Hi Palegazesunnidays

I’m sorry to hear that you’ve had so much trauma in your life. Have you ever seen a therapist about this?

I noticed at least one pattern in your dating life. When you experience difficulties you seek out a partner. You’ve done this on at least 2 occasions once after your divorce and now with A as you are dealing with a lot of stress at home. You said that it is difficult for you to say no to people when you are already struggling. This means that you might struggle with maintaining healthy boundaries and making good decisions in regards to dating at this time.

I’m curious what initially attracted you to individuals in your dating life and any reasons why you decided to break up.

For individuals with trauma, there is a unique situation which often occurs during dating. Essentially, it causes an attraction to individuals with characteristics that have the potential to cause further trauma. This might be something as simple as selecting a partner that is unable to meet your needs. This attraction is instinctive. It’s not a conscious decision, but it can be overcome with therapy.

It sounds like you grew up in a dysfunctional household with parents that both struggled. It sounds like you and your brother in some ways had to fend for yourselves. Is this an accurate assessment of the situation? It sounds like your brother gave up, but you found your own way to survive. I mean no disrespect to your parents, it is difficult to raise a family.

Hi Eric

My mistake! I hope that you stay busy during this period to take your mind off it. Please stay on the look out for an element that you might enjoy. I hope you get some delicious food and have an opportunity to spend time with your partner. I’m interested to hear how it goes when she meets your parents.

Hi Rob

The Buddhist perspective is interesting. I’m not sure if you’ve come across it in your studies.

During the process of death and rebirth there is an opportunity to choose which realm you are born into. There are 6 realms, yet only the human realm provides the opportunity for enlightenment and to end the cycle of rebirth. I remember a story about a Buddha that was able to predict how many rebirths it would take individuals to attain this.

I like the idea that we are all here to learn.

Wishing you all the best 🙏

Hi Palesunnidays

It’s good that one less thing is off your plate, but you are still handling a lot. I’m glad that you’re finding an exercise routine helpful.

It might help you to practice setting boundaries and saying no. You are a helpful kind person. But you deserve to be happy. If you say no sometimes, you will still be helpful and kind. You will just be taking care of yourself as well as others and be happier as a result.

I’m sorry to hear that you had a lonely Christmas. No wonder you sought comfort. I can understand having emotions come up after sleeping with someone. It certainly doesn’t help that the temporary relationship seems unbalanced. Everything shouldn’t be on his terms. You are an extremely busy lady and need advanced notice. I wouldn’t be happy with the lack of communication since either. It’s rude.

You could probably find a new partner easily if you wanted to. I’m curious how dating has been going since your divorce? Do you find that you have been stuck in the friends with benefits / casual temporary relationship category with men?

Hi Palegazesunnidays

I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with your father’s breakdown. It sounds like you yhandling (pardon my French) a hell of a lot at the moment. You’re supporting your mom, dad brother, your children as well as your friend’s daughter. Perhaps you should plan how to scale back some of your responsibilities? If at all possible?

You have to put on your own oxygen mask before you can help others. It sounds like you might be feeling overwhelmed with everything. Do you think that’s accurate? Do you have difficulty saying no to people and find it hard to press your own needs?

Regarding A. You’re an adult and it’s 2023. I don’t think anyone needs to feel guilty about these things. You deserve some human contact and comfort with everything you are dealing with right now. You might want to have a conversation with A about any boundaries you would like in this temporary relationship. I think it’s okay if you want to enjoy this situation, but only if you do find yourself enjoying it. If you don’t, it might be time to discuss that too.

Hi Eric

Happy new year!

I suggested preparing something special for your girlfriend. Action alleviates anxiety because you know you are doing your very best. Accept that your decision was simply to ride out the anxiety that this celebration brings. Perhaps do something to distract yourself?

Hi Rob

I’m glad that you’ve found liberation in Buddhism. Gratitude for the positive, acceptance of the negative and being. It’s all we can ask for.

I had a similar experience recently with meditation. I realised that thoughts are just stories we tell ourselves repeatedly and it was time for me to put some of those stories away.

Do I exist? As much as anyone else.

It’s unique because we are made up of our experiences and the people we have spent time with. We also have our own unique natures and gifts. At any point different people think of you in different ways with their own nature reflected in their ideas.

I do think there are very limited choices though. Our actions. If we don’t like something we can change. We learn and we grow. Although I’ve seen enough of life to have experienced some ludicrous circumstances with ridiculous odds.