Home→Forums→Emotional Mastery→Am I codependent? I feel awful
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anita.
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June 14, 2022 at 1:35 pm #402426
lindseyParticipantAnita,
He responded that he didn’t think I was strange just that my behavior was strange. He then made a joke saying I looked like someone had taken candy away from me.
He was at work and busy so I don’t know if he will say anything else about it. I’m not too happy with the response but we are messaging and we both are working.
At first after reading I thought maybe I over reacted. But no- I don’t think I did at all- I voiced my concerns and said what I needed from him. I’ve said this before to you… I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.
Lindsey
June 14, 2022 at 1:55 pm #402427
anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
I think that his response was fine, given that he is busy at work. It’s understandable that his response was not complete. What’s missing in his response is the part where he tells you that he will no longer call you- or your behavior- strange.
“I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it” – I think that what’ missing (I am getting deep here, so bear with me) is within you: the feeling that everything is okay, that life is, or is just about to become beautiful and wonderful forevermore… that long gone feeling we once had as children, at times (?)
It was missing in me until I figured it will always be missing because it’s a childhood fantasy and I can’t bring that feeling back.
anita
June 14, 2022 at 2:23 pm #402428lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
Yes I agree that the strange behavior response is missing. I’m not sure if he will address it or not but my feeling about the comment was heard. I don’t think he is the type of person to apologize very much. The response I was looking for was “sorry the comment made you feel that way. I didn’t mean it…etc) But I’ve learned from you that our expectations are not reality.
I think you may have a point about childhood fantasy.
Lindsey
June 14, 2022 at 2:45 pm #402429anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
“I don’t think he is the type to apologize very much” – I don’t blame him for not apologizing VERY MUCH because there are women who get hooked on a man’s apologies, never satisfied for long, ending up with a perpetually apologizing man and a chronically dissatisfied woman– a miserable life for him… and for her.
Jason sounds to me like a pretty cool guy, for a real guy (not a Fantasy guy)!
anita
June 15, 2022 at 11:57 am #402464lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
He is a cool guy. I don’t know really what I’m doing. My book is supposed to come in today.
Lindsey
June 15, 2022 at 1:31 pm #402480anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
He is a cool guy, and you are a cool gal, so… you’re both cool! I hope you like the book. Please let me know what you get out of it, after you read some of it.
anita
June 21, 2022 at 9:28 am #402865lindseyParticipantDear Anita,
Happy Tuesday to you. The name of the book is called “Your Mental Mess” by Dr. Caroline Leaf. I have only read the 1st chapter so I will keep you posted. So far it’s about retraining your brain- the interesting part is that the thoughts we have are not termed as “faulty” or “negative.” They are just thoughts that people may need to adjust to help them. I am, in- office this week and I’m also redecorating my room so busy busy.
I also got an anxiety coloring book and it’s been useful.
Since I got off of the Vibyrid- last Wednesday? My hands used to shake (tremor) and now steady. At times I realize I have only been concentrating on the task at hand- work- kids- cleaning- there are not intrusive thoughts while I’m working on the current task. I kind of panicked a few days ago because I couldn’t remember the last time I panicked about something LOL. The best description I can come up with is this – visualize a blank canvas. The artist has the canvas slightly tilted down and he is pouring thick paint down the canvas. Eventually the thick paint has completely covered the canvas.
That’s what the lexapro seems to be doing. Jason stated he can tell I seem more relaxed in general.
The downside (which I remember) is that when things feel less…intense… so do aspects of intimacy. Currently this side effect seems minor based on how much better I am feeling. When I was on the lexapro by itself I was extremely tired to the point of being foggy and making mistakes/being forgetful.
Lindsey
June 21, 2022 at 10:15 am #402866anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
Happy Tuesday back to you. I googled the title of the book, the complete title is “Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess” (cleaning up is in small print). Here is a quote I like: “You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light” – she repeatedly states (judging by other quotes I read) that understanding the cause/ origin of our anxiety and depression and what’s the message behind them (bringing them into the light) is needed if we are to lessen and manage both.
“So far it’s about retraining your brain- the interesting part is that the thoughts we have are not termed as ‘faulty’ or ‘negative.’ They are just thoughts” – yes, it is very important to not judge our thoughts or feelings as being good or bad, right or wrong. It is the judging of what we often can’t control (thoughts just happen, feelings just happen) that cause us a lot of distress.
“I also got an anxiety coloring book and it’s been useful” – yes, I’ve seen people coloring as a way to calm anxiety/ stress.
Good thing you are feeling better with Lexapro and that your hands stopped shaking!
“Eventually the thick paint has completely covered the canvas. That’s what the Lexapro seems to be doing. Jason stated he can tell I seem more relaxed in general. The downside (which I remember) is that when things feel less…intense… so do aspects of intimacy. Currently this side effect seems minor based on how much better I am feeling” –
– by the thick paint imagery in regard to what Lexapro does for you, I understand that you mean that it covers your unwanted tension (anxiety, panic, worry) like thick paint covers canvas, muting your unwanted tensions; but in the past Lexapro, like thick paint, also covered and muted your wanted tension (sexual tension)?
anita
June 21, 2022 at 11:10 am #402870lindseyParticipantAnita,
Yes in the past Lexapro did mute wanted tension. For example on a scale of 1-10 the tension felt/feels like a 5 out of 10.
Lindsey
June 21, 2022 at 11:17 am #402871anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
How about the muting of unwanted tension, on a scale of 1-10?
anita
June 21, 2022 at 12:39 pm #402872lindseyParticipantAnita,
The muting on unwanted tension- 10 out of 10.
June 21, 2022 at 12:43 pm #402873anitaParticipantDear Lindsey:
Then Lexapro is a definite winner, muting unwanted tension 10 out of ten vs muting wanted tension 5 out of 10!
anita
July 2, 2022 at 2:07 pm #403390anitaParticipantI hope you are having a good weekend, Lindsey. Maybe I’ll hear about it Monday!
anita
July 4, 2022 at 1:49 pm #403456anitaParticipantI forgot on Sat, when I posted to you last, that Monday (today) would be 4th of July. I imagine you are at the pool with your kids, or otherwise having fun- Happy 4th, Lindsey!!!
anita
July 7, 2022 at 11:00 am #403561lindseyParticipantAnita,
Hope you had a great 4th of July! I was at the beach with my family from July 2nd to the 5th. The fireworks were very good- probably the best I have seen. The trip was fun- my mom did get on my nerves but I made sure to keep an even keel with everyone- her and my dad paid for the trip and are dealing with my sister and her dead beat boyfriend.
I got back late Tuesday night and was playing catch-up at work yesterday.
Things are great with Jason- he picked me up from the airport Tuesday night and this weekend is our weekend I guess you could label – with no kids.
My level of anxiety is currently a 2 out of 10. I did have some anxiety last week- more of an overwhelming feeling of things I needed to do- but it resolved by the time I got on the plane. I started to get extreme anxiety when my son was born almost 9 years ago- The days seem to fly by now. My thoughts are on what I am doing in the moment. My brain just does not go into worry mode. I feel so much better and I wish I would have thought of this med combination years ago. It is hard not to look back and wish I had done things different.
The Lamitcal I am taking really seems to keep me focused and alert so I do not feel tired and foggy- I was only on the Lexapro from 2004 to 2009 and had this side effect.
I hope all is well- not much to report here besides I am keeping no contact with my ex as much as possible. I do not use the parenting app unless absolutely necessary. In the past the biggest issue was scheduling pick up/drop offs for the kids with sporting events. My schedule changed from 9- 5:30 to 8:30 to 5 recently which will help with future transportation. My plan is to do my best with transportation- if the kids are late I’m trying my best- if he wants to assist with getting them places he can- he signs them up for sports and never gives a heads up or details of what future schedules with look like and a plan for transportation.
This has caused a lot of issues in the past- stress and frustration- best to avoid as much as possible. Will not ask for assistance- he is aware of my work schedule and that I get off at 5pm.
Lindsey
Lindsey
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