure about them. I totally get it. It’s because we all want to feel that acceptance that we are good enough, regardless of how strong or confident we are.
If you are still stuck on how to approach the situation, because of mixed messages, and unsure feelings…then I would encourage shifting the focus. By focusing less on how he feels about you/what he thinks about you, and give more focus to how he makes you feel about yourself…
Instead of asking, what does this person think of me, am I not good enough, why isn’t he talking to me/opening up to me etc. Start asking, How does this person make me feel, about myself? Do i feel that i need to prove myself, or change something about myself, in order to make him talk to me? Or does he make me feel like I can be open, and just be myself. If there is more focus on what he thinks of you, instead of how he makes you feel about yourself, then it’s just not going to work out. If someone has you circling in self-doubt (which may be completely unintentional…. going back to @Inky ‘s first two points) then it is important to take a step back, and really look at how this person makes you feel about YOU. The start of ANY type of relationship should not begin with one person or another, wanting to change things about the other person, and the only thing we should really set a high expectation for, is for respect.
I am also not a sold believer, on the man being the one who pursues. Positive relationships of EVERY kind require communication, and the start of a crush, can be a tricky place to try and open up about yourself, and how you feel about him (although as you mentioned, you’re still learning about him, and how you feel about him). Becoming friends with this person first, will help you to learn more about one another… and may relieve some of the frustration and pressure you might be feeling.. With this being said, don’t depend on this other person to make up your mind for you. You need to decide how you feel about him, and how he makes you feel 🙂
hese factors in figuring out how you really feel about this person-beyond expectations. This person could be a great person, but just may not be the person for you. And that’s okay-because there is someone out there who is 🙂 In the meantime, just be yourself
I hope this helps, good luck! 🙂