theres alot more conversation that went on between us, i also told him that he needs to consider ending things and realise that im going to move on. i dont feel i am suited to fix his problems i agree, my aim always was too get to the bottom of the issue and help him discover why he has lost his way, he even mentioned feeling bored of his training. and because i know him well, i know that there is something very wrong with him if his doubting his career. He has become weak and sensitive to lifes shortfalls and that isnt the guy i met. I go through my day without bothering or thinking about him too much, i dont reach out to him unless i need to. Today after he atleast recognized his loss of masculinity he went to the gym and shared how motivated he feels and how he never realized how he has lost his masculinity. Hes low drive, low motivation and increase in stress is all symptoms of a man who neglects his masculine energy. And this may not be the only thing he needs to work on but his willingness to work through this with me is enough for me to be patient. I am focusing on myself while he gets his life and priorities together. He originally thought it had something to do with our relationship that made him this way but now that he looks deeper he has realized that his mess is caused by his own neglect. His lust was due to low self asteem but he never acted on it. He has too much respect for me to actually cheat. theres so much to our dynamic that its not as simple to just break up. Nobody is perfect and clearly both our childhood trauma has significantly damaged to both of us. We trust each other more than we trust anyone else. We both strong individuals who cant seem to just walk away from what we have. He doesnt cling onto women when his unhappy. Hes career currently isnt benefiting him much and he isnt motivated by his training anymore. I cant fix his depression and i am going to suggest he gets help from his psychiatrist. He is looking for answers and he keeps a brave face infront of his friends and our familys.

He said he doesn’t like that he’s dependant on me and that he doesn’t feel like he’s own man, he also said he doesn’t feel like he’s balsy self that takes what he wants and dominates relentlessly.

He said he needs to be alone and be ruthless.

He thinks this is going to help him fix his issues and feelings of being incompetent and dependant.

Hi

So i finally told him to make a decision and i told him that whatever he decides and if he needs me to move out ill make a plan. And hes response was ” i dont need you to go anywhere, i do feel like i want to be single though but we can work towards something better but for now we can keep things the way they are”

i definitely have no idea what that means, but i do recall him having that conversation with his brother “” Its like when you get into a relationship you open yourself up more and more and then you reach a peak point and its like you reach a barrier that you cant seem to cross, its like you cant give that part of yourself. And you can keep going through this cycle, whether its with the current girlfriend or the next girl or the next girl, it will keep happening if you don’t get to the route of the problem within yourself, you just got to keep working and with time you’ll overcome that limit “. So him telling me he feels like being single but every part of his actions still shows he loves and cares for me it kind of makes sense what he was talking about that barrier where he cant seem to give that part of himself. So if we reflect back on his childhood of inconsistency, abandonment, trust issue, and being hurt time and time again by his mother, that might have caused this emotional block in his life that tells him to push her away before she hurts and abandons you.. and its probably not something hes conscious of… its comes in a form of anxiety and panic. If i remember correctly the thing that sparked this break was me mentioning all that im unhappy with in the relationship and practically told him his failling and pointed out all that he is slacking on, now if i looked at his mother and how he treated him, she use to lash out or kick him out, and punish him if he did anything wrong and sometimes he doesnt even fully understand what he did wrong because she would make stuff up or over react. Its brings peace to my heart seeing the puzzle come together and can atleast try and help him, im hoping he is willing to open up and seek for answers. I know he doesnt want me to give up on him, but he also is afraid of disappointing me and that makes him want to push me away. He knows our relationship is whats best for him, a single life is not going to bring him anywhere but take him steps back in life. Me making him feel like failure and being clingy has made him want the single life of no responsibilities nor feeling like he will disappoint or fail anyone. Hes fears losing me but pushes me away cause he thinks im going to abandon him like his mom.

i do believe his mom issue isnt something that is going to go away, and yes i do think part of our break has something to do with his childhood.

His eyes didnt wonder as much before the break, he would do anything to avoid making me uncomfortable or question his loyalty, he practically trained himself to be disciplined in that way. As he also taught me what IOI’s (indicators of interest) are which i didnt know before him and i unknowingly would give off IOI’s around certain men but only my boyfriend would notice it. He use to get very hurt and angry when he’d see me make these mistakes and eventually i learned how to control the indicators of attraction towards other guys and he did the same towards women. But now during the break he doesnt really care anymore and he speaks to women and makes eye contact which was a huge change for me because he would have been furious in the past if i had done what he is doing now which is opening a line of communication that could lead to attraction.

But it seems as time goes by and the more he sees guys drawn to me and looking to get my attention, the more it bothers him and he tells me whats going on in the guys head or attempts to belittle them so that i wont be interested in them, so the more he sees this the more he wants to win me over in a sense and he also stopped being as secretive when he noticed other guys want me. When he felt safe in doing what he wants to do he was secretive and probably connecting with other females but now that men are getting closer to me he suddenly changes his behavior and doesnt want me to sense any unfaithful behavior from him cause he knows we on a break and he will have no power if i meet a guy that makes me happier than he does. I have no desire to connect with other guys although i do see their attraction for me, but i also dont want my boyfriend to think he can keep this up and he will never lose me.

Everyone still thinks we dating and we keep that image out there, him and i practically continue our day to day life with the elephant in the room and allow our natural connection to flow. We are naturally drawn to each other, so we cuddle, we play, we chat and laugh endlessly and we have sex when the mood strikes( our sex life has always been amazing, as we always look for new ways to please each other) so everything usually goes well but when he seems emotionally absent i usually give him his space and do my own thing, but when i seem distant or quiet he becomes concerned and if i refuse to open up or pretend nothing wrong he usually gives me space and waits for me to come to him.

Yes i do feel that this break is going on much longer than necessary, especially when he still calls me his girlfriend. Seeks affection and does things for me like my boyfriend. He very much wants to make improvements and he needed to make a massive change. We have been having conversations about things that allow me to see a bit of what is going on in his head and i feel he is slowly getting his duck in a row. He does care about me but he needs to improve as a person, he is very lazy and struggles to stay motivated. being in a relationship and living with me as opened his eyes to how much he lacks as a man. He sucks and picking up after himself and cleaning, he is at times ill disciplined and skips training or cancels on plans. He use to be this spontaneous unique individual and he eventually became an average lazy guy that cant take responsibility for his crap. So him being a little tougher and emotionally distant at times is necessary for his growth and keeps him disciplined. He is a very caring guy but his fight persona is of a ruthless rebel nature and he is aware that if he doesnt give it his all he will never be a success and reach his dreams and goals, he loves me and his training is so hard and difficult for him to stay motivated and focused, loving me made him crave a normal life and made him not see all the pain and training worth it anymore, which is bad and so now he is day by day figuring out a balance between caring for me as his girlfriend and also remain focused and tunnel vision for success. As his woman i need to either rise to the occasion and support him in finding himself or i give up on him and find someone else. He pushed me away in the beginning because he hates seeing me hurt or disappointed in him and he knew if he gave in he would change his mind about making this life change. As stressful as loving him is,  i feel it is worth the wait because i know the good hearted guy that he is, his own parents abandoned him and i want to show him that thats not real love and i will never do that to him. But i do plan on speaking to him when the time is right to call off the break.

That has been my concern as well, i truly want him to get everything his heart desires and even if that means giving him space at times but i also need to be loved and cherished and i feel i am giving so much of myself during this break. its a heavy burden to carry on my heart day to day while he pretends nothings wrong. Im afraid to bring up a conversation about our relationship because it might make him anxious and push me away. That weekend while he was away but still texted me he said “we still do everything like we in a relationship” and thats when i told him he needs to make a decision and he just agreed that it is tough and thanked me for being patient while he figures his crap out. He then video called me and continued to text me that weekend. when he got back he brought me little gifts that he knows i would admire. And he looked happy to see me although i acted very neutral and unfazed. He wants the drastic change but everything in his life is dependent on his home and the teamwork between the 2 of us. He is now obviously associated with other women and although its business relationships. I know there will be attraction. Which also emotionally abuses me and leaves me insecure. I noticed that he cleared his texts with his massage therapist, and although the recent back and forth conversation seems to be pretty neutral and professional i couldn’t understand why he would remove the texts because he never clears his texts. I never go through his phone, this is just what i saw when he was texting her regarding his knee injury and scheduling a physio appointment. The only reason i have suspicion around her is because while i was at the gym, he went for a massage in the other room and the whole time i could hear thier conversation and them laughing and giggling, the tone of their voices also made me feel very uneasy but i never told him that because we are on a break. As for the Brand Building lady that he has now partnered with, she always stared at him and wanted to make conversation, we came home one day and he felt he wanted to share his business with her to me but i really felt so uneasy i didnt want to hear about these other women but i didnt want to show signs of jealousy so i let him tell me and then afterwards he started making fun of her eyes and i told him im not interested in hearing about her eyes but he continued to laugh and talk about it, i brushed it off like talking about her eyes arent beneficial to me. I need to at some point stand up for myself and tell him that i cant keep taking care of him like a girlfriend if he wants to continues this break.

My dreams still stands, him and i both rely on our foundation that we created to pursue our life dreams. we both didnt come from healthy reliable parents so us falling inlove and making one of our dreams come true(living together) has been the best for us until he had this break down. He and I are perfect because we balance each other out. He still mentions today how awesome it is to live where we live and how cool it is for us to be out on our own. He just needs some growing to do and that what im letting him do. He started getting very serious about our relationship and at the same time he was pursuing his career, but the loss and financial stress gets to him deeply and us starting to argue about things we never usually argue about became too much and he just needed space.