Forum Replies Created
and finding love again is possible…and its going to be the best thing…but its not so easy…i know even if the greatest love comes to u on its own tomorrow…u will not accept it so easily…but waiting for something to happen is not good…it creates a void untill tht thing happens..so you yourself must fill tht void or not let it happens..one shud be fulfilled with wat they have ..not wait for something…else it will create imbalance in mental strenght..the best way one can stay fulfilled it,,giving out selflessly…i mean helping others,charity ,social work etc..i work for animals..so even though i go thru emotional tornados,my love for animals is greater than my life so i keep going..thts the purpose of my life..
i think u do take evrything little more seriously..but thts not the point,…how can someone be so careless towards a wife..?i can imagine such a sweet couple you both were once upon a time. thts a good thing that he will be getting out of the hotel,it will be more clearer to see wat he wants then…he is getting carried away right now……from the beginning i have felt all this he is doing is temporary(a long temoporary..cant think of another word)…and he with all those dumb girls tells me surely he just wants to have fun/take no responsibility…..if this is his character..mostly it wont get better with him…if this is just his adrenaline rush ,(he got bored of life etc etc)…then i strongly feel it will come down…atleast as he grows older…leaving this if/else part…somewhere in my head,intuitively or watever ,i feel this is just a rush ,he wont last long in this state, i dono how and why i feel this way,tht the love is of same strenght from both sides , its just tht u are systematic in life and he is nowhere in the picture of systematic.u have dreams and expectation from life and he has nothing..its a bad pairing..but actually thts how life works really..but what i dont clearly cant seem to place is, how is tht he easily forgets about his love and then after his wrong doings remembers love again(its possible people do it..but im talking abt what leads to such behaviour)…probably remembering u again means a way out of guilt for him or a way to make himself feel better or its like he gets some plus points after all the minus points he got while clubbing…so it just might be tht with some love mixed… but really he shud not be doing this to his love…so it cant be excused….enuf of questions and analyzing now..one thing u can do is…if he emails u or talks to u..just behave like he an acquaintance..just be frendly…give him a feeling tht u have drawn the line…u are closing the relation ship…and he is losing his importance in yr life….its not just for him …its for yr sake also tht im saying… u may just want to wait till jan or something untill u think abt him seriously again…till then just distract yrself into something else…if u can do it..do it for a week and reply wat you feel..
Hi sonja, i sort of new this wud happen, this guys mind works only at the extreme ends like some bipolar,but more than tht he is not true not even to himself. im very angry for wat he has done. he does feel guilty but he is uncontrollable.you dont desere to be treated like this.you know, im very very broken in life right now,mentally…but you are more important…please take care…and please dont cry ,now , consciously start accepting the realities.you are very wise. dont fear wat will happen tomorrow.stay calm and strong.
Hi sonja, what kind of business you are opening?
Hi barbara, what do you do?
The psychology part you said makes a lot of sense to me. Surprisingly now i realized that i have a close friend with whom i share a similar relation. We really are close friends but he is so insensitive towards me. im starved,no friend will be like this,i shout at him, fight, but i give up changing him coz i dono why but im happy wenever i get to talk to him(not really,only he talks and i listen only)but still we are good friends and he is a sweetheart,very innocent and for him im his only close frend and for me i dono,i just want him to be there,for me to feel everything is alright…its a strange relationship coz there is no balance,but still its very strong. So i feel even if u leave your husband and move on,he wont be able to leave you,he is dependent on you emotionally or something,he might be having a feeling like everything is ok when u are around. i feel he might not move on,and i feel with the kind of personality he has he wont be able to find somebody else,or nothing that can match wat you have given him,so he will be always wanting to be back with u. if you let go now,his immature mind might get a beating..he might start to realize what he had and how secure he had felt then..but it will be slow. he might calm down with more aging. just some thought i got on the basis of my frendship. you are a very strong person,concentrate on you career and try to move away,and see how he reacts, until u are with him he will feel everything is alright/safe and might never realize how he is losing things. correct me if im thinking off the track abt the whole thing.
Probably i was not being very clear. So far, may be you dont know but you have shown great strength. For some people sweet,inspirational words work, they draw strength from them.. but for some people what works is building ones own strength from inside through ones own actions,im one of them..so, i was trying to tell you a way on what you can do next. some people have an aggressive approach to life, and they probably would get into regretful situations later.I find you very reasonable and wise, dont succumb to the impulsive/aggressive thoughts from outside..nobody has got to tell you to throw him out of your life..its between both of you and you got to decide.because some where you really had some meaningful times thats why you got married.there is hardships written in every creatures life here on earth by god.all im saying is dont feel weak.you shud get strong,stay calm and assertive.and when i talked abt forgiving him i say tht it doesnt make you victim again,you will feel strong and you can be the only decider with no doubts then. im not asking you to forgive or anything, was wanting to say that you talk to him again n again and get a feel of wat your heart feels or wants .ill give u one example, there was a puppy found on streets,its hind legs were paralyzed…every body said its over,its pretty bad and even if there is a surgery done it will not be normal again so lets euthanize it,i sed without even trying to do anything for it to live normally no one has the right to end its life.finally one person took the puppy along and the surgery was done and everything was normal again. in this story im focusing on only one thing, thats the last chance. its very easy to cut off ,lot of people will tell u the easy way out but one can say its over only after one has made enough efforts to keep something alive. and most people dont want to put any efforts, they can only talk,why do u want to be like that.dont expect him to correct himself or ask for help, he has not even realized that he not doing it right..You care about the person right..so you guide him…take him to a psychologist yourself if u want to. what im implying is that be a doer not just a thinker. im a doer so i can give only this advice,i wanted to give you different possibilities so that you can choose what u wud be comfortable with,thinking that u wud be broken and have no confidence to think calmly. im sorry if i have sed any hurtful things..i just only want your betterment..as woman,i understand and feel for you ,so.
I just had to respond. I totally agree with Abhinand. You are currently weak,hurt,very emotional.you are taking a decision because you got hurt.I think a decision is right when its well thought of considering both sides .I understand your feelings esp. when u say he was the love of your life. but i advice you to get calm. stop thinking about the pain he caused you,he did this to you,he did that you n all tht. For now leave the “you” part and think about the the whole relationship,where things started going wrong…whether somewhere,something that you took for granted.this is not finding your faults, this is respecting the fact that we are all humans and not perfect,we dont have to be anyways.But our efforts should be perfect…upto 100%. Effort to love,to live,to forgive,to correct,to restart and live again. Forget about the result but there should be effort put in first before anybody gives up.
Let me remind you human mind is always always inconsistent,changing,like some one called it ‘the drunk monkey’,most people dont have the control over it. So,try to find out if he is/was not strong, weak minded,if he needs help or something.If he does need help then you as the stronger one can provide it. And if he is really bad person then you will know within minutes and then you know he doesnt deserve any chance.You might be able to do this considering the fact that he was the love of your life once. This kind of closure is good. This will bring surety and clarity on all the things.You will be sure about yourself, what you are ,your emotions,your strenght,your weakness,your respect,your life. This is the way you build your strength mentally and in your practical life again,and not by crying,remembering of those times,feeling cheated and feeling pity/sad, and struggling to cheer up again, burying the events,trying to forget things…all that is too hard. Be strong and face your sorrows, you can definitly eliminate them. This is my way of dealing with life ,could help you too.