Hi Jane,
The situation is not as complex as you are imagining it to be. He likes to be a “free bird” then let him be. If you believe in his luv towards you then dont let these feelings or anxities ruin your relationship. However if his attitude turns to take the shape of neglect towards u and ur feelings, it would’nt be healthy for ur relationship. If u are cent percent sure that your love towards him and his towards u is true then give him some time. Dont charge on him with all sorts of questions. Be patient…if your luv is true then let him be the free bird he is, and if his luv is true then that bird will surely return to u. You can gently ask him his opinion about having a family and get your answer. Be calm and dont let your anxities talk on behalf of you. Are u in luv with ur bf or are u in luv with the feeling of being in luv? This is a question only u can answer…. I believe that when u have the answer to this, u will have the solution to your anxity.

Warm Rgds,
Crystal

The choice is yours in the end, only you know what kind of sacrifices you are willing to make for a person.

Maybe my situation will give you a different perspective. I’m 33 and I had been dating my BF for 3 years when I brought up marriage and settling down. He agreed that he thought we were a good match and that it would happen “one day”. Maybe in 2 or 3 more years.

I wasn’t happy with waiting a that much longer, but I thought for him, it was worth it to wait. So I did. And for 6 months I became more and more neurotic and miserable, trying my best to hide it from myself and the world. I’d bring it up again with my BF while in tears and he’d tell me not to cry, and that everything would happen in good time.

It just so happened that after 6 months, my BF proposed to me. He had asked both sets of parents and been busy engagement ring shopping the whole time, saying “maybe one day” to me as a way to throw me off the scene of his surprise proposal.

It was only AFTER we were engaged that I could fully appreciate the dark cloud of disappointment that had clouded everything while I had been waiting for him to agree to settle down. I absolutely hated being strung along like that. (fellas, if you are reading this, please take note!) I am so much happier now.

This isn’t to say don’t wait for him! I waited, and my BF delivered, but it’s no fun living in that in-between world.

Jane,
I suggest a third option: have an open and direct conversation with him. It was a good first step to let him know you are feeling unappreciated and unhappy with the status of your relationship, but unless you’re leaving something out in your posting, it seems terribly vague. Feeling unappreciated could mean a multitude of things from “you never thank me when I pack your lunch” or “you don’t tell me you love me”, for example. I think in order for you to make any well-informed decision about your relationship, you will need to ask him where he sees things going. Does he want to get married again? Does he want kids? Don’t assume he wants to be a “free bird” until you hear it directly from him. Now, if he’s told you that he never wants to get married or have kids, you have to take him at his word and act accordingly. But don’t do anything rash based on a “hunch”, even if your gut tells you something. You owe it to him and your relationship to at least have a serious conversation before arriving at a decision. For what it’s worth, I don’t think a year and a half into a relationship is “fast track” in terms of having these types of conversations.

I am a bit concerned that you didn’t feel he was being genuine when he listened to your concerns. Do you have personal experience with him that makes you feel that way, or is it perhaps a result of your insecurities that you’ve described within the relationship? A healthy relationship involves a lot of open communication. You might think he should just “know” to text you the next day. Perhaps many people in his position would have. But he didn’t, and there’s nothing wrong with you telling him how that made you feel. If you want to marry this man, you should probably start feeling more comfortable having difficult conversations. I believe it will only serve to bring you closer together. If you can’t share your feelings with your partner, what kind of relationship is that?