Forum Replies Created
It really feels comforting that I do know about the distinction of these behaviors.
*From what I meant by being not one of those people, is not that I was EXACTLY like my mother or that guy. I was a person who gave away too many presents, and origami stuff I made. I haven’t vented out excessively to others. To me, not giving others space and time meant giving away too much , from which they felt compelled to thank me back in a way. And same way, to me giving them space and time meant backing off with my constant “giving policy”. I hope it made sense!
(I’ve been thinking how about I write in my personal statement how my conditions have made me learn to take responsibility of my actions. This can be a trait I can extend to an essay. But I really doubt my creativity, that I’ll be able to take a bit serious topic into a light and flowery piece. Do you have opinions over this topic?)
Thank you very much.
About #3: I will admit firstly, I wasn’t one of those people. It’s been just more than an year, I realized. In fact one of my friends pointed it out to me. And I’ve since then started trying to be one of those people. Do you remember once I wrote about looking like a creep to everyone I interacted with, because I gave away too many presents? I stopped doing that. I’m still progressing on being that. And it feels much better than before.
Do you feel like you ever picked up your mum’s behavior earlier or later?
About #4: I’m a bit confused on what you asked for? As in what way?
It’s completely okay. Yes, when I typed # 3 an 4, I had some actions I observed in my mind.
For number 3: It was the opposite of this action I first observed. When my mum had a lot of anxiety and she wouldn’t stop talking every five minutes. She expected someone to respond to her and have a company 24/7 by her side. So she used me for that purpose. I have talked her out throughout childhood even about things a child shouldn’t be talking. Even participated in talks like, “What to do, my life doesn’t have a purpose and I want to die”. I only used this example to indicate that the topics were overwhelmingly serious for a child. Although, she mentioned suicide a lot to me from time to time. I had almost no space to myself. She didn’t give me time to respond or provided space on the days I felt like having some. So, when I met people like my current three close friends, I understood the importance and wonders of time and space in relationships through them. They are fine with company, and they’re better off by themselves too. They understand taking and giving space. A lot of people I met and I admire as ideals have this in common. You’re also an example! (if I don’t sound cheeky)
Number four: I can’t really recall a lot regarding this. I think the friend I talked about who has very strict parents has been a very very loyal one. She is the one I can recall I guess. But honestly, no one really has cheated or lied to me in any relationship under serious circumstances. I don’t think I have been lied to very badly. You can say almost everyone has been doing this “good action” to me, I am grateful
(I’m very comfortable with going on back and forth. I actually appreciate that you are willing to put this exercise up for me, in order to help me. I am willing to invest time into this)
1. Letting people you care about know that you are thinking of them on their celebratory and mourning occasions, so they can feel you actually like to participate in their life.
2. Saving energy and resources on your own budget to contribute to Earth a little something.
3. Giving time and space time in all sorts of relationships
4. Staying loyal and truthful in all sorts of relationships
5. Being open-minded with choosing to think about, speak of, or react to things you don’t personally agree with.
6. Offering help whenever you are in the might to do so, given if it doesn’t hurt yourself.
7. Listening to others calmly and keenly.
8. Taking responsibility of your own actions and words, and letting others do the same.
1. Judging and criticizing people for their likes/dislikes, especially if those preferences are harmless to anyone’s well being.
2. Talking a lot about the things you hate about. Especially spreading hate on things that are not directly harmful to anyone.
3. Believing that the world owes you something, just because you gave away something. (I’ve seen some very close people do this, and I think they are wrong to act like that majority the times.)
4. Making people feel bad about their appearance/identity.
5. Doing unhealthy things that hinder your productivity, affect your physical health, or relationships in a negative way and calling them “self-care”.
6. Always being late to the plans, intentionally/ Making others wait, without giving a concern
7. Lying excessively
Is the format of list correct? Or do you find something missing.
Thank you for your time
*anita, I’ve been able to complete community service hours, I’ve been preparing actively for my standardized tests too, I am intending to start Portfolio work once our house budget sets too. It’s just I can do most of the things for my goal of uni, except for writing a personal statement. Financial shortcomings and this inability to write personal essays hold me back to getting to bigger places. Almost any route will require me presenting a good part of me to others in order for them to know a stranger me and keep me in their trust. Whether it a job, uni application, or even a business. I feel very short of and incapable of these two things.
(I provided elaboration about it to give out bigger picture. I’m sorry if it was just TMI.)
I tried a lot to come up with a reply to your former post for me, but I just couldn’t. I doubt the reason is: I don’t even know what behavior makes me a “good” or “bad” person. I am like a stranger to myself when it comes to defining what things are good for me or bad for me. Same with my qualities. I’ve been trying to complete my personal statement for universities, and you might know it requires an insight to the writer’s personality and useful qualities/ attributes. I couldn’t see a single thing through that said: Hey, I am a good fit for being admitted into a university, I can name my good attributes and prove them creatively. It worried me a lot. Will I stay like this? I feel like I never change in a positive way or move forward. It feels so bad.
My teachers and school counselor would answer this with, “You are a creative person. You are preserved. We like your energy and passion.” It feels like they are describing a foreign person, someone I don’t know about. I am never able to see through myself or say good things. Describing them creatively to Common App sounds far off from reality. It made me stressed out, because I can not explain this reason others as to why I’m not being able to come up with a personal statement. And my inner self scolds me every hour in front of the blank Word Document: Javairia, if your stupidity and stubbornness to come in terms with yourself will affect your goal to get into that first preference uni, you will regret this very bad.
I am already regretting having to think I’m a fit for unis. I feel like my goals have disappeared after getting to know that I can’t even come up with a simple way to describe a good part of me. Who will even accept me the way I am?
When I read your response, I apologized to my friends right away, things were settled. I deleted that guy’s contact from my phone, and told him I won’t be available on texts. Although, he still follows me on Instagram, and messages me there. I have tried to ignore the messages frequently to cut down that communication too. I hope we slowly cut off completely. He’ll be completely better off without me, he is very social and vents out a lot to many people. So, thankfully I won’t feel like a “bad person” having him left unheard.
Thank you very much for wishing me safe. I hope things are going well for you, and you are doing great.
I’ll take some time to think about what you wrote. Thank you very much for your time
I let them know. but I only left a message “I’m deactivating for a while” to them. So they got worried why I left so suddenly. Because I didn’t provide them a reason. Especially the one who is having a hard time, was very worried. No we do not contact anywhere else, and we’re pretty used to having converstaions only there.
I’m sorry to interrupt the conversation. Should I throw in my two cents too?
I agree with Valora and Anita. It is actually just like viewing magazines. I understand, for a married couple it might look like a “betrayal” if you see the other exclusively following the instagram models. It actually sounds a bit too much when on your public profile you are viewing and following such visual content. Rather viewing it on a website with no log in seems more appropriate in my view. But it is still just the other getting some pleasure out for a time being with no deeper feelings or meaning attached.
It might not make sense, but I hope you got the point. plus, I understand you must be furious, you should take your time to process it.
I’ve been feeling guilty since yesterday. It’s that I suddenly deactivated my social media when my pet got sick, two of my close friends got really worried about me. And I feel like a jerk to make them have worries for me.
And that guy texted me again, and unfortunately, I replied again. I’m thinking of telling him today that I won’t be available anymore to talk.
I feel like such a jerk right now. One of my closest friend is having a hard time during quarantine because of her strict parents. Her parents take out anger on her, and abuse her. I feel like, “bad person” complex is getting to me again.
Thank you for the advice and the offer.
You phrased it right for me. I should really stop this friendship right here then.
I’m less prone to do it when I don’t feed myself triggering content or keep myself consciously away from those thoughts by venting out through art instead.
*and by digging my nails into arms, to scratch the skin badly.
I apologize for the uncomfortable content
I get it. I agree, believing the right and rational things over the inner critic and self-hatred is a right way. it’s harder to get through this process than it seems, but I’ll give it a try for sure.
I don’t know quiet well, why it triggered me to self harm so much after talking to him regularly. It might’ve been a constant flow of negative things like suicide and such. But it still confuses me why I hurt myself so much during this time period. I self harm by cutting my right arm and by making burn scars sometimes.
That’s sad to hear you had to deal with this too. I’m glad you got through this. How was the process?
I understand, I will do that.
About the childhood you asked, there’s one other incident I don’t recall pleasantly often and didn’t mention in any of our conversations before- I was sexually assaulted at the age of around 6 or 7 by a pedophile. That person actually assaulted me for a period of time, but I was never able to talk about it to anyone. But I don’t think it affects me that bad. Except for two occasions when my mum wrongly accused me of incest with my elder brother, for literally no reason at all(it was a product of her anxiety for something I guess), it just brought back the memories of that and I was disgusted with myself for a long time. I sometimes shudder from being physically touched, but it doesn’t feel as traumatic as other memories. About current situation, I don’t know I should associate with this, but since I’ve been talking with that guy regularly, I’ve been self-harming more than ever before. It’s wrong of me to connect it somehow, but yeah; it’s been two months I’ve been taking out a lot of frustration on my body.
I’m sorry if this is a heavy piece to read through
Take care. Bless you