Oh no Sammy, I’m not going off the rail or anything, today is the first day I’ve felt OK in the 3 weeks, I only got 4 drinks from the shop, obviously if it makes me feel bad tomorrow ill revert back but I’m not feeling really depressed about everythjng so just wanted to chill with friends to watch the football. I know I have said I wasn’t really enjoying it but that was when I was drinking a whole bottle of rum and constant thinking about her, I decided today my mindset was stable enough to let my hair down a little.

I’ve actually just had a chat with my mum, haven’t really spoke about to her for a while sbout it because she was fed up with hearing about it when she said I was a fool for keep going back, I can tell how much it pains her to see me sad after all this time, so many people are rooting for me and care about me, I feel like i really need to step up and stop feeling sorry for myself at times because one person who didn’t value me is causing a ripple effect.

I don’t regret anything, I know I done more than enough but sometimes I do think well maybe I could of done this differently when really it’s all in my head and sometimes things just don’t work out. Seeing her has just fed the addiction I suppose, hopefully after the weekend I can get back to positive state of mind where I feel good about the changes I’ve been making and look to add a couple of more at some point.

Agree the weather’s not quite there yet but I’ve still caught some!

Morning Sammy, your last post is absolutely correct I know that, I certainly wouldn’t accept any reconciliation on my part at this time, I am really believing in the rebuilding phase and finding myself again, I want to find my internal happiness before I would consider anything serious with anyone, it’s obvious I can’t be anything casual with her because of my feelings and how it affects me so believe me I feel stronger in repelling any effort at this time. I wish I was as emotionally strong as you and could draw a definite line under it forever but I just can’t do that, not at this time anyway, maybe I will feel different as time goes on and I become a better version of myself or I might meet someone else whilst that happens, I believe there is no script in life and anything can happen but I promise you I’m not clinging onto to any hope, I’m just being open minded, I don’t know how I will feel in the coming months but I know that I am very determined to stick to my own blueprint on how I want to better myself. I know that it was a good window for her to reach out and she hasn’t which I am partially relieved at because it just make things easier, like you I would of replied because I can’t just ignore her but I would have kept it short and reaffirm I agree at the moment it’s best we do our own thing and allow space, I have absolutely no urge to reach out to her.

The morning anxiety is just a daily thing at the moment I know that will change, it might more deep rooted issues other than the healing phase and I know it will pass, I went to bed a bit later last night as I did have a lot of thoughts running through my head but when i did fall asleep I slept all the way through and I feel a lot better today than I did yesterday so positive vibes, haircut tonight, I may venture out a bit more this weekend as the weather is supposed to be nice and continue my abstinence from alcohol and just try to generally socialise, after yesterday evening I feel I can do that without so much anxiety as at the back of my mind I was worrying about bumping into her and now that has happened I don’t have to worry so much about how it will make me feel.

I hope everything is good with you also! Always on about myself lol but I do appreciate your investment in my journey as always 🙂

Thank you for recognising that, I do hope so. I wouldn’t say I’m over her at all, I feel I could only say that if I felt nothing at all but I know I’m handling everything correctly and it’s not affecting me as mentally as I thought it would, doesn’t change the fact I really do miss her in my life and part of me still wants it the fantasy but I’m being realistic with myself and know that can’t happen so I will continue the good fight to own happiness 🙂

• This reply was modified 3 years, 7 months ago by Jay.

Well I knew it was a funny old day, I just got dropped off from work and walked past the pub over the road to my house and she was sitting outside having a drink, she was with 2 people, didn’t look who they were so could of been friends or date I wouldn’t know, she said hi and I said hi back and just carried on walking, didn’t really know what else to do lol, I have been wondering when I was going to bump into her and it has given me anxiety ythinking about it but it’s done now.

Morning all, we had breakup sex 3 times throughout, used to really tick me off how casual she was about it, that was one thing I noticed is that we have different views on something as sacred as sex, when I was younger I had a few one night stands and I always ended up feeling not right and some anxiety although it was exciting at the time, now I have the view of I don’t really want to participate unless there is a connection to that person.

Not sure if it’s the tablets or just the fact that time is actually healing now, maybe a combination, they do help with dulling negative thoughts and I’m on my 3rd week now, I just have a feel good factor in particular for not drinking, I identified that as something that was going to make me feel worse and hinder me and I’ve stopped with my own willpower, this is also giving my mind encouragement to do other things that I I wouldn’t previously, that will help me grow.

I actually thought the same about therapy but I still think I will benefit because I suffered from low self esteem and depression before this relationship and I just swept it under the carpet because I could manage my life but wasn’t happy, I just want to get all of my thoughts and history of how I felt and see what the analysis is of that and what I can do to move forward and be at peace with myself.

My friends are respectful of how I’m managing my life at the moment, I’m not someone who can be peer pressured into anything, If I set my mind to something I generally stick to it unless I don’t want to myself, they will always be there if I was to detach from the group for any reason, that happens generally when you get into a relationship anyway and I’ve no guilt if that’s what makes me happy.

I’m glad you liked the message in the bottle idea, for me a heartfelt message would mean a lot more than anything materialistic like trainers etc.

I’m not sure how long I will feel upbeat for but my gp called this morning to see how I was getting on with the medication and she could tell how different I sounded from the initial call and was nice to hear how happy she was about that from her tone, I’m just trying to keep all these little positive points at the top of my thoughts and keep the past ones out.

I’ve got an appointment for my haircut on Thursday evening, I’m think I’m going to have a spruce up at the weekend and update my profile pic, I haven’t done it for over a year so I’m thinking why not!

We stopped talking 2 months ago, the split was in September but we hooked up just after Christmas which just reset the healing process but something I needed to happen as before Christmas I just wasn’t accepting it was over even though we wasn’t speaking hardly, so really I’ve felt crap for about 9 months give or take lol.

No my friend isnt going through anything like that, he is totally different to me in that respect but he’s having some problems with addiction and his mental health, he has been there for me so I want to try help as best I can but all I can do is talk whenever he wants, only he can control his actions.

I know you’ve got a heart pal, just posting here after you resolved your initial reason for joining the thread shows that and your story is a good example of everything happens for a reason and things will work themselves out one way or another in the end!