The problem with depression (from my experience) is that it stops you from really feeling much of anything, that’s the real issue, you hide within the mental walls and the heart recedes deep inside.

Video games for him are probably like a lifeline; the only place where some needs are being met, like the need for friends, teamwork, support, a challenging environment, feeling of achievement (even if it’s virtual), praise, keeps you mentally active and provides many rewards etc…

Video games are great! If one was to just take all of that away, what would one replace it with?

I doubt he just suddenly turned to games either, what was his life like before? Did he have trouble at school? Lack of friendship? Lack of support?

The current situation is definitely not your fault; you can’t force somebody else’s problems to go away, you can’t provide him with friends and achievements, these things he has to do himself. Games just happen to currently be the easier route.

On the bright side games do keep you active, keeps the brain active, in my opinion it’s a much better alternative to alcohol and / or drug abuse and the like. Games also teach and even help fix a broken heart, they have stories and adventure. Just as you could turn to a good book when you feel down.

My point is that the games are not the issue, in fact they may be the only thing keeping your son sane and active. Those are not things you can force away, nor should you. My suggestion would be to introduce things beside the games, another interest that helps build self-esteem, returns compassion to the heart, perhaps a sense of achievement or helpfulness. It could be volunteering, helping people with computers perhaps, maybe even just a camping trip or somewhere where there is an easy opportunity to build connection with other people. I would think that the one thing life has over games is the connection with other people, virtual hasn’t quite gotten to the point where you can feel a hug or look into somebody’s eyes and talk, to feel a sense of belonging within a group and I think that in that you can rebuild the sense of “feeling” again and start coming back from the depressive state and not need games as much.

It’s still a great hobby, to be honest, the problem is when the hobby becomes all that you feel you have.

One last thought is that parents tend to be very authoritative, which is fine up until the point where your kids are grown up enough that they need a friend and compassion, the same as everybody else, not an authority figure. I would start with a hug rather than strong words. =]

PS: Talk about his feelings, talk about finding friends, cry and laugh, don’t talk about work or a piece of paper from school, those things aren’t the issue, life is the issue, feelings, emotions, building self-esteem, building compassion, being human.

Obviously the medical profession can be very stressful, it does not seem particularly out of character to crash under such circumstances. If I recall one of the videos here contained a discussion on mental health issues in the medical occupation under high stress, you might find some of the resources here interesting as they are all quite scientific

http://www.mindandlife.org/dialogues/past-conferences/

And you’re right, you’re not alone. If it wasn’t this it would be something else down the line, eventually everybody faces some painful things no matter what your social status is. Just how painful depends a lot on your outlook in life and how well you’ve trained your mind. I think as a doctor and triathlete you might relate to this. Just like you train your body you also need to train your mind, for most this only occurs to them after something horrible happens, just like you never go to the doctor until something really goes wrong. After that you become more careful and start looking after yourself.

So perhaps consider that you might have been concentrating on a lot of things, from your physical body to your achievements and intellect but not enough on the emotional state and mental fortitude. Then something like this came along and suddenly BAM you need a doctor!

Take this as a lesson; that you’re not so different from anybody else, that you can connect with other people easier after understanding this, that you also need to take care of your point of view and mentality. Consider taking up meditation, think of it as a tool for exercising, maintaining and strengthening the emotional state.

I think you can use this to better yourself, to connect with other people more closely than before and to learn more about yourself. This way of thinking is probably something you of all people could appreciate and utilise.

Usually the simplest answer is the correct one; some people treat marriage as a big deal and some don’t. I feel that’s all there is to it.

Obviously a lot of women are brought up with thoughts of marriage, the marketing for it is everywhere, eventually like with most things you internalise it and decide to make it your own. So now marriage is important to you too! But it all started somewhere.

It’s quite possible marriage really hasn’t crossed his mind, maybe he doesn’t think about it the same way you do, not necessarily doesn’t see it with you. Only way to find out is to ask what he thinks about it and keep an open mind.

Then you go from there and decide if it’s so important to you that you want to find somebody else who it’s important to as well, among other factors. It can be painful when we realise some of our core values don’t quite line up with the person we otherwise like but if we were all the same it wouldn’t be very interesting either.

Yeah I’m not into drinking either, I’m not sure where this middle of nowhere of yours is but there are always people around that you can share things in common with. Also the people that you don’t have things in common with can sometimes be a lot more interesting. You don’t really need to be into drinking, I don’t feel anybody really cares about what you’re drinking while you chat with them. It also helps to look past “similar interests” and try to go more towards similar personalities, values etc… the basic core of the human being, cause I don’t think that really ever changes, while interests and other things are just on the surface. So when I say “like you” I mean a similar core, not just what you see on the surface, which means being a little more open minded, trusting your instincts and taking some chances.

The only downside to really sticking to principles and standards is that it’s easy to fall into the trap of being or coming across as arrogant, people hate that, it’s something to watch out for. So if anybody does for example make a comment about your lack of alcohol consumption just let them know you’re fine with alcohol in general you just don’t feel like it and I doubt anybody would pursue it any further.

And finally, when you think you finally have something amazing it’s easy to misjudge or look past faults, to the point where we really start blinding ourselves. It’s not always this way but it does happen and we have to look at things objectively from time to time or even specifically look for faults just to remind ourselves that nothing and nobody is perfect, that way we can make the best decisions.

It’s also obvious this girl has her own problems, unfortunately every one of us has to deal with our internal issues internally. You can only control yourself, not what other people do and in your case I think leaving the whole matter and concentrating on your own issues rather than hers would be a lot better. You did all you could now it’s time for her to deal with her own problems, in her own time. That doesn’t mean you give up your happiness, if you’re not happy you won’t make anyone else happy either.

I thought the whole point of a lot of the meetup groups was to find other people to hang out with, have you tried asking some of them if they want to go to an event with you?

I’ve felt terrible before about not having friends but never embarrassed, almost everyone is lonely sometimes or will probably feel it some time in their life. Just aim for the people that are genuine and you’ll be fine.

That makes sense coming from a breakup but I want, need, something more than friendship at this point. I guess it’s just something I want to experience so that I know it’s possible. You know that feeling you got when you first rode a bicycle, like you realised you could do something you haven’t done before and even now if you haven’t ridden for years, you know you can do it again. Even after a breakup you probably know deep inside you can do it again, cause it wasn’t all bad.

Well, I just want that first ride to happen, to know what it’s like, to know I’m not somehow limited or strange. One success, even just one, and you know rejection isn’t all there is.

I honestly don’t know if words are enough for a situation as difficult as yours but I know one thing for sure and that you are a very strong, loving person who is only 22!

Life can be very difficult and you are definitely on a difficult road but we can only go forward not backwards, you still have a future ahead of you, you still have many, many opportunities for love and friends and all the other things you like.

One of the things we have in common is that none of us can change our past, letting go of it is harder for some of us but the reality is that the now and the future is what we really have. No matter how difficult it is, it’s a shame to throw away what we can have because of what we can’t change.

Keep traveling!

But you don’t really get to know them! I guess it comes down to what you think are the chances of finding a nice guy, 1 in a 10? 100? 1000? 1,000,000? 1,000,000,000?

Do you want a human or are you shopping for the perfect man-object. =P

Let’s just say you go online and start running calculations, maybe after a while you’ll find exactly what you want, it’ll be the perfectly calculated man. Nothing less and…. nothing more.

🙂