All of the people above have said such profound things that I feel are very beneficial and wise so I may find myself kind of echoing them a little bit. I have to admit, that whether or not you believe this, many people can relate to you and so the guilt that you subconciousy or cosnciously feel should not really exist in the first place as it’s common and does not make you any less or anything.
I can relate to you as I feel I have been down a lot and not progresed a lot in my life, I have tried all those things and I still feel my self esteem is bruised a bit but I must say they were very helpfull (counselling, self help books (well 1 t.b.h) though but ultimately you give power to those things( counselling or speaking to people) and by giving power, I mean you ultimately have a choice on how things go and t.bh I think that’s where the issue lies for me, you kinda need to feel connected to yourself rather than battling yourself for all hose stuff to really mena something and that is a hard process but I’d say take time to try to understand yourself an accept yoursef (don’t put pressure on yourself to change completley and become this suer bubbly or cheery person but rather try and underdtand yourself and accept it.

Also I must admit that there are many factors that play into self esteem; the way you were socialised, maybe traumatic experiences or experiences that make you feel unworthy, try and find ways to actively be inspired by people who have gone through similar things and have come out of it or use an expressive form like poetry, excersise like Jeaninne said (taking a walk helps me when I’m overthinking), writing short stories or just simply writing your thoughts down, you may have similar feelings because you are alowing a pattern to be created without knowing so having a journal could help you understand/ or you may be approaching things the same way, another thing I might ad is that you could try something spiritual or religious associated, if you are open to that; like myabe find spiritual self help books or go to a session at a centre for worship.

I’ll keep you in my prayers and thoughts. Your existence is significant, another thing i want to say is you most likely are compain yousrelf to others and as hard as it is, we need to compare ousrelves more to people with similar situations rather than people whose lives are quite diff to us and know that people select and show things that they want others to know so there’s a good chance that you have a lot of similarities to them but you may not know. Peace be with you. It will get btter, most of the most inspiring people have gone through some tough times like you. (Sorry for the spelling mistakes). Pick and chose what you find ueful/not. XX

The reason you might feel like you’re limiting yourself might be because you’re not allowing things to process thus putting pressure on yourself. Whillst going counselling, from my experience I learnt some advice that I think may be usefull to you. One was distinctifying between things I can and can’t control. For e.g. iin your situation you can’t control your mum’s feeling or her actions/ you can’t control your feelings but you can too a big extent control what you do with it. I’d say you accept how you feel (which is a process) then you try and deal with it, (another process) this could be through; counselling, listening to music, doing things you enjoy and can help you express your emotions and feel better but step by step. Regarding your mum, I think you should speak to a counsellor about how you can deal with her. You didn’t deserve what she did but as you noted, she has issues that she is taking out on you which isn’t fair but hopefully she can get help in time, that’s if she realises herself that she should so it’s not in your control to make her get help. I will keep you and her in my prayers. Is there wwy you could live with other relatives/ talk to them about how you feel. I def think you should talk to a counsellor about her, they’ll give you suitable advice as you can give them a clearer picture to your home state thus they can give you an appropriate advice. B.t,w don’t feel bad for feeling this way, happiness doesn’t come out of thin air, I know the generic term of happiness makes it seem like a certain way but happiness is an indivualistic thing, I think real happiness happens when we use rational/ healthy techniques to help us deal with bad situations which help change those bad/ self defeating thoughts to the point that they become a part of the way we think and through this other elements come which enrich our postive emotions, it’s like a cycle but it’s a process that happens with effort but not pressure. Positivity doesn’t mean being happy all the time actually, I think it’s just keeping an open mind and TRYING to not let your feelings consume you but not blocking them out at the same time, reacting rationally. I think you should read self-help books that may hinge on your situation 9abuse/depression) I think you should read articles about people who experienced similar issues to you and through the process of dealing with things properly came out feeling like better. It might make you feel better because you can relate and know a lot of people experience it and some things they learnt might help you in your experience. Don’t pressure yourself, you’ll come out of this feeling but in time. I hope things gradually improve/ the way you see it does. Don’t underestimate your strength. I was down at some point but after dealing with things like talking to people and counselling I feel much better and I didn’t think I’d push through but I did after I stopped doubting myself, accepted my issue and tried to deal with it in an efficient and healthy way. Wish you well, XX 😉