Menu

Am I codependent? I feel awful

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryAm I codependent? I feel awful

New Reply
Viewing 12 posts - 361 through 372 (of 372 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #402426
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    He responded that he didn’t think I was strange just that my behavior was strange. He then made a joke saying I looked like someone had taken candy away from me.

    He was at work and busy so I don’t know if he will say anything else about it. I’m not too happy with the response but we are messaging and we both are working.

    At first after reading I thought maybe I over reacted. But no- I don’t think I did at all- I voiced my concerns and said what I needed from him.   I’ve said this before to you… I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it.

    Lindsey

     

    #402427
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    I think that his response was fine, given that he is busy at work. It’s understandable that his response was not complete. What’s missing in his response is the part where he tells you that he will no longer call you- or your behavior- strange.

    “I just feel like something is missing and I can’t put my finger on it” – I think that what’ missing (I am getting deep here,  so bear with me) is within you: the feeling that everything is okay, that life is, or is just about to become beautiful and wonderful forevermore… that long gone feeling we once had as children, at times (?)

    It was missing in me until I figured it will always be missing because it’s a childhood fantasy and I can’t bring that feeling back.

    anita

    #402428
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Yes I agree that the strange behavior response is missing.   I’m not sure if he will address it or not but my feeling about the comment was heard.  I don’t think he is the type of person to apologize very much.  The response I was looking for was “sorry the comment made you feel that way. I didn’t mean it…etc)  But I’ve learned from you that our expectations are not reality.

    I think you may have a point about childhood fantasy.

    Lindsey

     

    #402429
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    “I don’t think he is the type to apologize very much” – I don’t blame him for not apologizing VERY MUCH because there are women who get hooked on a man’s apologies, never satisfied for long,  ending up with a perpetually apologizing man and a chronically dissatisfied woman– a miserable life for him… and for her.

    Jason sounds to me like a pretty cool guy, for a real guy (not  a Fantasy guy)!

    anita

    #402464
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    He is a cool guy.  I don’t know really what I’m doing. My book is supposed to come in today.

    Lindsey

    #402480
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    He is a cool guy, and you are a cool gal, so… you’re both cool! I hope you like the book. Please let me know what you get out of it, after you read some of it.

    anita

    #402865
    lindsey
    Participant

    Dear Anita,

    Happy Tuesday to you.  The name of the book is called “Your Mental Mess” by Dr. Caroline Leaf.  I have only read the 1st chapter so I will keep you posted. So far it’s about retraining your brain- the interesting part is that the thoughts we have are not termed as “faulty” or “negative.” They are just thoughts that people may need to adjust to help them.  I am, in- office this week and I’m also redecorating my room so busy busy.

    I also got an anxiety coloring book and it’s been useful.

    Since I got off of the Vibyrid- last Wednesday? My hands used to shake (tremor) and now steady.  At times I realize I have only been concentrating on the task at hand- work- kids- cleaning- there are not intrusive thoughts while I’m working on the current task.  I kind of panicked a few days ago because I couldn’t remember the last time I panicked about something LOL. The best description I can come up with is this – visualize a blank canvas. The artist has the canvas slightly tilted down and he is pouring thick paint down the canvas. Eventually the thick paint has completely covered the canvas.

    That’s what the lexapro seems to be doing.  Jason stated he can tell I seem more relaxed in general.

    The downside (which I remember) is that when things feel less…intense… so do aspects of intimacy.  Currently this side effect seems minor based on how much better I am feeling.  When I was on the lexapro by itself I was extremely tired to the point of being foggy and making mistakes/being forgetful.

    Lindsey

    #402866
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Happy Tuesday  back to you. I googled the title of the book, the complete title is “Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess” (cleaning up is in small print). Here is a quote I like: “You cannot defeat darkness by running from it, nor can you conquer your inner demons by hiding them from the world. In order to defeat the darkness, you must bring it into the light” – she repeatedly states (judging by other quotes I read) that understanding the cause/ origin of our anxiety and depression and what’s the message behind them (bringing them into the light) is needed if we are to lessen and manage both.

    So far it’s about retraining your brain- the interesting part is that the thoughts we have are not termed as ‘faulty’ or ‘negative.’ They are just thoughts” – yes, it is very important to not judge our thoughts or feelings as being good or bad, right or wrong. It is the judging of what we often can’t control (thoughts just happen, feelings just happen) that cause us a lot of distress.

    I also got an anxiety coloring book and it’s been useful” – yes, I’ve seen people coloring as a way to calm anxiety/ stress.

    Good thing you are feeling  better with Lexapro and that your hands stopped shaking!

    Eventually the thick paint has completely covered the canvas. That’s what the Lexapro seems to be doing.  Jason stated he can tell I seem more relaxed in general. The downside (which I remember) is that when things feel less…intense… so do aspects of intimacy.  Currently this side effect seems minor based on how much better I am feeling” –

    – by the thick paint imagery in regard to what Lexapro does for you, I understand that you mean that it covers your unwanted tension (anxiety, panic, worry) like thick paint covers canvas, muting your unwanted tensions; but in the past Lexapro, like thick paint, also covered and muted your wanted tension (sexual tension)?

    anita

    #402870
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    Yes in the past Lexapro did mute wanted tension.  For example on a scale of 1-10 the tension felt/feels like a 5 out of 10.

    Lindsey

    #402871
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    How about the muting of unwanted tension, on a scale of 1-10?

    anita

    #402872
    lindsey
    Participant

    Anita,

    The muting on unwanted tension- 10 out of 10.

    #402873
    anita
    Participant

    Dear Lindsey:

    Then Lexapro is a definite winner, muting unwanted tension 10 out of ten vs muting wanted tension 5 out of 10!

    anita

Viewing 12 posts - 361 through 372 (of 372 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.