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MiarbilParticipant
Dear Nina,
Thank you for your words I like when you said “Be kinder by taking the harder way.” I sure need to practice tough love. thanks xx
MiarbilParticipantDear Anita’
Somewhat you are right let me give you some background. we dated for two years and the whole time he never trusted me eventho i rearranged most parts of my life to accommodate the relationship. I made him my priority i really tried my best but e was always paranoid he doesn’t want me to go out see my friends. he has logged into my Facebook messenger and my phone message to check.and he has been verbally abusive and also once he slapped me because i was late. but he always cries after and says sorry. the reason we broke up is one time he came and said he had a dream that i was cheating and started interrogating me as if his dream had a meaning…
once i decided to break it off he kept texting me and calling me and showing up at my place with out notice. but he was not aggressive but just begging and crying. After that I agreed to be friends because he has done some good things during our relationship. but after that I dont feel okay about contacting everyday and i don’t want to lead him on. But at the same time I feel so much pain seeing him cry and beg me. he says he will never give up on me and sometimes i think he is trying should I give him a chance but if I do it would be out of guilt. and i see his posts he is so happy with his friends but when he comes to me he becomes so sad complaining about family and other stuff. every time i tell him im busy he says hes not feeling well or something. I feel like he is intentionally creating this sad story to guilt me into dropping everything to come to the rescue which i do all the time because i feel responsible somehow.MiarbilParticipantdear helleia,
Are you an empath by any chance. Research the characters of empaths. It may give you some insight. I listed some pages you may find useful.
http://themindunleashed.org/2013/10/30-traits-of-empath.html
http://boforbes.com/yoga-practice-lab/blog/feel-pain-empaths-guide-staying-balanced/
- This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Miarbil.
MiarbilParticipantDear loniefaye,
I also suffer from anxiety and I can understand the toll it takes on our lives. ı am very sorry you are going through this tough time but please stay strong and try to use this time to spend more time with yourself and heal yourself as calling him will most probably push him farther and make u feel worse. No matter how much we are close to people some roads are meant to be walked alone in life and I hope you find some solace in spending time with your kids. anxiety is hard which means you have to do an extra work to keep yourself from spiraling down. It may mean you need more quite time more relaxing exercises and healthier choices more than the average person. I can assure you that there is nothing wrong with you sometimes people grow apart it is not your fault. Love yourself more than ever now and soon you will be with someone who appreciates every crazy anxious fiber of your being. I will keep you in my prayers. It is a cliche but its true that sometimes things fall apart to make way for better things to come along. this pain wont last forever. İ am sending you so much love and support. If you feel alone keep updating us here will be there to cheer you on. xx
MiarbilParticipantDear Sugarhut,
You are not a weak person, Trust me its not easy to detach from a narcissistic abuse( İ,m not an expert but). I have been there. and most empathetic people find it hard to detach. I can give you one advice. when you get time and when you are relatively calm just go for a walk or somewhere where you feel calm and talk to yourself. Ask your self why am I here. what am I getting from this relationship? what can I do better and with out judging yourself or feeling shame just let the answers come to you. Take it slow one day at a time make small changes. and I hope he wont be physically abusive if ever you decide to leave.
But one thing I will tell you Dont make plans thinking he will change because things may escalate to something worse and they usually do. I cried asking myself the same question as you why i stay in a hurtful relationship but that is the first step of stepping out. so congratulations you are one step closer to the solution. İ will pray for you and Please please dont be so hard on your self. Just start slow and take out one small toxic thing from your life and another and another. Read peoples stories and find courage! İt is scary to step into the unknown but the universe will reward you for being true to yourself and stepping out of whats not serving you. xxMiarbilParticipantDear Crazyangle03
I was in the same situation few months back before i finally decided to end it. My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years and I have done a lot to show how committed I was to the relationship. I also thought that he is insecure because he has low self esteem so I tried to show him that I valued the person he was. But fact is its not healthy to be this insecure and controlling. Your girlfriend probably needs some soul searching to find out the root cause of this behavior if its fear of abandonment or something else. And I believe you are right to step away because this would be a big problem in the long run. And another point is the only person that can change her for the better is herself not you. I have tried to make my ex see his insecurities are destroying our relationship, I stuck 2 years trying to prove my loyalty but then I realized it was never about me or my loyalty some people have this dark hole in their heart that they need to fix on their own. they have this paranoia that they developed because of some issue all in all nothing you do will ever make them feel secure because their mind is in constant paranoia. I hope she will do some reflection and heal that part of herself. I fully support your decision to step back. Its for the best. stay strong and true to yourself!
- This reply was modified 8 years, 3 months ago by Miarbil.
MiarbilParticipantDear Hellia,
I think I am in the same situation as you. I recently moved to a new country where I dont know anyoneand making friends has been very difficult. But I am using this part of my life to know more about myself. I recently took up sketching and other art stuffs and ı keep myself happy. I also had some falling out with previous room mates from uni and that has made me a guarded person. But solitude is part of life. soon this phase will pass and you will be surronded with friends and family. Hope u stay strong xx
September 8, 2016 at 7:45 am in reply to: Recently broke up with my boyfriend, feeling guilty and sad #114599MiarbilParticipantI wanna say thanks for all the people who contributed to this cuz it’s been so helpful as I am going thru the same situation. After dating ffor two years, half of it long distance,I was not seeing him as a future partner and all my excitement about the future was gone. i stayed eveventho I was happy because I was scared to hurt him but the stress was unbearable. The worst part is after we broke up he kept begging me and calling me and showing up at my place saying he will change anything for me he kept sending me flowers to work and he even cried on his knees. He was my best friend and I truely love the person he is. I can literally feel the amount of pain I caused him and this breaks my heart. I pray that he will be ok I pray he will find someone who can love him so much. But the guilt is really hard to deal with. I still miss him and I wonder if I made a huge mistake. But I am moving forward because deep down I know I can’t be happy in that relationship.
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