Hi Taylor

In my experience it takes at least 6 months for men to start to develop an emotional connection with a partner.

Men don’t think of dating in the same way women do. Quite often men will only be interested in sex. But they have to go along with the motions of dating because it is what women respond to.

If you think of it from the way men do. They look to date many women, primarily with the purpose to have sex with many women. What is the point in investing in a relationship unless you really like the person? They just go about their business however they want to, perhaps putting in extra effort if they are trying to get laid.

In your mind you’re looking for a relationship. While the man is still just looking for sex.

I think that considering your previous circumstances, you did really well by breaking things off early. That’s huge progress for someone who is used to putting up with bad behaviour in dating and suffers for too long feeling neglected. Congratulations on breaking that pattern!

You are worried about your the relationship patterns and stuff, clearly your goal is to find a healthy, loving relationship. Upon reading your latest post, I am not worried for you. It sounds like you’re doing some really great work with your therapist. These things take time, you are learning to listen to and make sense of your own instincts and getting to grips with the delicate balance that is making a calm confident decision and one that is an emotional reaction. You’re doing a fantastic job, so relax. 😊

I think that in this situation you did the right thing for you at this time. This ultimately isn’t a love story, but a story of growth and setting boundaries.

An approach that I often take in any kind of relationship (even non-romantic) is matching the other person’s level of interest and effort.

What really helped me in dating was writing down a list of things that I did and didn’t want in a partner. Each relationship I was in taught me about something that I did or didn’t want to experience in the future.

I really like intelligent, communicative partners. It took me a while to realize that it was important for them to be kind too.

I am learning that men can be uncomfortable with direct conversations like that. They can feel like you are blaming them for the way you feel. I think that women are more used to communicating openly and not taking it personally.

It is difficult, learning to manage these things. I read in a book about secure attachment in couples recently that it is important to change from a solitary focus to a couple focus when sharing feelings. It is not just about communicating our feelings, it is also about considering theirs at the same time.

For example:

My husband left the operating theatre for a couple minutes before the c-section began to answer the phone when his mother called. I was scared about the surgery and him leaving briefly was upsetting for me. But he was also in a different country from his family. He hates hospitals because he watched his father slowly waste away in one. He was nervous about having a child. Even hearing her voice for a short time was probably a great comfort to him.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Taylor

It wasn’t great that he flaked on you and shut down. It sounds like you’re a bit overly invested in relationships at 2 months of dating. Does it feel that way to you? Or not?

If you’re overly invested you’re going to push away all of the people who don’t get overly invested. And you’re also going to attract people who are a bit unstable.

I would recommend taking a step back and lowering your expectations for people who you haven’t dated for long. These things are a marathon, not a sprint.

Therapy can be a good option for figuring out how to break unhealthy relationships patterns.

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Oh I have another idea if you are interested. There are herbal remedies for depression and anxiety. St John’s Wort is a very famous and well known one. If you are in a place where there that has a Traditional Chinese Medicine Doctor. They can provide herbal medicine that helps with anxiety and depression too. I take some herbal medicine in addition to the antidepressant.

Hi Seaturtle

Well, myself and Anita are around regularly.

Yeah I’m doing a final this week! I’m studying IT. Ooh philosophy of death sounds interesting and I agree it is a fascinating subject. Such big questions! I’m sure that you’re going to have a lot of fun.

I love your enthusiasm for the subject and your creativity in regards to your ideas for essays. The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a great read about all of this. There is also a commentary on it called The Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.

He is doing his best to learn to walk. He is using furniture and things to hold onto while he moves around. It feels like the teething is never ending. You are right though it does get better and worse.

Right now is a stressful period. My dog almost died the other week. We are waiting to see if he has cancer. On the plus side, his blood tests are improving. My cat is missing. I’m literally dealing with prank calls telling me she’s dead because anyone can respond to a missing poster. On the plus side, my neighbours kids think that they saw her.

My husband and I are having some difficulties. I’m finally in a place where I feel like I can work on the relationship because I have figured out being a parent. I hope that we can figure things out.

Wow! I’m happy to hear that you both had such amazing experiences together. You have some fantastic memories already. It’s very romantic of him to invite you along, it does sound like you are doing the right thing focusing on your personal journey. Who knows what will happen later? I’m sure you will stay in touch and find out. 😊

It’s really good that he responded in such an amazing way to you setting your healthy boundaries.

I don’t think you miss windows running on automatic. But the proactive approach perhaps creates new windows.

But I do also believe in fate. In that I believe that certain things happen when we are ready for them to happen.

Whether to avoid bad things or not, is a complicated question.

Bad things can have unintended positive consequences. This is a really complicated subject that people have strong personal opinions about.

I was abused by my biological mother. If I hadn’t been abused by her, I might not have been raped by a classmate in university. If I hadn’t been raped, I would not have been attracted to the idea of long distance dating. I would not have met my husband or had my son. I also ultimately wouldn’t be who I am today.

So whilst terrible things happen, good things can happen as a result.

I think my perspective is to prevent unnecessary suffering where possible. But also, some things are fated experiences and are not preventable. So try not to worry about it too much. There is no sense avoiding good experiences to prevent bad things from happening. That is a way to miss out on life and suffer. Just do your best!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏

Hi Shandrea

Well you could set up a “go fund me” page just google that for the equipment you need. Fling a link up to it on social media. Other than that, it sounds like you need to study figure out funding for that. Sadly these things often take time to resolve. I’m studying part-time while raising my baby son.

If you were interested in studying I would do some research into qualifications that cost the least money and take the least time for what it is that you’re looking for. There are some surprisingly quick options. For example ESOL teaching people English is doable from home and it’s a very short course. Counselling qualifications are similarly short. And these trainings might even be found virtually if you’re lucky. It honestly depends on how much money you want to make and what it is you want to do. I’m sure that there are other options. My friend did debt collection working from home. It’s depressing but it pays and it’s easy to get a job in.

Of course, use any assistance programs available to you. Lighten the load, every bit helps!

I wish you guys the best of luck!

Love and best wishes! ❤️🙏