Anita,

It’s hard to summarize but I’m going to try.  This was several texts and 2 phone calls.  The argument started because she sent a group text to me and my ex stating that she was disappointed in both of us and that we needed to work together and quit arguing for the kids.  I told her how wrong it was to send that text and her response was to hire a mediator and get everything on paper b/t me and the ex so we didn’t have to talk and I didn’t have to deal with  him.  I’m not doing that until I file for divorce and I will always have to talk to him in some manner.

One of my biggest complaints is she groups my ex and I together in the issues we are having and 80% of the problems come from him.  He is abusive and a narcissist.  So I told her she needs to be loyal to me I’m her daughter.  She is overly friendly and has no boundaries with my ex.  She puts the grandchildren first and the 3 of us are a package deal.  I’m trying my best with what I’ve got but there is an impact on the kids with this separation/divorce/arguing they have witnesses. Also she down plays the abuse stating I need to get over it and she has had it worse so has my dad growing up as a child.

The last phone call ended bad yesterday evening.  We have not talked since Easter when I called her crying that my ex had called me a bit*h in front of my daughter and I went home instead of going to Easter Brunch with them.  Her response was so what I’ve been called worse, don’t ruin my holiday like you ruin all of them.  She hung up on me when I said something like “that’s not how a mama acts, you’re not my mama.”

So at this point I’m just going to try to move forward with the counselor because things are not going to change and I need to accept it and work on my anger towards her.  We could have a mediator in the future maybe a family member.

Lindsey

Anita,

yes I agree he was irresponsible as a friend.  Did his text read to you that he was done and just being polite or that a casual future friendship was possible.

Lindsey

Anita,

He texted “hey! sorry I had huddle and then got into my que.  and ya is not that I don’t wanna talk to you. I also just don’t care to have to talk to someone constantly, it is selfish but I just don’t like when someone gets upset that I just do me, my own thing.  so I just well did me.”

and I replied:

“I don’t want to talk to you constantly that’s not it.  You doing your own thing takes some getting used to sorry but it does for me.  You literally go from talking all the time one day to barely talking speaking the next.  But it is what it is. no worries.

This exchange was between 11:30 and noon.  I don’t know if we will continue talking.  I’m not sending anything else.

Lindsey

Anita,

Yeah he never replied.  I’m really embarrassed.

Lindsey

Anita,

I already did.  I just sent a quick message saying we talked a lot and I don’t want to never talk again so if you need anything you can always message me.  Short, civil, either way I like what I sent.

Lindsey

Anita,

Trying to work through this morning while getting ready for work wanted to reach out to K in friendship as I miss the friendship very much…however, I know that there are aspects of him that were not good like his tendency to be moody and not talk.  I know that I will not reach out to him but I am just trying to work through missing talking with him.

I don’t understand how people can go from talking to someone several times a day, sharing private things, to just nothing the next day.  It’s hard for me to understand.  I do realize from a romantic standpoint he is not for me.  If I’m being honest, I can do better as for as maturity, age, etc.

My father shared with me this morning that my mother is planning on sitting down with me to talk about boundaries with the ex as she wants to have a relationship with me so this is good news.

Lindsey

Anita,

I definitely remembered my lesson with M.  I blocked some half hearted attempts last Tuesday evening with K and his odd behavior started Wednesday.  I believe there is a connection as you said but we are moving on.  I’m being a little over sensitive about this weekend and I agree he probably does not think much about it at all.  I’m feeling better as the afternoon rolls around.

I’ve made plans to go home in August with the kids to Florida where my parents live.  I can be civil with my mother.  I have not seen friends and family since Christmas.

Lindsey

Anita,

Right now I’m going to continue the no contact and talk with the counselor more about it.  I’d like to have some type of relationship with her.  I’m going to have to not be angry and accept how she thinks and views the situation and just try to be present mostly for the kids.  This is going to be way easier said than done.

Can you help me with not feeling embarrassed about K.  I just feel very foolish for allowing things to continue past the point they did.  I’m trying to use it as a learning experience being back in the dating world after so long but it’s really difficult.  He basically turned into another person overnight.

Lindsey