Dear Anita,

I hope you enjoyed your weekend. The weather was nice here in Bloomington on Saturday but yesterday it rained off and on.  Went biking on Saturday and ate at a really good breakfast restaurant on Sunday.

I think that I am well and called the doctor this am to see if I could switch my antidepressant from Vibyrid to Lexapro. I recall taking Lexapro for about 6 years from 2004 to 2011.  I had 0 anxiety but I was very tired all the time to the point where my brain was cloudy- very similar to the feeling of Xanax without any withdrawals or harmful side effects.

I believe I have a pattern of hoping my anxiety will go away eventually or that it’s getting better. I tend to make excuses and say I’m going to do better, not worry so much…giving excuses is taking it’s toll.

Yesterday Jason was very tired (he was on call for the weekend and received a midnight call but did not go in until 6am. He actually worked Saturday at 7am as well and was off around 11.) He also pretty much took everything out of one of his bathrooms- toilet, flooring, sink and is replacing/painting.

While I could tell his was tired my anxiety was saying he was off and I was examining little things. That night he stated that he did not want to get intimate and I felt like my reaction was weird- he termed it “strange” later on. He said I stood back and was like “what, why? etc.”

I am not happy with my behavior in general at times with my anxiety and attachment style. I have voiced to you many times about this and have had reactive thoughts of breaking things off with Jason.

I’m not happy with him terming my behavior as “strange.”  I also feel like he could have worded things different as going up to me and saying “no sex tonight” we actually half-heartedly did but I pressed.

I feel like a weirdo. That’s the best describing for me really.  I do not feel happy in my relationship.

Lindsey

Anita,

Maybe I should not change anything and keep moving forward. I do not think I will get the answers I am looking for. There are no answers about the future.

I am forgetting if I want how serious I want to take things in the future.  For me it will take time to really move forward. I think that I am disappointed that he did not say he felt really serious about me- reassurance needed?

Lindsey

Anita,

I hear what you are saying that is why I have not done anything.

There were not specific plans made for the future at all. We cleared up that currently we are not in love- the relationship is not at that level. Basically he said that he would not do all of the activities with me and not treat me the way he does it that was not true that he did not like me

I feel like he is missing my point. His theme is live in the now- he has not idea what he will want in the future.

Lindsey

Anita,

I feel that I am at a cross road as to continue this relationship.

Lindsey

Anita,

I hear what you are saying and I think that you are correct regarding having a good think with Jason currently.

As I started my day this morning this is what my thoughts/feelings are that I am trying to process.

#1 I do not feel happy with myself or  my thoughts of not being able to live in the moment and enjoy what I have in my life including a stable and happy relationship.

#2 I have been divorced over 2 years and all together including separation it would be since 2018.  Jason was not 100% honest or what ever you want to phrase it when we first started dating. While he and his ex were in divorce proceedings for the past 2 years she was living in the home and moved out 6 months prior to us starting to see each other.

#3 like he said he has only been officially divorced since a few weeks ago.  He tends to live in the moment and I also think about the future. For me and my personality I would not continue to be with someone unless I felt there was serious potential. Because to be 100% honest I believe that I am in the middle of 1-like   2- falling hard  and 3 in love.  I interpreted our conversation that none of that is on his radar.  I think about introducing him to the kids within a few months.

#4 since yesterday I feel that he has gone overboard with affection and it is embarassing.  I know that this is positive behaviors.

I feel that I had to “pull teeth” to get him to even post a picture on social media.

Lindsey

Anita,

Hope you had a good holiday weekend!  Jason and I went on a bike ride, movies, food etc all weekend. Very fun and relaxing-just great all around.

This morning at 11 (it’s 1:44pm now) we had our counseling session between my ex and I and the counselor. The beginning went well but then it went downhill when I mentioned that co-parenting should just be between of 2 of us and that there is a boundary issue with his finance Amy.  Things exccalated at that point. I mentioned her moving in at 3 months and the issues with Ella and Amy. He started lying about things to the point where I got really upset. At that point it was time for the counselor to speak with the kids. I said that I do not think a meeting like this should happen again. The counselor stated that we can individually do checks in’s with him.

In the beginning I made sure to focus on the kids with my purpose of counseling to make sure they are emotionally happy and healthy moving forward. I stated that I am only in control of what I do.

Then I was feeling very down and got a message from Jason that was sexual in nature. At that point I felt disappointed because I just need a hug and emotional support. We texted a few lines and I sent him a text saying “is there an emotional component with sex for you as well?”

We needed up talking on the phone.  I told him that although this is a bit irrational (which we both agreed is classic anxiety with the focus to be on the here and now) I have had thoughts that in 6 months, a year, whenever that if I say something about having us each met the kids he will say  “umm no I like where things are at now. ” There was additional talk but I can’t remember half of it. At one point he questioned what exactly I meant by emotional component. Apparently he may have questioned or just wanted to clear up if it meant love but I was like “uh NO” and we got on the same page then.  I spoke about the counseling session and how it went. I said that I worry that in the end he will not want to deal with my issues and will just get sick of it. He disagreed- then said he has only been divorced for a few weeks- which I said Exactly- that is part of my worry I have been divorced over 2 years and I am at a slightly different point in my life.

We ended things on a good note.  However, I can tell you that this is adding to my overall stress especially dealing with my ex which Jason and I touched on.  Although people have anxiety sometimes they are right. I know your response would be that wait and see what happens in the future.

That is definitely all anyone can do.  But I have issues with sex only being about sex. Why can’t it be more when you really like someone? Can’t that be shown? and I am telling you that I do not think he will want to move forward in say 6 months. He has only been divorced 6 months and who is ready to really settle down and move forward seriously?

Lindsey

Anita,

I did not think about that either. His daughter is 13 and son is 11. I know they both have cell phones and are on social media. That would make sense to me and when my kids are on social media I would do the same-  but he never mentioned that.  We are not at a point to introduce children. I’m 100% sure on my end anyway.

I agree that he just got offically divorced.  Why do you think none of this was mentioned? It does make sense and can be seen at a different angle from what he said.

Why do you think my feelings are hurt? Am I being too sensitive? He seems so eager to do things that are non related to social media.  I’m more of a participant for him with different things not social media related.

Lindsey