the large sum of money I mentioned in the start was from what he borrowed from his mother’s account and he did not tell her where he spent it because he also spent it on drinking which she detests. To cover that, he lied he invested it so he paid interest on that too in her account, his mutual funds and rest on his lodging and food. He did not ask for money unless it was a really bad situation, mostly he would ask me if I could order him some food. He used to ask me to order something cheap so that he can pay it back easily.

I feel you are right because he used to complain a lot about his mother saying that she calls him too much and was worried that soon she will be retiring from her job and then will all her focus which was 70% till now will be on him. Personally I liked his mum mostly because I admired her to have single-handedly raised a polite, intelligent, understanding man who respects women a lot but I feel I judged him too soon, he was never so far apart from her that he could take care of himself on his own, the moment one gets away from home, they develop their own personality, the loneliness, the daily struggles, a new job, a lot shapes us and makes us a different person. I think he needs time to know who really is and as for his mother, I will pray that he realises what she gave up on to have a life focused on him. She could have remarried, have had a life of her own but she did not.

maturity is what we both need.

You are right about me too Anita and this is why I have decided not to date or love again till I am sure I love myself enough to not be afraid of being alone. This is something which might have scared him too as he used to say this a lot – I cannot begin to think what you would go through if something happens to me like my dad.

I have started more time with myself, I have made some BIG plans for myself. I have been writing since I was seven years old and I have written many stories, but i never shared them with anyone. It wasn’t until my ex came to my life that he encouraged me to send them to magazines and writing contests. And boosted my confidence to the point that i decided to write a novel, a storty which has been with me since I was in high school and i started working on it last year itself. But due to my fear of Ends, I was not able to think of how to proceed with the end. I don’t know how but soon after he left, i got the idea of how to end it. And not just that, I got ideas for two more novels in the same series. Apart from that I have always wanted to travel, and I have decided to save up to go on a solo trip. Already mentioned that on Happi’s post hehe…. I felt so good to talk to someone about this.

I don’t know how long I will love him, It is exhausting. This keeps the hope alive that he might call one day, he might text one day, tell me that he has figured things on his end and he wants to eat with me. I don’t want anything romantic with him nor am i willing to take him back right now, I just don’t want to feel this hope. He might meet me one day, he might not. I want to be the person I always been- helpful, kind, confident. I want to give hope to the world through educating young minds.

Thank You Anita for your words, they have enlightened me and also. I wish to get over this sinking feeling fast, it is taking a toll on my sleep and in turn my health but I am making efforts. Let’s see how long it will be!!

I always have had the fear of being left alone all my life… It originated long back due to some family members, friends and later love interests leaving me behind.

When i met him, I was cautious not to fall very deep in love, obviously i could not control that but still I had my doubts…

After three months of being together, He confronted me and told me that he will not leave. After that at various occasions….  numerous occasions should be the correct term he told me that again and again, even when i was not afraid anymore.

Yes it was cruel of him, but this relationship was his first relationship (He is a single mother child and he told me he always felt that she is his responsibility so he wanted to focus on providing her a good life but he said that when we met, he just fell for me) and somehow I felt that maybe if he goes out with someone else he will realise that what we have is far more precious and he would not do so again.

I feel so stupid right now.

I stopped myself from asking him not to talk to anybody else because i felt i might fall in the same category of women men run away from….clingy and possessive. and also even though i don’t want to admit it but because i felt if i constrict him, he might leave.

you know the funny thing was that he told me he isn’t leaving even when i recently visited him.

I was a smart girl, but when it comes to him I have been really dense!!!