Sophie,

Oh man, I am really sorry that you are going through this. I kind of went through a similar experience and I have some advice on how I got over it. My girlfriend dumped me about 6 months ago….it was extremely painful especially because I had to see her every other day. Not only did I have to see her but I had to see her with her new love interest. Man, it was painful as hell and I had no choice…I had to see them.

At this same time I just started a new career. Starting that new career was extremely scary and extremely difficult for me, physically and mentally. it was so demanding. There were times where I was paralyzed with fear of going to this new job and didn’t know if I could even do it anymore. 6 months have passed and I still have this new job. It’s still challenging for me but I know that I can do it and I’m not afraid of it anymore. After going through fear and hardship like that…hardship where you really have to dig deep to prevail your mindset changes…after climbing Mount Everest you feel like you can climb any mountain because all other mountains don’t compare.

Once I finally got over the fear and pain from this new career choice, I realized I could conquer pretty much anything that life has thrown at me because I have climbed my Mount Everest. And after that, I was finally over my breakup.

So my advice to you is to find something that you’re afraid of and live there. Find something that challenges you and conquer it. And it doesn’t have to be “Mount Everest” because even the best climbers have to start somewhere. And the mental strength you get from this may help you for the rest of your life.

“I do not know who I am or what I am doing here. I feel I am unable to “give” anything to anyone, although I would like a meaningful job that does give me the opportunity to help others. I want to do something to turn my life around. I am lost.”

This really stuck out at me. You have SO much to give, way more than you can even see. I am truly sorry for all of your despair and helplessness but as previous post have said, you are not alone. You have (and still are) gone through an experience that many people have and are going through as well. I cant relate and help those people as much as you can because I have not been in your situation. You are able to GIVE these people who are desperate and lost the gift of being able to relate to them because you have been there yourself.

Find something outside of yourself to guide you

…all those people that you have not met yet that may meet who may need your story to know how to handle their own a little better.

And as for being lost: “Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves” -Henry David Thoreau

Regarding the depression that you feel towards your family. Is it that you can’t forgive them or is it just that they are not pleasant people to be around (whether it be that they are negative or unable to love themselves etc.)? I love my family dearly but they are all depressing for me to be around. They’re negative, self loathing, drug addicts, and un-ambitious. But I love them and I forgive them for all of their problems because they are doing the best they can. I just can’t be around them because they bring me down and I see nothing wrong with that. Correct me if this doesn’t relate to you.

I think you may have kind of answered your own question…”I want unconditional love for myself and others…” The mental block is not having unconditional love for yourself. I believe that you have to find that love in yourself first before you can feel that for anyone else. I have started seeking that love for myself just recently (I relied on my ex for that love). Spend time by yourself and get to know your self. Turn off the tv and just reflect, maybe write in your journal. Read some self help books, I have started to read “the power of positive thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale and this has changed my outlook on my self and life in general. Finding unconditional love in yourself is hard work and you have to be willing to put the effort in to it but I’ll tell you that it works. Just have faith in yourself.

In all sincerity, please keep me posted on your progress.

Kate,

I am so sorry you are feeling lost like you are. I used to feel like you, lost, regret, clueless, all I wanted to do was see the world and i was stuck behind a desk. I was just floating on by waiting for something perfect to present itself to me. Finally after 8 years of feeling this way, I hit rock bottom and I realized that great things don’t spring upon us, we have to seek them out. So I made some huge changes in my life, changes that will challenge everything that I believe in and challenge me physically. I still don’t know if it is the right decision. Sometimes I get out of bed and fall to the floor and say to my self “what the hell am I doing, why am I doing this?” but I wipe off my tears and continue. I refuse to live my life thinking of what could have happened.

through this painful experience, I am able to find inspiration in places that I never would have before. and because of this inspiration, I am more determined to find out what I am really supposed to do with my life.

I’m not here to brag about my experience, I am here to tell you that it is never too late to make positive changes in your life, no matter how old you are. The hardest steps is having faith in yourself and just taking the first step. And if whatever you decide to do is not the right thing, at least you know that you tried.

I wish the very best for you, and remember…there is a solution to every problem.

P.s. – stop comparing yourself to other people. Have faith.