I have difficulty enjoying myself with everyone as well. It is not just that I have difficulty sharing my mind with people, I have difficulty even enjoying myself in a group. I become awkward and I notice that people avoid my company as they feel I am too serious.

I wanted to highlight this as another issue of mine which I feel I need to change in order to feel lighter at heart.

I haven’t been in contact with him and as I said, I need to sort my issues and he needs to help himself too. If he doesn’t reply again on the forum, he might have been uncomfortable that I affirmed that he was the person I talked about in my thread.

anyways, I hope for a happy future although I don’t know what is contained there.

Anita,

I have pretty firmly understood that both of us have issues and unless we resolve them, neither of us is fit to date people or capable of handling a healthy relationship. And so, here I am concerned with fixing myself.

I do connect things with fate when there are numerous coincidences but I will try to keep my overthinking in the matter under control. I will be conscious of those thoughts now.

I wouldn’t lie, I am still weak at knees where he is concerned but I don’t want to be in this state forever. Loving someone is important but taking responsibility is more important. If I was a man and if I genuinely loved a girl enough to feel she is compatible to be my life partner, no matter who was standing ahead of us- she would have been my partner for life. And I think it holds true for most people.

So, it hurts but moving ahead is the right thing. Don’t be harsh if he chooses to share anything, because perspectives matter a lot.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Ik09.

I didn’t know about it when we first met but he did tell me after the first date.

I asked him to tell me about everything- all his encounters and all details between them. He told me it was for a brief period of time and my sister was not interested as she liked the guy she was arranged to marry then. So he talked to her about his feelings drunk. It changed their dynamics a little, created distance between them, and with that, the crush ended. He said he started seeing how she behaved in general with everyone and saw her bossy nature and general rudeness. He said that he had absolutely no feelings for her after that. And since my sister was never interested. I felt it wasn’t a crime to like someone especially if there was no actual romance between them. So, I asked him to be honest with me about everything, no matter what happens and I would do the same and that was an unspoken rule between us. It bonded us in a very strong manner I guess because even when we took breaks,  even then if something happened, we used to tell each other honestly about everything.

Anita,

Don’t feel bad for using the word “Stupid” because it was indeed stupid of us. But what is in the past, can’t be changed. I just know my relationship with my sister will never be alright as he was not the reason for our issues, it was something that started long back as kids. And I am not seeking her approval, comfort, or support ever in my life again.

I am happier without her interference and I feel that if we don’t make our own decisions, someone will always try to get in our lives and try to make them for us. So, I closed the door of my life for such people altogether.

It hurts to accept that but perhaps you are right.

A friend of mine was telling me yesterday that when a man decides something there are a lot of things involved… They consider each aspect… And he decided to let you go… Because you were not irreplaceable in his eyes. He felt he can find someone better than you. Someone with less complications and less baggage. It hurt me so much but i think he was right as well. I need to accept the fact that it wasn’t his confusion, I actually didn’t suit him or his situation.

Maybe It was all in my head… He did love me initially but then he stopped. He couldn’t for some unknown reason and still couldn’t let me go… Perhaps habit as he often said that if we stop talking for sometime with no contact, we might move on easily.

But the genuine emotions which motivate trust and honest conversations were gone due to our breaks.

When we met, I could feel him struggling to talk to me but he could not open up. He had a hard time deciding if he should talk to me about things troubling his head or not. The constant state of emotional instability was present and his eyes spoke of the pain his head received because of this.

I don’t know whether it is my intuition or just my imagination but I feel it when he is troubled and I haven’t felt him ease down for a long long time. He is doing well at his workplace but getting that job or starting a different kind of work- Someone else would have been so excited but he wasn’t. He eased a tiny bit but the happiness that comes from success… He wasn’t able to feel it as well because he was so troubled internally. And I can still sense him when I calm my own self.

I want to feel hopeless in this situation, that will be the only way I can stop thinking of all this perhaps. Because God knows why each time we stop talking, I feel it in my heart that he will come back and we will talk again. He said he could feel it too- a weird intuition that we will speak again. But I think it is this feeling or hope perhaps which created a loop and disturbed us both.

He often complained that his mind was very complex and so nobody can understand him. I think he also caged himself like I did and because of that we never let anyone else in our minds except one another.  Tell me your thoughts – Anita and teaK

*I read initial lines of the thread but I don’t want to read further, it is someone who needs help and perhaps my interference would not be good. I won’t read that thread and just focus on solving my issues.

TeaK,

Initially, it was difficult but since I was still young, I adjusted quickly. My parents wanted me to be with them. They were happy to have me back but yes my sister had got used to being the centre of attraction and she did not take me coming back well. Her complaints to me and my parents began then on.

I don’t know if something in me changed then or later. But I was never welcomed by her in the family. I used to copy her and so we often fought, my parents would have to get involved. Later on, I started getting tired of fights every day and started staying away. She did not like even that. She wanted people to revolve around her and talk to her and, about her.

But as Anita says, I will stay away from her as much as possible for my own sanity. Plus, whether he was good for me or not, I know he did love me and I know our situation wasn’t normal ever but he did try hard to work it out whenever I gave up. Yes, he had insecurities even then but we never did even have a chance to live how normal couples do, with love and without worries of what our families would do if they knew we are still dating. He did masturbate even then but it wasn’t excessive, and so there was no addiction here. He used to drink with friends on weekends like most men and his only addiction was smoking- which was quite a lot- a pack a day. There was a balance between work and the relationship. I didn’t text him a lot, neither did I expect anything from him in return. We met whenever possible and when we were in long-distance, we made plans to meet. We used to video call every night though. When my sister started going to his place where other friends lived as well and started telling them how he broke her trust as a friend by dating her younger sister, all friends started coming to him with advice. Men who often went to prostitutes, were drunk all day, had bad relationships, were unemployed started coming to tell him that he was wrong in loving me. He told me that it created a huge impact on his mind and he still feels embarrassed about it. Says that was when he first regretted meeting me.  I don’t know how long we would have lasted if my sister didn’t interfere but I would have still dealt with it better than the mess she created with me, him, my family, and his family. I don’t think I can ever forgive her for that even if tomorrow someone else comes to my life, I know I can’t forgive her.

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Ik09.

Ever Since I was a kid, I had a weird feeling…I don’t know how or why I feel like this… I always felt lonely… I felt lonelier around couples, I was so envious. I was envious of even my parents, I wanted one particular person just to me. Even Family vacation pictures, I can be seen without a smile. I enjoy things on my own and suddenly It hits me, I want someone who could see this, appreciate the view, appreciate the taste, or smell… experiences and me.

I was very young but I would sit and look at the sky all day(Told by my mum) and if I asked why I am sitting there… I used to tell everyone that I am missing my person and my parents would laugh it off.

I am understanding as I am writing this, It is a deep-rooted problem. I have waited a long long time for a companion, even my life goals were not as regular people. I was never afraid of money or my career. I knew I have studied enough to earn well whenever I try. My Freelance writing itself could fetch me enough. But I was worried about my partner.

I often would get these mental images- Me in a luxurious flat, but all alone having the best of things but nobody to share it all with.

Even a few of my stories have the undertone of this-Of people who are waiting for their love, love they have never met but only feel.

I think I fear all this soon after I experience happy moments. I feel lonelier when I see others happy and laughing together.

I smile involuntarily seeing them but crave for my own person.

I know its pathetic but this is how it feels.