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HelcatParticipantTo spoil the secret of the blank white canvas would ruin the wonder and joy a child would experience.
HelcatParticipantHi Peter
I have almost died on more than one occasion. Once I wasn’t afaid, once I was. The second time I was afraid because it was slow and painful. I couldn’t walk or stand. The pain was indescribable and at the same time I wanted to die even though I was afraid because I wanted to put an end to the suffering. I was afraid because there were people I loved and things that I still wanted to experience. Even though I was slowly dying, I was happy because I had a life worth living for.
The first time, I wasn’t afraid. I was happy and it happened quickly and painlessly. I thought this isn’t so bad. I could die without any regrets and not needing anything else from life. If I stayed or went it didn’t matter.
I guess the older I got, the greedier I got. I wanted to experience, to love, to achieve. I guess you could call this identity. Or a future. An identity not yet formed. I wanted to enjoy the journey I was on with my partner, to become and build a future. I had goals.
I have achieved those goals. I became who I wanted to be and now I have new goals, new wanting to become. A new future. The difference now is that I don’t want these things as fiercely. The people to protect and love are the most important now.
A blank piece of paper was what God looked like to me as a child and rays of light beaming down from the sky, heaven. It is a beautiful thing to find joy in a canvas and awe in the light. We can lose sight of that sense of wonder as adults.
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Mr A
With a BMI of 33 your wife’s health is at risk with a pregnancy. To keep trying would put her life in danger. Hypothetically, possible but dangerous for both her and any potential child.
Issues with weight are often tied to difficulties with sleep and overworking. What are you to do if you are tired and running out of energy? There is a biological trigger to eat in these cases. Working on sleep and reducing the amount of work can be helpful. Having it all isn’t really a thing, something has got to give.
It is very depressing to keep trying for a child and failing. As others have pointed out emotional eating is a thing.
Again having it all isn’t a thing. This is karma. You don’t get to decide the hand that you are dealt in life.
Have compassion for the difficulties that your wife is going through. Have compassion for your own difficulties and realise that this is karma. Neither of your fault. If you want to get through the suffering together, just be there for each other, if the situation is too painful leave.
It should be said that everyone has difficulties in life. If it not one thing it will be another. Fighting to have no difficulties is pointless. Life always involves some kind of suffering.
Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantClosure of this issue can be found by focusing on their pain, not your own. That is why you have received this feedback. It is not an attempt to attack you. It is an attempt to help you find the closure you seek. Once you have done that, you have learned the lesson and it is easy to let go of.
Anita was kind to you and didn’t try to attack you. I’m sorry that you don’t see it that way and you find your own pain too difficult to look through. Even though you can’t say the words. Perhaps in this pain you experience you can feel it?
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
Part of apologising is being genuinely sorry for your actions. You don’t even see your actions as wrong.
HelcatParticipantFor clarity, that you are serious about a relationship with someone when you are still married is part of the problem. You should not be mentally shopping for a new wife.
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
Tommy is not wrong. You may be having difficulties in your marriage but in this situation, the lying and the cheating you are the one at fault. No one forced you to do that, you chose to do that intentionally knowing that it would be hurtful. You manipulated Muns by intentionally misrepresenting your situation so a relationship could even occur knowing that you would have been rejected otherwise.
You don’t really seem to care that you have hurt people. Only complaining about your own pain.
This is not kindness. Perhaps you are usually kind. But for whatever reason in this situation you are not being kind. Only you know the reason for this. You have been considering only yourself and if you had not been caught out you would have continued to do so.
To think that you are the good guy in this situation is misguided. Guilt can be a good thing when you have hurt someone, it helps you to learn from your behaviour. Lying to yourself only prevents you from growing past this situation.
HelcatParticipant❤️❤️❤️
HelcatParticipantSome additional thoughts. In my practices it is not a sin to be angry on behalf of someone else. However, it is a sin to be angry towards yourself. So in this case not treating yourself with compassion would be the issue here.
❤️🙏
HelcatParticipant* Perhaps your compassion lay with the man’s wife and the woman he wronged.
HelcatParticipantHi Tommy
I don’t think you were wrong. That post made me angry. I don’t think that we are better people. You only said what I was thinking. There is more than one way to skin a cat. You told him directly the problem. I was waiting to see if he could figure out his own behaviour himself. Which way is more compassionate? Perhaps the indirect way would not get through to someone so self absorbed?
The only hope I have is that he is behaving in this way because he is in a lot of pain. It is sad when you have to hope for this to be the reason for someone’s poor behaviour. Or perhaps he had a painful life that taught him to behave like this? I do not know.
The other day I was direct with a young woman because dating is tough these days and she will need to learn quickly.
Perhaps your compassion with this man lays with his wife? I do think that you showed him empathy when you said that you know how difficult marriage is and what it is to come last in the relationship.
If you still feel that you have to leave I wish you good luck in your meditations and hope to see you again soon. 😊
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
How did your wife react to your confession? Did she react how you thought she would or differently?
You haven’t known Muns for very long and you are rushing into a relationship very quickly because of the upcoming divorce. These feelings can pass if you let them.
How are you feeling about the argument, the looming divorce and the marriage counselling? It cannot be easy for you right now. Everything has happened so quickly, you haven’t really had a chance to process how you feel.
HelcatParticipantHi Abde
I would consider how you value your own feelings vs someone else’s. A mean comment during an argument is enough for you to want to divorce. Whereas you lie to a woman you are courting while you are still undergoing marriage counselling with your wife about your circumstances and you minimize her feelings, blame her for being upset at you and suggest that she should get over it and take you back.
Does your wife even know that you are dating? Or are you lying to her too?
Love means respecting your partner. You have been disrespectful on so many levels.
I would suggest that you swallow your pride and treat your wife with respect by not dating in the 2 months it will take you to get permission for a divorce. Forget about the woman you lied to. Learn from your mistakes and vow to treat people with the respect they deserve.
Wishing you all the best! ❤️🙏
HelcatParticipantOn the subject of modern dating practices, people often try out relationships before going official. If they don’t directly ask it isn’t official. Quite often people will ask for you to be exclusive while trying things out. So you mistakenly saw things as official because he suggested it may head that way in the future.
What is the difference between official and not? Honestly, not much. A relationship is a relationship is a relationship. Not being official means that they are not interested in the bare minimum level of commitment. Dating sucks and being new to relationships you were taken advantage of. A half decent person would have gone official first before taking your virginity. So you aren’t missing much as he doesn’t have common decency.
Please do more do protect yourself in the future. You deserve better than someone who isn’t willing to make a minimal level of commitment.
HelcatParticipantHi Raising Again
It sounds like you’re being very hard on yourself. You have just started this part time role after a long break. You are still getting used to it. Please give yourself some time! Things do get easier with practice. Just do your best to learn the ropes and things will improve over time.
It is natural for anyone to feel anxiety going into a new position. Even more so after a long break. Accept the anxiety for the situation as it is and do not blame yourself. If you find yourself getting anxious, blaming yourself or comparing yourself to others take a short break. Get a cup of tea, go to the bathroom, breathe.
It’s a really big step going back into the workplace. Well done! You should be very proud.
Please give yourself a chance to grow and see how you feel in 6 months to a year. See if you think things are a good fit for you then?
Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 