Dear Anita,

I finished my dresser and painted my wall.  It’s looking good so far-  The summer is not too hot here in Illinois in my opinion.

So I gave Jason COVID. Ouch. We were both pretty sick but it could have been worse.  My kids were in Florida during my sickness and I was fine when they flew in.  I saw Jason a little but we were both under the weather.  I’ll see him on Monday evening.

So far everything is fine. I feel that I am quick to tell my ex off for lack of a better word when he gets rude to me.  I guess I should turn the other cheek or ignore him.  The thing is I don’t want to and I don’t get upset – it feels good to say these things to him.

Lindsey

Anita,

Hope you had a great 4th of July!  I was at the beach with my family from July 2nd to the 5th. The fireworks were very good- probably the best I have seen.  The trip was fun- my mom did get on my nerves but I made sure to keep an even keel with everyone- her and my dad paid for the trip and are dealing with my sister and her dead beat boyfriend.

I got back late Tuesday night and was playing catch-up at work yesterday.

Things are great with Jason- he picked me up from the airport Tuesday night and this weekend is our weekend I guess you could label – with no kids.

My level of anxiety is currently a 2 out of 10.  I did have some anxiety last week- more of an overwhelming feeling of things I needed to do- but it resolved by the time I got on the plane.  I started to get extreme anxiety when my son was born almost 9 years ago- The days seem to fly by now.  My thoughts are on what I am doing in the moment.  My brain just does not go into worry mode. I feel so much better and I wish I would have thought of this med combination years ago.  It is hard not to look back and wish I had done things different.

The Lamitcal I am taking really seems to keep me focused and alert so I do not feel tired and foggy- I was only on the Lexapro from 2004 to 2009 and had this side effect.

I hope all is well- not much to report here besides I am keeping no contact with my ex as much as possible.  I do not use the parenting app unless absolutely necessary.  In the past the biggest issue was scheduling pick up/drop offs for the kids with sporting events.  My schedule changed from 9- 5:30 to 8:30 to 5 recently which will help with future transportation.  My plan is to do my best with transportation- if the kids are late I’m trying my best- if he wants to assist with getting them places he can- he  signs them up for sports and never gives a heads up or details of what future schedules with look like and a plan for transportation.

This has caused a lot of issues in the past- stress and frustration- best to avoid as much as possible. Will not ask for assistance- he is aware of my work schedule and that I get off at 5pm.

Lindsey

Lindsey

Anita,

Yes in the past Lexapro did mute wanted tension.  For example on a scale of 1-10 the tension felt/feels like a 5 out of 10.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

He is a cool guy.  I don’t know really what I’m doing. My book is supposed to come in today.

Lindsey

Anita,

He responded that he didn’t think I was strange just that my behavior was strange. He then made a joke saying I looked like someone had taken candy away from me.

He was at work and busy so I don’t know if he will say anything else about it. I’m not too happy with the response but we are messaging and we both are working.

At first after reading I thought maybe I over reacted. But no- I don’t think I did at all- I voiced my concerns and said what I needed from him.   I’ve said this before to you… I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.

Lindsey

Jason,

I’m sensitive to words like strange, odd, weird even when friends, family etc say it.  I don’t think you fully understood my behavior Sunday night after you said “no sex tonight”  I was confused as to if you were kidding at first.  You seemed off all day so I wasn’t sure how to take what you said.  I know you said you were tired.

I’ve said this before – I know my anxiety takes a toll and effects everyone around me.  It’s hard for me to sit back and see if people will deal with it or just slowly stop interacting with me.  I haven’t dated anyone longer than 6 months before I was married.  I think now it has to do with how I acted a week or so ago.  Only now anxiety is added to the mix.  It’s really a never ending cycle and very hard to just sit back and see it happen over and over again.

Lindsey

Dear Anita,

I am continuing to research the info you provided. My mother sent info on a really good book to everyone in the family regarding mental illness (I don’t recall the name offhand)  My sister said it is one of the best books on mental illness & my mother said it was such an eye opener.

I have been thinking about my behavior with my relationship and as I have said before many times that I am very unhappy with my anxiety.  I’m also a bit annoyed that Jason referred to my behavior as “strange” when he did not want to get intimate.  When he said “no sex tonight” and I questioned him about it he never responded- he just looked at me and smiled and gave me a hug. I was very confused as to why he did not further explain – I would think he could tell I had anxiety and in my opinion could have discussed it with me that night.  Also saying “no sex tonight” my impression of his wording was something you would tell a child “no snack tonight, no TV tonight”

I want to address with him terming my behavior as “strange” I am sensitive to comments from anyone that I am strange – odd- weird, etc.  The more I think about the incident the more frustrated I get.  I am trying to set back and process my thoughts without sending anything impulsively.

Lindsey