@wigirl said:
This may be an unpopular opinion, but I think that sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to find our “passion”. Had you asked me as a kid what I want to be when I grow up, what I’m doing in my career would have never crossed my mind. On paper, my job sounds so mind-numbingly boring that you would wonder why anyone in her right mind would want to do it. For me, it’s what you make of it. I enjoy the people in my office. They are like a second family to me. I feel secure, content and make good money to put towards things that really fuel my fire, like a trek through the Himalayas, a nice car, my own home with a dog and backyard, music concerts with my friends and more. Do I feel like I’m changing the world in my work? Not necessarily, but it’s a job that I can take pride in anyway because I do the best I can do and see the progress I make each day. I work to live, not live to work. You’re right that we spend so much of our time devoted to our work that it should be something we can enjoy. That said, we have our free time to pursue hobbies and interests as well – it’s about setting a healthy work/life balance. Get out there and perform your music! But don’t pressure yourself into feeling like you need to parlay it into a career. Play for fun on the weekends and as your experience and fan following grows, you may be able to make a living off it. But if you don’t, you can sure have fun doing it. You have your whole life ahead of you. You have not wasted any time. You’ll find the right path in time. Don’t feel like you need to know right now where that path will take you – that’s the joy of life. You just jump in and do what you gotta do and as you move through life you will be presented with new opportunities that may take you in a whole new direction. Go easy on yourself, friend. You can do this 🙂

This was eye-opening advice for me. Thank you so much for posting 🙂 I’ve been fighting myself for the past year and a half about my job not being my passion and how I’m wasting my life doing something that isn’t my passion. So refreshing to hear a different take on that!!

You sound like a sensitive person, like me. I had a similar situation when I was 22 (huge fight with egotistical friend, I moved away and worried incessantly about the lies she was spreading about me to friends in my old town). I finally just came to the conclusion that it really didn’t matter what others think about me. The truth is, you could be as close to perfect as possible and someone will still disapprove. You literally cannot base your self worth on someone else’s opinion. What makes them so holier than thou that they can dictate how you feel about yourself??

Losing a friend is hard, but I will tell you that anyone who acts that way is lashing out for a reason. Jealousy, emptiness, who knows what she is feeling inside, but it’s definitely not a reflection of you in any way. It’s a reflection of her lacking something in her life. People don’t behave that way because of something YOU did to them, they behave that way because they choose to.

Congratulations on getting into school! What a huge accomplishment. College changes a lot of things about you. I know when I went to college I was fairly certain of who I was, and four years later I was a completely different person (with completely different friends, by the way) and it was OKAY! It’s normal to be a little scared of the unknown, and change usually does make people a little uneasy. But instead of fighting that fear and obsessing over it, I suggest you realize that it’s an adventure, and worrying about it and being afraid of the possibilities is just going to ruin your entire experience. You have to seek an open mind and open heart, especially when trying something new.

I know a lot of people on this site will have better advice for you, but I just wanted to post to let you know that things are okay, you are okay, and you are loved just as you are. You don’t have to be a certain way for anyone else. Just be yourself. And if you aren’t sure who that person is, just start exploring! I’m 26 and still clueless. It’s okay! We don’t have to have everything figured out.

Hang in there and keep putting yourself out there for opportunities. I’ve found that when you emit positivity, positive things will come to you. I know that college sets people up to expect that things will be great and easy and wonderful but the job market is tough right now. Just remember you are still VERY young, you DO have a bright future ahead of you and things will get better. I know it’s easy to think time is slipping away and you’re missing your chance at life but I’m finding that it’s a common thing for 20-somethings to feel that way. I’m 26 and I feel that way all the time…I have a job but it’s certainly not my passion in life and I feel like I haven’t even begun the path I thought I was setting out on after college!

I struggle with being passive aggressive in an attempt to manipulate people’s responses to me. I want to really focus on being straightforward with my feelings and see how that affects my relationships. 🙂

Zita, I seriously could have written your initial post myself. I was in a very, very similar relationship for 3 years and it ended very much the same way, long-distance, phone call. Another girl in the picture. I had spent 3 years fighting, dealing with abuse (physical and emotional) and being told I wasn’t good enough to marry, that he loved me but didn’t want to marry me, couldn’t see us together in the future, etc. Extremely hurtful things, and my self-esteem was already seriously low. I was definitely co-dependent on him and even three years after the break-up, the sight or even thought of him with that girl he left me for would make me literally want to throw up. I blamed myself, thought it was my shortcomings and things about myself that I can’t change (the way I look, the things I like to do, etc) that made him leave.

Fast forward 5 years and I am with a loving kind and supportive man who loves me for EXACTLY WHO I AM. I still don’t fully believe it because it has been so engrained in my brain that I am unworthy of love, I am not good enough, that I am a burden for him, etc. I’m working on it, I’ve come an awfully long way. At least most of the time I can now see my ex for what he was, a very insecure and emotionally undeveloped person who was unable to love me because he was and still is unable to love himself. It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t make him leave because I was horrible. He chose to leave because he was scared of commitment..and still is. He is exactly the same person now as he was then (I recently reconnected with him on a friendly level).

I guess the point of my post is to let you know you’ll get through this. He won’t have control over your emotions forever. You will be okay. 🙂

Amanda,
You’ve gotten some great responses so far. I just wanted to add that you are definitely not the only one feeling this way. I just had a good three weeks of “bliss” where I was positive, had energy and was able to enjoy my life. Now I can feel the negativity and depression coming back in and I honestly am terrified because I don’t want to feel like crap again, I kind of like being “normal”. The thing is, the more you resist those feelings the stronger they become. I would say to breathe through your negative thoughts, repeat a calming mantra (mine is “All is well, right here, right now.”), and recognize that nothing is permanent…your negativity is not back to stay. It will go away and you will feel calm and happy again.

I often feel lost and useless in this world, too. It’s a conditioned response, I think, after years of being slave to negativity, anxiety and depression. Once you change your thinking and feel like you’ve defeated the negativity, it may come back full force and make you feel like you’ve failed and nothing is okay. Just believe and trust that your thoughts do not always reflect reality..in fact, mine usually don’t! They constantly lean towards making me feel worthless, alone and never going to get better, but that’s simply not true. You have proven that by the great progress you’ve made in the last year! Don’t let this bump in the road drag you back down to that dark place.

Truth is, you are loved, cherished, and special. You are here on this Earth for a reason that may never be fully clear to you, but you must trust in that. And even though you’re down right now, you will come up again. It’s inevitable 🙂