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May 31, 2023 at 6:02 pm in reply to: Struggling to Find My Way: A Reflection on the Past Year #419528
@Peter I appreciate the practical steps you took to keep moving forward, such as seeking therapy and taking up ballroom dancing. It’s fascinating how dance can offer a mirror to our inner selves and teach us valuable lessons about resilience and self-expression. I think I’ll look into these steps myself when I am a little bit more secure financially. The excerpt from Philip Simmons’ book beautifully captures the metaphor of falling and its transformative potential. The idea of falling away from ego and embracing humility, compassion, and the sacred resonates deeply. It’s a powerful reminder to myself to embrace vulnerability and find grace in the midst of life’s challenges. It’s often hard in the midst of the noise, but I am taking it one day at a time.
Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope to approach my current life’s disruptions with curiosity and a willingness to learn and grow. – or learn to.May 31, 2023 at 5:53 pm in reply to: Struggling to Find My Way: A Reflection on the Past Year #419527
@Helcat, I have been feeling pretty numb emotionally. There are moments of sadness,, but I am typically at 5 on a given scale of happiness. I moved in with my parents for income purposes and saved enough money for a month of bills (June only). I decided today I that I should apply for another low-effort job for the time being, hopefully with a little more income- I am still applying for jobs relevant to my Masters degree. I will keep the networking suggestion in mind.
Thanks, Anita – I think reading your feedback and thinking about the relationship objectively, I should let it go. He may have been a good guy, but I do agree with your statement, “Sad goes away, Herpes stays, (2) If I were you, I wouldn’t consider partnering with a man who has HSV-2, but only if he was a good man who wanted to be with me for life.” The HSV was not a problem for me or a done deal because the goal was not to jump on him, lol, as I am in a place where character, kindness, and getting to know a person means more. I think I’ve come far in terms of my self-esteem since 2018. However, I know I have a long way to go. I need to work on my sense of safety and grounding within myself – I believe in the past I would have immediately thrown myself at him, lol, or honestly would have found him “boring” because I wasn’t feeling the flutters around him. But overall, I do agree with everything you’ve said – he’s not perfect – or not in alignment with what I need, and I think moving on knowing that there are people like him in the world -without HSV, lmao is what gives me hope moving forward.
Thank you. All this is true I should definitely prioritize my own happiness before waiting for someone to see me the same way I see them.
In addition to this, he did say he was like this with everything, and everyone in his life. Passive, that he did not talk to anyone as much as me, or entertain anyone else other than me… but it has felt like I have been the only reason why all those things are true. so far…
we discussed this when we reconciled last month. He said that he was not actively pursuing her, but he was attached to her when we were first together. He said he was going to therapy too around the time we got together. After we ended things he did end up trying to work things out with her but it never worked out.. But I do agree I do deserve to be pursued, and desired the same way I pursue and desire him. It’s right there in my face. I was just thinking that enough time maybe hasn’t passed, and I’m being impatient maybe he’ll come around? He seemed motivated enough to tell me he liked me, and enjoyed spending time with me… maybe he just doesn’t know how to show it. Or I’m being very naive, and showing to ignore the signs… idk.
I usually just jump to sex when I think I’m attracted to someone… or I like them I have a hard time communicating feelings without sex it’s a character flaw I’m working on. Possibly because I feel that is the only thing I have to offer and the one thing I think will make them stay…. even though that is not the truth and means as much as you put into it at the end of the day. I honestly should have been honest about how I felt. But on reflection, the relationship would have been very inappropriate with the age gap, and his immaturity as well as my own. Also, he was obviously just trying to hit and leave, because nothing truly serious would have come from.
I have tried asking him out once, but he said he was busy or he said “not today”, and I never brought up again. He didn’t seem to want a relationship with me until the end when he kinda insinuated at be monogamous, hooked up with me and never called or texted me. I’ve to accept that, I just want to move on from him because I’ve been stuck in a space where I’ve been blaming myself for what happened and feeling unwanted… and rejected. Partly because when I finally ended it he never texted me or tried to contact me. I saw him a month ago at the train station and he was just staring at me, later that night I texted him to see if I still had a chance to try again and he never replied. I don’t know I just feel stupid for wasting all this time on him, but theirs a part of me that is still holding on and hoping I’ll get another chance with him even though logically I know that it may never happen, and I may not get a do-over I had several chances already lol
- This reply was modified 6 years ago by Mae.