Dear Anita,

So happy Kooper has made himself at home:) Dogs make everything better.

Very wise wisdom regarding the “love” feeling.  Not really obsessing more wondering if I should say anything. I think not at this point. We cannot take back things we say in the moment.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

I would definitely get one of those beagles if I lived in your area. Bugs would have a buddy LOL.  Busy Monday but same old same old.  Going to get a pedicure in about 30 minutes- can’t wait they are my favorite.  How is your Monday? You should get one of the Beagles in my opinion. (keep me posted).

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

Try microwaving cut up pieces of hot dog until the pieces are hard. Make a trail leading into your house?  Also peanut butter and a toy? Keep me posted with Mr Kooper the Beagle.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

I have been meaning to message you all week.  It has been very hectic with work and mostly home. I had 2 days of arguing and conflict with Jon but I have set up tutoring for Ella at Sylvan learning center.  She completed an assessment last week and is reading at a 3rd grade level. (she is in 5th grade).  Her teacher stated she is in the 30% for her grade.  It has been a nightmare.  At first Jon did not want to enroll her in tutoring.  He went back and forth from not having the money to her sticking with 1 day a week tutoring at his house and then all of this was his recommendation and that I should have set all of this up way before now.

As of this morning I have set up a payment plan with him paying for half monthly.  I had her set up for Tuesday & Thursdays from 6-7pm and Saturdays 10-12pm.  We would have started this Saturday.  He already texted me this morning saying Ella could not attend because they are going out of town this Saturday  So now I am calling Sylvan and changing her schedule to attend tutoring on my days only.  I think that in an effort to control some part of everything Jon is changing or cancelling appointments at the last minute.

I am trying to get involved in more committee’s at work. ( requesting to be a member of our mentoring program, Diversity & Inclusion, and Engagements with community service)  I am struggling with other employees on my team and in my department having poor work quality but continued to move up (all of them around 30)

All is good with Jason.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

I’m very sure the haircut was intentional.  This would be  another example to her stepping over a boundary and being disrepectful to myself and Ella. She would not appreciate me taking her son Brayden to get his haircut and make drastic changes without checking with me first.  I am unsure how to address the situation.

I have also AGAIN been reactive with my ex. Basically I am being borderline abusive verbally.  I’ve got to make the proper changes I need to make but it is extremely hard b/c my improvements are not consistent.  Here is an example of how I feel. My punishment is making the wrong life decision .

“The Greek myth that is associated with the punishment of rolling a stone uphill is the myth of Sisyphus, originally told by the Greek poet Homer.  The story of Sisyphus and his punishment of having to endlessly roll a boulder up a hill, only to have it roll back down again, has become an analogy for the endless toil of modern life.”

So about the body image.  I would say that it started while I was a teenager. I believe it was a combination of needing control over something in my life and also being insecure about myself and my body.  Back in the 90’s it was very different- this generation supports women of all sizes and celebrates differences.  So as the years went by I would overeat, binge, not eat- there would be cycles.  Eventually for the most part I stopped with the behaviors.  Now I am just uncomfortable in my own skin.  Body dysmorphia? I do not see in the mirror what other people see.  After having my son and seeing negative changes in my body things have declined.  I do not take off my clothes with the lights on with Jason.  I’m not comfortable with him seeing anything.

Lindsey

Dear Anita

Had time to process things and here is what I have come up with.

1. I’m not ready to meet his children or his mother (father is out of the picture. Mother lives in Chicago (3 hours away and sisters live out of state)  He does not have close relationship with them. I have meet one of his friends.  He does not seem to have many friends that he goes off with.  He is going on a trip at the end of the both with friends golfing but they all live out of state.

2. I was putting more importance on him wanting to meet my kids because it would make me feel good.

3. He did not ask for the $250 when I went over to his home last night- a plus for sure.  I am going to start cooking dinner more and encouraging him to cook dinner versus going out.  I am not going to offer to pay for things as much.  Really I am in charge of my actions financial wise.

4. I deleted my social media.  I discussed with him and think that the photos of our trip are personal.  I do not think I was posting for the right reasons. Hard to admit while writing but I was wanting to show off I had a boyfriend and went on a trip maybe for my ex to find out.  He agreed that the photos were very personal which is why he does not post much on facebook.

5. We both agreed that the stress from our ex has an impact on us emotionally and can be draining.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

Regarding the pot gummies it bothered me that he took them on the hike. He was not “there” so to speak during most of the hike. He was in an altered state. It did bother me to a lesser degree that he kept asking me.

I do not support drug use. He is 44 and if that’s what he choses to do on his own time then that is fine since we do not live together. Just do not do it around me and I would rather not hear details of his upcoming golf trip and the cocaine, pot and whatever else he and his friends will do during the trip.

My body image issue only effect me personally.  They really do not have anything to do with Jason and dating me. I did not bring a swim suit on purpose to the trip.  We went to the lake after the hike and he got in the lake. I kept my workout clothes on.  It seems to not be an issue with I go to the pool with my kids.  Maybe it was because of my mind frame at that time? I know other men like the way I look but I don’t.

Lindsey

Dear Anita

I am seeing Jason tonight at his home. I am not sure what to say about these issues. Knowing his personality he will listen but I think his thoughts are “I like things how they currently are.” We do show pictures of our kids to each other and talk about them. His facebook contains pictures of him and his family only.  He shared that he has never posted a picture of himself and someone else he is dating (he did post 1 picture of us on a hike in May but I brought it up).  He is more of a private person.

I agree with you about the billing for half of the dating expenses but I’m not sure how that works or how much/when I should pay.  He did not press for the $250 yesterday when I asked about it- he may not at all.  I think he knew the cottage was not great.

I do have a problem with him taking pot gummies during the hiking trip.  He pressed me to take one and I said no.  When he asked multiple times my answer of no was assertive and probably annoyed sounding and he didn’t ask again.

In addition – i guess this would be a side note not related- I have serious body image issues.  We were at the lake during and after the hike on Saturday and there were a few women that looked really good in bathing suits.  While I didn’t think about him looking at the women or being jealous that he was looking I continued to feel bad about myself. I typically do not study my body in the mirror and  avoid the mirror if I am not wearing clothes.  This has always been an issue of mine and has gotten worse as I’ve gotten older and had children- I’m 43.  There are all those self-help and self-esteems books etc on that everywhere and they don’t make a difference.

Lindsey