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Nichole

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Viewing 15 posts - 76 through 90 (of 267 total)
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  • July 31, 2019 at 10:20 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305893
    Nichole
    Participant

    That’s what I was doing before all this happened. I continue my talks with myself but my subconscious has gotten louder and faster and aggressive. I’m trying with all my might soul and power. 🙁

    July 31, 2019 at 9:50 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305879
    Nichole
    Participant

    Honestly not really

    Rough times Anita

     

    July 31, 2019 at 8:31 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305833
    Nichole
    Participant

    It hurts Anita

    i have had many post like this

    but this is a volcano eruption

    it has been too many traumas after another

    my mind and body are suffering greatly

    im not a broken record this is really happening

    July 31, 2019 at 8:24 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305831
    Nichole
    Participant

    Literally every memory it feels like. Childhood, ex, mom, cousins, family, school. Every time I ever felt shame. Every fear. Every worry. Replaying over and over. Vividly like it’s happening again!

    July 31, 2019 at 7:08 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305819
    Nichole
    Participant

    I will be. But can’t even be excited. With a million thoughts per minute me I hate myself, flashbacks of every memory of my life. It’s like a movie that won’t end. On and on.

    is this normal? Have you experienced?

    I know it’s ptsd but it’s debilitating. And I continue trying to hold on to me. The one who feels empathy and love and not become bitter and cold. I want that me back but no light in sight

    July 31, 2019 at 4:38 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305803
    Nichole
    Participant

    Hi Anita,

    i feel like I’m losing me sadly. I’ve fought hard and long. I went to psychiatrist and got more sleeping pills. Still no sleep. Anxiety has taken over nothing really works. Tried going to my calm spot and can’t stay long. Life is hard without support or love. Trying not to be this way but I’m debilitated

    July 28, 2019 at 10:16 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305355
    Nichole
    Participant

    You can help, you have helped. You make sense of my behavior. I don’t believe I have bi polar. I believe I have cpstd according to my therapist. And in stressful situations my fight or flight response stays on. I believe my body is alarmed at the moment ready for an attack and that is why I cannot get calm these last few days. Too much stress.

    July 28, 2019 at 9:33 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305345
    Nichole
    Participant

    I need help! Serious help! Which I am willing to do and heal, I just don’t have anyone healthy on my side. Anyone to support my growth. I have hurt people who just want to hurt people all around me. I know I have had impulsive reactions in the past but these things I complain of and speak of are truly dysfunctional people. As much as I hate to admit, I’m finally understanding my family are ill and do not want healing. They are fine in the way they are living. It hurts to have no one who is on my same path. I am desperately seeking health and peace. I need help. Please help me Anita!

    July 28, 2019 at 8:05 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305333
    Nichole
    Participant

    Anita, do you think we could speak on the phone?

     

    July 28, 2019 at 7:53 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305327
    Nichole
    Participant

    2 years

    July 28, 2019 at 7:35 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305317
    Nichole
    Participant

    No just to get away from here

    it was my first thought and I didn’t execute

    i stayed in hopes for family

    and now I’m here. Terrified of the apartment and life

    July 28, 2019 at 7:28 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305311
    Nichole
    Participant

    I wish I could give better advice but I have no focus. No calm in my life. I used to be different. I used to be loving kind and available. And now I’m down and lost and in major pain!

    The xanax does not seem to be doing anything. Neither does ambien. I’m beginning to feel hopeless.

    im convinced i just don’t feel safe. With anyone here or here at all. Should have gone o Florida all along.

    July 28, 2019 at 7:20 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305303
    Nichole
    Participant

    I see. Sorry for that disturbance you are having.

    i would definitely email. It is a disturbance.

     

    i know you are limited and i get it.

    im just frightened for my life Anita!

    Why do I feel this way? Why won’t the stress response calm down for me. Lately it has been on a million. I have had no relief in between. It is bad.

    i don’t have anyone to turn to. Not one soul

    what do I do, and where do I go? My apartment ready on the first and i don’t even want it!

     

    I dont want want to be here

    my life seems ruined. And I know my insomnia and anxiety are playing their role in this but can’t stop it. The thoughts

    July 28, 2019 at 7:00 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305291
    Nichole
    Participant

    I am a people pleaser who has lashed out. But I have done work and I continue doing work. And most of these people have indeed abused me.

    I am so afraid of being alone and scared to turn to family. I know you only entertained the thought. And I’m not upset at any choice you make. I just wish you would know how much I need someone to hold my hand through this. Yes I’m a woman. But an abused woman who has no love in her life. No one who cares or understands what an abused person feels like. It would be a blessing to have someone in my life to help me through this rough patch. You have been here, you always understand me.

    July 28, 2019 at 6:21 am in reply to: GUILT AND PAIN AFTER MOTHERS DEATH #305283
    Nichole
    Participant

    Anita,

    I would not get angry. I am complying with my meds. I am kind and loving. I am genuine and need assistance from someone who gets it. I can make my own appointments. It would so amazing to have someone like you in my life.

    My life is upside down and I’m fearful of what’s to come. I didn’t get any sleep. This is my biggest issue. I can’t keep calm. I feel unsafe.

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