Hello again Sarah,

Please let me reassure you – you are not a terrible person and your happiness is what is most important. I realize that sounds selfish, but it is more about self-love. For years I put everyone else’s happiness ahead of my own, only to end up feeling sad and unhappy. Sometimes too, as much as we would like to help, we are just not able to do so.

There is nothing wrong in understanding that we are all responsible for the way we feel. And hopefully your friend will eventually come to accept this, as well as benefit from the professional help she is getting. There is also nothing wrong with choosing to not spend as much time with your friend, because her negative energy is affecting your own energy.

I believe it really is okay to focus on yourself – to spend more time doing things you love and being with those whose energy is uplifting. I also think it is okay to feel you cannot be responsible for someone else’s happiness – you really can’t. Perhaps you can just decide to be comfortable with whatever you are able to offer your friend in terms of support and let the guilty feelings go?

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Lindsey,

I echo Matt’s congratulations – two years is a wonderful achievement. It is hard to change behaviors, perhaps because we do not fully realize that what we are doing is not being loving and kind to ourselves…Mistakes happen and it is important not to beat yourself up and make yourself wrong, try instead to love yourself for trying, forgive yourself for slipping and focus on doing what makes you feel good…

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Boo,

I think you have the most wonderful attitude to what sounds like a real horror story. Like everything we encounter in life, some relationships help us learn so much about our own strength and ability to forgive. This one seems as though it provides the opportunity for so much learning.

You have already started reclaiming your own power and have begun taking the time and actions which honor who you are and your own self worth. It seems to me that just continuing along this path is the most helpful and loving thing you can do for yourself. Not being angry and accepting this very difficult situation will also help you heal and move on.

I so admire your courage in looking honestly at what has occurred and being caring about what happens to the children who are involved. You are right, this will not break you, it will only make you stronger and I am sure your positive outlook will bring you healing and peace.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Kristy,

How wonderful that you want to get to know you.

Your disillusionment with television comes as no surprise to me. Every single of one of us who has woken up to the knowledge that what we are told and expected to believe has meaning in life, is really meaningless. I have found it doesn’t matter that you are not sure what is meaningful, because as you get to know yourself, you discover what it is you love and what you want to do.

For me, a whole new creative side to me came out – it seems as though all I had to do was think “Oh I would love to be able to make a flower arrangement, painting or pair of earrings like that…Then, when I tried to do it, I discovered I could do it…who knew I had these talents!

I have found that everything begins with a thought, an idea, and is created or flows from that, so I would encourage you to just look around and see what you love, what you admire and what you find interesting and see what happens…

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Laura,

Congratulations on finally realizing the damaging effects of this abusive relationship and breaking it off! I know it is hard to focus on the positive in your life, but it helps. You say you have a temp job with a good company and who knows where this might lead…several times in my career I ended up getting a good job as a result of temping.

I have also been in abusive relationships and once away from them, decided to focus on me, not my ego but my soul-self. I started with forgiveness and once I was able to do this for myself and my abusers, I began to get to know and love myself. I don’t like to be told what to do so I try not to tell anyone else what to do either, but I do love to share. I write weekly blogs for my website and I have written a lot that may help you here: http://marilynpeaceseekers.com/

I think you will find now, Laura, that you have asked for help, you are ready to change your perception and this is the first step in making this happen.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

It takes time, Hope, to get to a place where you love yourself. The only way I found to do this was to go inside and focus on myself. It was difficult because I wasn’t used to doing this – I wanted, like you, to make sure everyone else was happy. I learned it doesn’t work that way…At first I didn’t believe it, but now I accept we are all strong and beautiful souls struggling to recognize ourselves in what seems like a crazy world…

I am absolutely sure you can forgive yourself, find the real you and then deal with the other people in your life…Take it a day at a time, or a moment at a time–forgive your mistakes and try to do things differently. Observe your thoughts, which I am sure you will find are negative and critical and make an intention to change them–one thought at a time, i.e. Change “I can’t forgive myself”, to “I do forgive myself.” Alter “I can’t express myself without frustration” to “I am able to express myself with love.” and instead of thinking, “I can’t focus on myself”, tell yourself “I can and want to focus on myself.”

I wanted change to happen overnight but it doesn’t. It does happen if you open your heart and treat yourself with loving kindness…All it takes is the understanding that change is possible, does happen when your heart is open and you acknowledge this is what you want for yourself.

Love and peace,

Marilyn

Hello Zenhen,

I applaud your decisions to deal with what you have experienced and to allow healing to take place and to set boundaries. A boundary defines your comfort level. If you are not comfortable seeing certain members of your family or all of them, then do not do it. You can still feel love in your heart for them, but accept that you do not feel good being with them.

I spent a long time harboring anger and unforgiveness in my heart towards those who abused me, but through spirituality I learned that the only person I was hurting was myself. Forgiveness is the key to letting go of the anger and pain–it is a gift to yourself. It does not mean you condone what happened, or that you need to have a relationship with those who abused you. It is simply a decision you make to let it go–to stop allowing it to negatively impact your relationships and your life. It is a healthy, healing and loving decision,made by you, for you. You cannot change the past, but your words tell me you are living in the now, creating a different life for yourself. I know you will have the strength and receive the guidance to do this.

Love and peace,

Marilyn