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I’ll share with you some advice that I received after a difficult breakup I went through. I was asking myself the same questions you were, how could he do this? how can he be so callous? how can he be so bitter? However if you are honest with yourself, and as like me, you’ll see your reactions to his behavior really start with you, not him. As someone said on here, expectations. You are doing something, and expecting a specific reaction. You say his apology is long over due, and your expectation of when the apology should have been given wasnt met, therefore you are hurting because of it. Hey, at least he apologized right? You say because he wasnt throwing himself at you and giving you attention during his “second chance” period, he wasnt serious about it. You were expecting him to hit certain marks to show you he cared and he didnt hit them the way you wanted so that makes him a jerk who picks the club over you. Well that very well maybe, and most would agree he’s showing you were his priorities are. You’re going to be satisfied with a man who doesn’t make you a priority? Instead of making reservations on the couch with a pint of hagen das under, pity party of 1. Tell yourself the following: “This person is not giving me what I need/want out of a relationship. He has shown his choices will always be motivated by what he wants, not by what I need. To this, he is his own person, entitled to his own wants needs, beliefs and thoughts. Just because he isnt conforming to mine doesnt make him spiteful or even a “bad person”, it just makes him bad fit for me.” Try to have some compassion and understanding, he is his own person, let him go do him, and you go do you now! You cant control him, nor should you want to be in a relationship that is parent/child instead of equal partners. I know its tough, the freedom from it will come with asking yourself some hard questions as to why this is *really* hurting so much and why you are having a hard time letting go. I think you’ll find the answers have more to do about yourself/insecurities/self esteem than they do about him. By doing this reflection, you take responsibility for yourself, and thus take back your power.
You may love him, and if you’re like me, you love unconditionally, but unconditional love does not imply unconditional relationship. We need to stop being selfish, and getting angry and implode emotionally when our ex’s dont do exactly what we want them to. They are not us, and we arent them. They arent in our lives anymore, we have no rights to them, they dont owe us anything nor do we owe them. Learn the lesson you need to learn from this breakup and take them with you to make your next all the more healthy and fulfilling, and be more selective with who you date and stand up for the way you want to be treated early on. It really does suck Carmen, I wish I could give ya a big hug and tell you it will be ok. I was exactly where you were just a few weeks ago, it all begins and ends within you! and it does get better!ChadParticipant
I believe it to be too convenient we exist only to suit ourselves. We are animals, with a primal instinct to simply survive, procreate, eat, sleep etc. However, humans arent any normal animal. We are capable, of logic and emotions. I ask why…? Answer… Its what makes the human experience unique. I believe it is how we use our logic and emotions to be better than just eat, poop, screw creatures. Sadly enough most humanity doesn’t aspire to anymore than that as an existence. Like most animals however, we do have a sense of community and combined purpose. We (some) understand relying on each others strengths and weaknesses creates a greater community at large, by proxy rising ourselves up adding to our enjoyment and our experience in the process. Many people forget this. They live their own life, pursue their own wants, needs, desires. They do so selfishly without regard for their fellow earthling, of whom their decisions can and will some how impact. So is the meaning of life, to simply suck as much nector out of the flower as possible only for oneself? filling ourselves up and effectively draining the flower of its life? Or are we to be like the busy bee, participating in a colony, buzzing from flower to flower taking what nector we need, little from each, to contribute to the colony, and in turn ensuring our own purpose is not in vain and our existence is fulfilled and has meaning. Providing for our family, our community and them in return for us and for all those to come. All the while pollinating ensuring the flowers contiuned existance to be enjoyed and leaving something good, that brings life, and ensures that the lives for those after will be left with the resources for their existence to have meaning and purpose as well. After all what good is a bee, with no flowers? Consider? Agree? or maybe Im full of crap…. both are possibly true :p