Hi Jana

You are very welcome! ❤️

Oh yes, I write a lot, not just here. 😊

Ah yes, I used to see things that way too.

I guess, my thoughts are that outside of thought a lot goes on in the subconscious. For example, when I feel anxious, I noticed that if I take a specific kind of medication which all it does is remove the physical sensations of anxiety, my anxiety is significantly reduced. I’m usually thinking about the thing that I perceive as anxiety inducing, not the physical sensations in my body. But to my subconscious the sensations of anxiety are scary and as a result it heightens my anxiety. It isn’t something that I ever recognised consciously or thought about. But it was something I noticed when I tried my hat medication. The other thing that I noticed was the low grade anxiety that I lived with and didn’t notice before. I don’t know if that makes sense at all?

Haha my childhood was scary. I guess it reflects the times. 😂

We are all well thank you! He is teething and has just started walking. That was just a mild illness, nothing serious. Thank you for your concern though. I will be studying and there will be socialising too. Our son needs to show off his walking to everyone. 😉

How are you doing? Are you feeling any better? Are your batteries slowly recharging? Do you have any plans?

Love, peace and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Bella

I understand that digging into these things can get overwhelming especially when you have a busy life to live.

I think that regarding altering behavioural difficulties. It doesn’t necessarily mean digging through past trauma. The fundamentals are fortunately pretty simple.

Give yourself some self-compassion. Acknowledge that you learned these habits from somewhere.

The truth is that habits are not a part of you and shouldn’t be identified as such. Think of it like smoking or drinking. It is simply something to stop doing. The second you stop doing it, it is over.

Emotional regulation techniques are really important because it is necessary to deal with the feelings you are experiencing in a healthy way. What do you tend to do to regulate your emotions?

What does it make you feel when your partner doesn’t do tasks at home or doesn’t take responsibility for the shared space?

Have you tried politely reminding them to do the task? How do they respond to that? For example, “Would you mind taking out the trash?”

I feel like it is quite difficult living with people who have different standards of cleanliness. There are ultimately only two solutions. Part ways or accept the behaviour. No matter how much you yell, they aren’t going to change. This means just noting, that when you see something hasn’t been done noting, that their standards are different to yours. They aren’t bothered by it, but you are and if it bothers you it is something that you are willing to change for yourself. It is 100% not a personal attack on you. You can absolutely validate yourself that it is difficult living with someone who doesn’t have the same standards. Objectively, you are handling a disproportionate amount of work. It is unfair. But by being upset by the chores not being done, you are suffering. And the resulting arguments cause you to suffer too. In the interest of having a peaceful life for yourself, this is the best way to handle it if your partner doesn’t respond to polite reminders. The only alternative is to separate.

I’m sorry that your partner is saying such horrible things about you. They are not an innocent snowflake themselves it sounds like. Even if someone does something that upsets someone else, it is still not appropriate to respond with abuse. You don’t deserve it. Your partner doesn’t deserve it.

I can see that you empathise with your partner’s difficulties and blame yourself. Blame is very counterproductive. It functions only to make yourself feel bad. You want to be a better person, great you can do that without blaming yourself.

You didn’t choose your childhood trauma. As a young adult you are still learning how to overcome the conditioning you learned in childhood.

How are things with your partner outside of these difficulties? How frequent are the difficulties? How long have you been together? Please feel free to not answer any questions you wish. I’m just seeking a bit of context about your relationship.

The final step essentially involves thinking about how much you care about the person and don’t want to hurt them. Acknowledging that the behaviour does hurt them and committing to stopping. Apologising for any mistakes made is essential.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

And for your personal reply to me. I could not agree more. Please don’t worry, you are free to share anything at all. 😊

I am still to try this exercise that you recommended. I will though for sure and once again, report back.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, journal entries and the interesting quotes!

Love, peace and forgiveness! ❤️🙏

Hi Peter

Oooh lots of fun things to comment on today.

I’m probably going to have to break it up into chunks to keep my place.

I don’t really differentiate between joy and happiness personally. The quote would suggest character is a component. But I don’t think it is a character flaw per se. In my mind, it is just a matter of attention.

Happiness is always there to comfort us, even when we don’t notice and even deny its existence. It is like a mother that some of us never had, taking care of us as we chase and cling to it, yet swear it doesn’t love us. It is true that character development can allow us to notice happiness even in the bleakest moments. But what struck me, when I had my first experience of this was that happiness was there all along.

I remember sitting on a park bench watching the sunset as I often did. But instead of being depressed per usual, I just sat there and went wow that is beautiful and truly enjoyed the experience.

Thank you for the example of a non-labelling journal entry Anita!

I guess it just means taking the emotional intensity away? To me, as an ex-language teacher all of language is labelling. Every single word has unique definitions.

I read something about Buddha nature and it suggested that Buddha nature was to approach things with an open mind, curious, with compassion and non-judgmental. It seems to me that this is suited to a ‘non-labelling’ writing style.

Love, peace and best wishes to all! ❤️🙏