[quote quote=441788]Hello Lisa,

I wanted to let you know that I have been reading your thread (I am on page 19 now) and my heart is with you. I wanted to ask you: Do you think that these posts (from 2017 – 2018) are stil true for you? It has been many years and a lot may have changed in your life. That’s why I don’t want to write more now, because I am not sure if your thoughts from 2017 – 2018 you posted here are still relevant to you. I wouldn’t like to bring up something from the past which could upset you because it is not true anymore.

Hope you have a nice Saturday![/quote]

Jana,

Thank you and thank you also for taking the time to read my posts. I have grown a bit emotionally since 2017-2018 with help from various sources including this wonderful forum and web site. I still feel despair and resentment but I am better or more mature in some ways. I still feel overwhelmed emotionally often. I still can not find a way out..meaning I spend everyday thinking I am a failure with some days I can handle it and some days not. I also have a lot of resentment. So to answer your question I still feel trapped but I feel a little more mature. I still have the feeling that I have to “fix” myself that I have had since I was an adolescent.

Thank you again,
Lisa

Dear Anita, Thank you for wishing me a Merry Christmas. I hope your holidays were nice.

I live in a constant state of worry.
I have never felt secure.
Why can’t anyone’s advice cure me?
I dismiss all my therapists because they can not cure me.

Talking is helping and everyone who has tried to help me over the years has contributed to my being able to get by. No one can cure me though.

I want to feel secure and I never can.

No one cares about my limitations or my security.

I wish I could have a checklist of what I need to do to cure myself.

Lisa

Edit:

Thank you Anita for the lists of things to do. I really appreciate your help.

I wish I could respond to what you said afterwards, but I can not.

I am going back and forth this week and right now I have to get ready for work and I am frozen. I don’t want to go. I feel like I am not doing anything for my life. I don’t know what to do about the insanity going on in politics. In the next ten minutes I have to get up and get ready for work and I am dreading it. I feel like everything that I felt growing up has made it’s way into mainstream politics and women and men voted for the abuser. It’s been personally traumatizing for me as well as traumatizing as someone who believes in my country….and like the great puzzle that is my life I just don’t understand.

Work will be what it always is which is no comfort. I may not be able to respond until later as I do have to go to work.

Love is patient; Love is kind; Love is not envious or boastful or arrogant.

1 Corinthians 13: 4

I hope it’s ok to post this here. It really sums up how I feel about real love and I would just be repeating what it says anyway.

I am trying to give my interpretation of how I agree with the quote and I want to but struggling with the wording right now…

Thank you for your response also on the 17th Anita. I am glad to hear that you are not “alone.”

I want to bring this topic back up because it is more appropriate for me and I was right the first time.

I have never felt more rejected as a person, put down or alone in my life than I do right now.

Hi! Just posting to check in and say I am grateful for all the help I have received in this forum. Thank you Anita and others who have responded and thank you Gregory for following my threads. I like to know that Anita’s words to me are helping others.

Just checking in…I have felt that I would just go on and on everyday like I did in the beginning if I posted everyday. I am better than I was in a lot of ways and thank everyone for helping me to get there. I will try to post more.

Lisa

Hi Anita! So glad to know you are back! Hope you are well.

I am doing better than I have been since coming on to this forum. Not great but much better than the despair I have felt.

I would like to post again but right now just want to thank you and everyone else who have helped me on this forum. Thank you all so much. ❤️
<p style=”text-align: right;”>Posting soon! Have a great day! 😊</p>