Thanks Aiyana. How young a person is Aiyana ? You seem pretty senior in terms of advice you have offered so far 🙂

When Aiyana is able to be just Aiyana, you will find someone who is right for you in every sense. When we are able to accept ourselves as we are, accepting anyone else becomes a breeze and then we do not need a list of criteria for falling in love. We meet a new bloke and if we hit off – we are our ourselves and we let them be themselves and if it works out, awesome. If it doesn’t , you have learnt something about both of you, which will come handy in the future relationships. There is no failure or success. Just beautiful lessons, which help us to become more US as time goes by.

There is no prescription to finding the right guy or a perfect partner. However, the chances of finding a good partner are high when we are kind to ourselves and be US. Like attracts like and wah lah, all your criteria will be met automatically when you are able to be Aiyana in every sense (physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually etc).

Hope this helps. You are awesome as you are 🙂

Jasmine

Hi Plaedes

I am sorry for your suffering.

Hey, you are confusing perfectionism with OCD. You are exhibiting many of the features of OCD. This is way different from being a silly perfectionist. Mental health issues used to be a taboo many years ago. Nowadays, the statistics on these are alarming. Most of us will go through some form of mental health trauma in our lifetime. So it is not such a big deal anymore but getting the right treatment is important for your overall optimal functioning in the society. Suggest you see your psychiatrist again. Share these notes with him or her. You will also benefit from seeing a psychologist and implementing small goals in your life such as exercising, good nutrition, adequate sleep every night, meditation or breathing exercises, gratitude offering etc.

And remember, Plaedes is awesome as he is. You were given a full plate, which you couldn’t cope with in your circumstances and things are now spilling over in a not so good way. How much longer would you like to continue with this ?

Your parents are who they are. They will remain who they are until they leave the body. Do not spend any time trying to alter that fact. You are who you are but you are not willing to accept that. Can you be a little more kind to yourself, pls.

If it was me who was going through these issues, I would seek professional help most importantly (Tiny Buddha is great for self development, venting out, sharing experiences etc but it is not a professional resource. You will hear only opinions here and every opinion will be different). Once stable on medical treatment, plan to leave the country for 6 months and go somewhere else with your GF (if you want to take her along). Refresh and start a new chapter in life. You are NOT going to win this family business battle in the near future, however, you can win the self battle with a persistent but kind effort.

Good luck and may your worn out soul find the refuge it seeks. Sending you loads of unconditional love.

Blessings

J

Hi Linda @lindarut

I am sorry for your suffering. Hey, are you still on the spray or you have ceased it ? Was it a decongestant or a steroid based spray ? Did you have anxiety, panic attacks or any mental health issues prior to starting this medication or the panic attacks only started after the medication use ? Is there is a family history of mental health issues ?

What was the blood test for ?

Hey, is someone in the family irritating you real bad ?

Jasmine

Hey Lightsource

Thanks for your kind words 🙂

How is it going ? Whats cookin ? LOL

Thank you Inky and Matt for your amazing replies.

Hey Sojourner,

I felt a little confused reading your post and had to read it a few times to understand your question. I will provide my perspective, which may or may not agree with you today.

Hey, when you need to have a shower, take a dump, have breakfast or wear a particular dress, do you seek anyone’s permission or validation ? I suspect your answer is going to be no. Then, why do you need an outside light on this issue ?

You seem like a very sensible and mature lady from the post and you seem to know the answers to your queries as well. What is the real reason behind writing this post ?

When you couldn’t find the right person in the guy you dated for 2 years, how do you expect to find the right person by just testing the waters ? Sometimes, to find the right answers, we need to take a deep dive into our hearts and mind to understand what it is that we seek. Similarly, to find the right partner or companion, you need to go through some not so compatible partners. Until we try different types of food to decide which suits our own tastebuds or sense of smell, how can we be so sure that a certain food is not to our liking just by looking at it ? And who decides the rule as to what is wrong or right in this world anyway ? Who decides if someone or something can stand the test of time ?

I personally think at this age, you should be able to enjoy your life as and how you want it to be – no one is watching you lady. You are your own boss and whatever you do will be for your best 🙂

May you find the real answer that your heart seeks.

Cheers

J

Hey Patricia

A big hug for the good news :). I am so glad you had a wonderful tonight. Hoooooooraaaay for tomo and every other day. You are so worth it and can you try and put a smile on hubbys face as well.

J

Hi Michael Smith

I am going to be really harsh with you today as I feel compassion and supportive posts work the best when you have no clue as to what happened. You know exactly what has happened. You are way more sensible than what you keep telling yourself.

“tell myself that…. good things will happen to me soon”. Don’t you think good things have already started happening to you – you have saved yourself from a much bigger trouble in the future by having this relationship cut short. Can you imagine what would have happened if you had married her or had a child with her and then she left you or perhaps, she started cheating on you while you were still together ? Do you deserve this ?

Going to bed sad doesn’t equal positivity in the morning. Please get this very clear in your head. Going to bed sad = more miseries the next day whether you like it or not. You need to go to bed happy and with positive or uplifting thoughts. Perhaps, listen to some positive lectures from various spiritual leaders or non-spiritual leaders. Give your subconscious mind something useful to do while you rest your body overnight. Or another option is to do a short meditation. I have posted few links before on other posts. Matt recommends Sharon Salzburgs Metta Meditation. Hey, break the cycle, mate as no one else is gonna come and do it for you !!!

“I feel used and lied to” – Seriously ? Do you really think someone can make us feel broken without our permission. What you need to figure out is this – what is my gain or underlying agenda in all of this self-pity ? What is missing that I am not able to understand about myself ? What is the lesson that I need to learn from this relationship so that my next relationship will be better ?

Yes, please can be cold even after wonderful times. This is the beauty of human psyche. When it is not our issue or our emotional investment at stake, it is so much easier to walk away as if nothing happened. However, in your case, you feel let down and unsure of why this happened when you were having wonderful moments. Hey, people do what they do. People are not intentionally trying to hurt everyone in their lives. They do this out of ignorance or arrogance as they don’t know any better. But YOU do ! You are a kind soul and be that way. Stop bringing negativity in your life with this persistent self pity. You are not doing anyone any favours. People who needed to move on have done so and probably don’t even know your plight. They do not have the capacity to understand your pain so why are you wasting your energy on such people ?

BE KIND TO YOURSELF FOR MICHAEL’s SAKE. Don’t ruin your days as they are not coming back and what we do today (in terms of thoughts, actions and feelings) is painting our future. Choice is in your hands. Do you want a sad tomo or do you want a positive move forward tomo. Shit happens but we learn and move on to better pastures.

Last post from me to you as I know you will be fine now 🙂

Blessings,

J