Anita,

I think our culture has very much conditioned us to look for love outside of ourselves in order to feel whole and fulfilled. But often times if we think that way and are still unsatisfied, it’s because we are looking to others to complete us and give us the validation that we want without considering that we are whole and valid already.

Hi srk,

Is it possible that friendships in your past faded quickly because you were not mindfully cultivating them? You said you are a workaholic who didn’t pay a lot of attention to your relationships in the past, and didn’t mind that. But now you do mind, and you’re paying attention. Maybe this awareness and desire to create concrete and genuine relationships is the first step in your journey toward finding them. I am a big believer that everything happens for a reason, and I would say not to focus on the past and what you could have done differently, because you will never be able to go back and change anything. But now you can focus on moving forward intentionally and opening yourself up to new possibilities and relationships. Acknowledging a problem in your life is the first step toward remedying it, and I think you’re off to a good start by thinking about what you are lacking in your life.

Also, the early 20s are a weird and inherently impermanent time. I am in my early 20s myself, and my situation and relationships change frequently. So try not to be too discouraged by people leaving and entering your life often, it does happen as people are on their own journeys. It won’t be that way forever. I hope this message helped, and even if it doesn’t you’ve been given some great advice already. I really enjoyed Mark’s attachment; I read it and it gave me some insight for myself, thanks Mark!

Best,

Jaclyn

I am right there with you! I will be starting my last semester of college in the fall, and have absolutely NO idea what I’ll be doing after graduation. I’m an English major, so add that on top of the list of “will I make it” anxieties. I’ve heard all of the Starbucks barista jokes! I am just trying to keep in mind that almost everyone has this fear, and yet everyone must take those first steps. I would say, instead of thinking about what job you could see yourself doing, think about what kinds of things you want to be doing. You want to help people, that’s a noble pursuit that isn’t limited to a 9-to-5 desk job. Do you want to travel? Is there a city you’ve always wanted to live in? Don’t think of graduation as the death of your structured, predictable life, but rather as the end of a hallway that opens up into a world of possibilities. Financial stress is difficult and very anxiety-inducing! I personally follow The Financial Diet on social media and YouTube for better spending tips, if it’s a budget you’re worried about. But you don’t have to have it all figured out right now. It may take you a few not-right jobs to find where you belong. Embrace the challenge! You’ll find where you’re meant to be.