He is turning 38 in sept as well. He is very smart and quite spiritual himself. He is a hard worker but seems to live moment to moment (check to check) which worries me as well. Don’t get me wrong, Im not assuming a man should take care of me while i stay home – I work my butt off and pay for everything if not 50/50 with everything when we go out. Im very dutch (lucky for him huh?!)

But yes exactly, I do want it to come from him and be genuine without me having to say this or feel like im threatening him. Oh, another thing I have to mention, hes been married before. He wed in his 20s to a girl from another country and moved there to be with this girl. I don’t think that the failed marriage affects his outlook on marriage, but since he has had many relationships since so I dont know. Maybe Im wrong. Regarding the roomate, I dont know if they have talks what I said or how I feel. They’ve been friends for years so it could be possible.

I like your ideas! its like putting a bug in his ear and putting it in his court to make action or else if I want to break it off then he will know why. I win because I expressed how I felt and can walk away knowing that and if he doesn’t want that then, hey we’re not the right fit. We briefly spoke during the day today and still it was so hard for him to discuss things! Hes just doesnt want to deal with it.

TR, Inky and Jasmine – I had a horrible restless night last night and to wake up to all of your replies helped me so much today I cant even tell you. Thank you truly! i’ll share what this dream of mine is – its the want of family and marriage. I haven’t been the type of girl that envisions marriage and a team of children since childhood, in fact I didn’t even really want kids in my last relationships which was throughout my 20s. However, now that Im approaching 35 in sept, its been heavy my mind more and more. Call it the womans internal clock ticking well, perhaps but whats really having me come to terms with the idea of letting that dream go is the realization my current relationship has me in. I go though periods where I feel he distances himself, and The Ruminant, here is where I am taking your advice by speaking up and taking my power back 🙂 I am and will do this, promise you. Its hard too, as my guy is being insensitive lately. It was quite evident last night. He’ll ignore and act like nothings happened as if Im not even worth the time and effort, He didn’t use to act like this. I’m going to really put it all on the table when I get a chance and ask him if he wants to go our separate ways – perhaps that is his tactic, to push me away for me to say that. Its been bothering me which is why I brought up this question. In my mind I feel if this were to end then itll be some time before the next (I know myself, it is difficult for me to find yet fall in love again). I know Im projecting into the future but this is how I feel. Its been overwhelming lately making it hard for me to focus and perform at work. And yes, this is something deep down I don’t want to give up. I don’t know what to think, how to act, or how to not act anymore.

The Ruminant and Inky – thanks for the stories! Glad you had a breakthrough Inky, and it did indeed resonate with me. Its so true though… why are we the ones that ended up feleing bad / guilty etc for setting or expecting boundaries for crazy situations?! And yes, I understand your situ where you had to appear occupied or say your busy for that crazy friend. You were dealing with “crazy” so i wouldve done that too!
Re: the cooking for him, i know its an awkward siutuation and I’m understanding the the jealouy is coming from the thought of them playing this married couple as Emmanuele said. I spent the weekend at his house (reason for the late reply to this thread) and he’s been mentioning that its been hard for her to find a place. I have heard her complain about having bad credit thus causing her to miss out on all these places she applys for and he’s not charging her but instead having her buy groceries and toiletries because her ex took the deposit from their last place and she doesnt have money saved up yadda yadda. Oh and to question regarding why she doesnt stay at a girlfriends house? Beats me! She’s stayed with him years ago (another time looking for a place) for 3 months! She has many female cousins so Im not sure why she doesn’t go there. This past weekend though, she stayed at one of her cousins house the entire weekend. He said hes been asking hows the place hunting more often so she prob wanted to give him space. He seems kind of concerned why she was away though by texting and checking on her. Perhaps overly concerned or maybe jsut worried? idk.. i just noticed that over the past couple of days.
Big Blue, i will take take your advice and ask all the whys, whens and hows moving forth. I can see where your getting at 🙂 I tend to bottle my emotions ( that was so spot on The Ruminant) I have a habit of analyzing the situation first before anything is said when I should jsut speak more from the heart and what im feeling. Im witness what i do and I work more on myself everyday. I’m starting to get tired of this heaviness on me and ‘ve decided to focus on me and my spiritual growth. Im going to try to just trust and let thing fall as they may and hope I find out what I need to know and/or do in the days to come. Thats all I feel i can do at this point.

@Emmanuelle Thanks for the reply and agreement. I guess im second guessing myself because he’s making me feel like I’m overreacting even though he didnt say – its his behavior. He’s been kinda quiet and distant which makes me return that towards him. I did ask him if it was my male friend staying with me and he said he would feel the same, but I feel he is just saying that. His apology didn’t feel sincere, more like an ear for me to vent. I guess I can see this as something I really need to take a second look at now because if he is acting this way then how will he deal with future situations you know? : |

Thanks Crystal for your reply. I had an uneasy night full of anxiousness so reading your post this am made me feel better and got me really thinking today. We spoke briefly last night and I let him know that I’m feeling unappreciated and I’m not happy where we are at right now. I was calm and collected. I dont know what got into to me to speak up, I actually wanted to wait but it just came out. I basically said I’m feeling unsure how things are between us and that I’m feeling unappreciative and all I want to do is make him happy and if hes not happy or unable to communicate with me then why and how can we stay together? He was responsive and reassured me that wasn’t his intentions but I still feel he was just being an ear for me to vent and just being nice to avoid conflict. I just don’t feel he was sincere. Even after the conversation, which is still left open cause it was quite late, he hasn’t made an effort to reach out even through a simple text today. Wouldnt one do that if the other person cares about the others feelings being left hurt? Its pains me yet I’m trying to see him for what he is and how hes acting. I meditated as usual today but found it difficult to just “be”. I feel so hurt, confused, and anxious I don’t know how to deal with it all at the moment. If he continues to neglect this situation how do I bring this up again? And to answer your question, yes I love this man and want a future. Its not being in love that im in love with. Ive been happy and content single and I know I can do that again, it just takes time. Truthfully, what would cause him to act this way? Was I blind to see that he truly loved me? I felt he did yet now Im confused with all of this going on…