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It does make sense. I can see it how I’ve been feeding myself with “bad person” complex. Because you can’t save your mom, you’re a “bad person”, if you can’t do well enough in relationships, you’re a “bad person”, if you can’t be there for them, you’re a “bad person”. You figured it out right
I will keep the interaction limited, and let’s see what happens in the starved interaction
It has not been my job, I agree. I’m just too used to taking things as my job, I need to break it., I have a long way to improve. Thanks for pointing that out
(If you needed to ask about things you wanted to re-read or refer to, I can type them again. Sorry for putting you into inconvenience if it did.)
He actually has lots of friends to express himself to. He used to tell me these two especially “helping” friends, one that he has broken off communication with and the other probably doesn’t talk often but is still close and knows a great deal about him just like me. I think it’s not like one of his usual breaks, it’s a bit prolonged one maybe because I’m not available on social media platforms since my pet got sick, so his way to reach out to interact has gotten limited.
Honestly, I feel like a bad person to even admit I’ve been misused and that this is going wrong way. I just don’t like the way at all how he handles his friendships and communications. My values get shaken all at that point.
I’m sorry, can you suggest how to clear up my boggled mind about how should I view this situation? This is such a small fragment of everyday things we encounter as social beings, why am I making this so hard and tiring for myself?
(Thank you for putting up with me, Anita!)
(to correct *my father is married to my mother, they’re just not seeing or talking to each other directly for years now, they’re still not legally divorced yet)
I’m not sure how to view this exchange or communication anymore. These past two days I over did the thought of how I want this friendship to be. Today I talked to him after a two-day break. I texted for only a while in the afternoon, and then for a while in the evening. Both times, the conversation went from him inquiring about my sick pet, then how I’m doing, then me texting I don’t feel like talking, him replying with “It’s okay. I understand, just take care”.
What do you think; am I making this tiring myself?
(Yes, I did start a few. I started from “Childhood Trauma” in May 2019 and so on. It’s not the case, I truly value all of your replies and the time and effort you put into communicating with me. I admit it gave you an impression of the opposite when I deleted the account so easily, not putting much thought into what the person who gave me time and attention on that space would feel. I’m sincerely sorry if it caused you any discomfort or hurt. I need to be more thoughtful)
I totally got you at the point of being okay with changing. And maybe I just wanted to hear that.
Something I never really did, nor do is: being courageous/ brave. I’m never really bold, and don’t voice my points or needs. Also I’m afraid to end things on bad terms. By the way, surprisingly, he didn’t text all day today. Yesterday he also only texted in the morning for a while and didn’t for the rest of day. I can’t really tell he has realized the space is needed, or what else. But, I’ll try my best to take in courage to bring up the topic. I think I should wait and see if he starts texting less from now on. I’ll tell you about where the friendship is going then.
I’ll take in your advice and try to be more direct instead of being shut about things or passive aggressive on other.
(we communicated in early February I guess) (We last talked on a thread I started “what can we offer to the world” where I talked about feeling like I don’t have a safety net underneath by my parents and financial issues)
I agree, you phrased it right. I am acting like a dumping ground.
In this situation I have my bad part too. First, I shouldn’t have offered to talk out in the first few days. Because I was so available, it invited him to take that as the standard bar of availability from me. Then, I shouldn’t have agreed with every one of of things, like his views on his friendships, relationships and even to his smoking habits. I never really tried to disagree or resist on his views, because I thought, “well he’s just venting out, let him say whatever and nod your head to anything.” And it turns out I have created my image in his head that I hold the same beliefs and values as him. So in short we’re both okay the way this friendship is going. When in truth I’m not, only he is. That is why I’m afraid of telling him that he’s been doing something wrong
As you suggested, telling him that he’s invading my space and using me as a dumping ground, he’d definitely offer to mutualize. I don’t want to mutualize in that case. I’d not prefer having to word out every single of my feelings into a text message. I have my personal diary and a vent sketch book. I mostly draw/paint out my nasty feelings, or sometimes write them to see a bigger picture, but I do not want a human diary for that purpose. That is too inappropriate in my view. He’d just not come to a point if I say it directly. Is there an indirect way to tell him that?
Plus, I was thinking of making an excuse of not getting to use my cell phone a lot by my parents of something. Is it okay if I use this excuse to gradually pull away from our texting time?
Thank you for your response again. Hope you stay safe in these hustling times. Hope you’re doing okay