Forum Replies Created
-
AuthorPosts
-
PeterParticipant
It is an interesting paradox that it takes a strong and healthy ego to detach itself from the Self and doing so enter the flow of the life/death/life cycle – vice fighting it. Saying YES to life as it (life lives off life) while remaining fully engaged in life.
Ego is defined as
- a person’s sense of self-esteem or self-importance.
- the part of the mind that mediates between the conscious and the unconscious and is responsible for reality testing and a sense of personal identity.
- (in metaphysics) a conscious thinking subject.
The ego plays an important role in the task of becoming, particularly as the mediator between the conscious and the unconscious. Without the ego it would be very difficult to communicate experience to others or ourselves (definition 2 and 3).
The problem arises when we attach our sense of Self to the ego (definition 1). When we do this, we unconsciously attach the self and consciousness to our experiences, thoughts and or emotions. “I” (which is a construct of language) becomes attached to a sense of identity… I am my experiences, I am my thoughts, I am my emotions, I am my ego… I am a construct of language… and we end up in knots, a plaything of emotions and manipulations. In stead of a flowing consciousness we have a consciousness that is fixated on a emotion, thoughts, experience and all the pain that that brings.
In Jungian psychology the word death is associated with the cycle of life the life/death/life cycle so any letting go evolves a kind of dying. We make space for something else to emerge. It is a leap into uncertainty. A part of the ego that we cling is the idea that we can control the life/death/life process that is LIFE. Letting go of that is scary so we hang on and the more we cling the more we suffer… and the more we cling…. until we let go… Equals “dying” is painful.
I saw the movie Inside Out over the weekend. It really demonstrates the suffering mind that clings to core memories and personas of the self. Before Riley new sense of self can be established the old sense of self is painfully destroyed but that this was required before the new more mature, perhaps less innocent sense of self could be create. A process that movie implies is going to happen at every stage of life. Our sense of self is always changing so attaching ourselves to the sense of self (ego) is going to be painful when the time comes when it no longer works for us.
There is a time for everything including attaching our sense of self to our ego and the language construct “I” (which is mistaking the map for the territory). As we awaken to the process we develop a healthy sense of self that “knows” when its time to let it go and make room for what comes next.
PeterParticipantHi Justin
You noted that you have a tendency to compare yourself with others. This is a good place to start working on in a mindfulness practice. How is the habit of comparing yourself to others working for you? Are there any payoffs you get from comparing yourself to others, even negative payoffs that might reinforce the behavior? Where did the habit come from?
The site has allot of articles associated with this habit of comparison which might help you get started in your practice.
PeterParticipantIf one travels down the path Buddhism the question of good and evil fades as does the question of what might happen to one tomorrow. What is important is the present moment and acting from the core of one truth as understood in the moment, open to learning, and discovery of themselves.
Interestingly the Buddha had very little to say about the afterlife. Such thoughts tend to lead to speculation distracting a person from the present and attachment to ego
Every breath is purpose, every breath is meaning, every breath is sacrifice, every breath is a death, every breath is a rebirth.
“For me, trees have always been the most penetrating preachers. I revere them when they live in tribes and families, in forests and groves. And even more I revere them when they stand alone. They are like lonely persons. Not like hermits who have stolen away out of some weakness, but like great, solitary men, like Beethoven and Nietzsche. In their highest boughs the world rustles, their roots rest in infinity; but they do not lose themselves there, they struggle with all the force of their lives for one thing only: to fulfil themselves according to their own laws, to build up their own form, to represent themselves. Nothing is holier, nothing is more exemplary than a beautiful, strong tree. When a tree is cut down and reveals its naked death-wound to the sun, one can read its whole history in the luminous, inscribed disk of its trunk: in the rings of its years, its scars, all the struggle, all the suffering, all the sickness, all the happiness and prosperity stand truly written, the narrow years and the luxurious years, the attacks withstood, the storms endured. And every young farm boy knows that the hardest and noblest wood has the narrowest rings, that high on the mountains and in continuing danger the most indestructible, the strongest, the ideal trees grow.
Trees are sanctuaries. Whoever knows how to speak to them, whoever knows how to listen to them, can learn the truth. They do not preach learning and precepts, they preach, undeterred by particulars, the ancient law of life.
A tree says: A kernel is hidden in me, a spark, a thought, I am life from eternal life. The attempt and the risk that the eternal mother took with me is unique, unique the form and veins of my skin, unique the smallest play of leaves in my branches and the smallest scar on my bark. I was made to form and reveal the eternal in my smallest special detail.
A tree says: My strength is trust. I know nothing about my fathers, I know nothing about the thousand children that every year spring out of me. I live out the secret of my seed to the very end, and I care for nothing else. I trust that God is in me. I trust that my labor is holy. Out of this trust I live.
When we are stricken and cannot bear our lives any longer, then a tree has something to say to us: Be still! Be still! Look at me! Life is not easy, life is not difficult. Those are childish thoughts. Let God speak within you, and your thoughts will grow silent. You are anxious because your path leads away from mother and home. But every step and every day lead you back again to the mother. Home is neither here nor there. Home is within you, or home is nowhere at all.
A longing to wander tears my heart when I hear trees rustling in the wind at evening. If one listens to them silently for a long time, this longing reveals its kernel, its meaning. It is not so much a matter of escaping from one’s suffering, though it may seem to be so. It is a longing for home, for a memory of the mother, for new metaphors for life. It leads home. Every path leads homeward, every step is birth, every step is death, every grave is mother.
So, the tree rustles in the evening, when we stand uneasy before our own childish thoughts: Trees have long thoughts, long-breathing and restful, just as they have longer lives than ours. They are wiser than we are, as long as we do not listen to them. But when we have learned how to listen to trees, then the brevity and the quickness and the childlike hastiness of our thoughts achieve an incomparable joy. Whoever has learned how to listen to trees no longer wants to be a tree. He wants to be nothing except what he is. That is home. That is happiness.” ― Hermann Hesse
PeterParticipantThe support group sounds like a good idea
It is unlikely that your mother can change the way she interacts with you even if she really wants to. (which I bet she does) The task then will be for you to find a better way in which you respond – vice react – to the experiences, memories, resentments, frustrations, fears… It is possible. Focus your care taking skills on yourself. Eventually as you work on it you will notice that you can view an experience without attaching your sense of self to it. You can feel sad without “being” sad, you can feel frustrated without “being” frustrated… When you get to a place where you really ‘know’ that difference of feeling and being you will find that you have created a safe space for yourself and I would bet some creative impulse emerges. When it does show up be courageous, no judgments, no labels just follow it and I think you will surprise yourself.
PeterParticipantThe task of coming to terms with your experiences and memories while having to deal with a constant reminder could make any new mindfulness practice difficult…. and I’m guessing setting healthy boundaries with your Mother hasn’t gone to well….
Are you able to create safe space – physically and mentally – for a few hours every day. A Place where you can pause and direct your attention elsewhere?
In Dream interpretation a solution is often presented by the subconscious. Would you like to share a example of a dream that you have?
PeterParticipantHara
Sorry your feeling this way.
As this is a Buddhist site I will ask you these questions. Do we make our memories or do our memories make us? If you woke up one morning without memories of your past who would you be? Could it be possible as Aiyana suggest that with practice you can detach your sense of self from past experiences. If so who would you?
PeterParticipantSome inspiration
PeterParticipant“He who fears he will suffer, already suffers because he fears.” – Michel De Montaigne
F.E.A.R – False Evidence Appearing Real
Nothing like living the fear of tomorrow today.
Sometimes I wonder if the real fear is that we might miss out on the opportunity to worry, so just in case, we imagine a future of suffering just to worry about it now, you know in case it doesn’t happen.
“A life spent making mistakes is not only more honorable, but more useful than a life spent doing nothing.” — George Bernhard Shaw – “Experiments are necessary for the experiences that create growth and new opportunities.”
“THE FOUR HEAVENLY FOUNTAINS
Laugh, I tell you
And you will turn back
The hands of time.Smile, I tell you
And you will reflect
The face of the divine.Sing, I tell you
And all the angels will sing with you!Cry, I tell you
And the reflections found in your pool of tears –
Will remind you of the lessons of today and yesterday
To guide you through the fears of tomorrow.”
― Suzy KassemPeterParticipantHi Rainbow – Perhaps the name chose you – your authentic self ‘knowing’ the you will persevere. It may rain however after a good rain the sun comes out.
My thoughts are that the word ‘God’ is a construct of language and ego consciousness that allows us to communicate our experiences of the idea of ‘God’. In most wisdom traditions there is a school of thought that anything one might say about G_d must also be unsaid. Sadly, most people forget that tradition. “The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao”.
Thus, God does not exist and He/She is everywhere. (That is not a paradox)
Its when God is viewed as an alien supernatural being, that abides somewhere out there… watching, demanding obedience, punishing, rewarding… That we get ourselves into so much trouble.
PeterParticipantHi Rainbow – (“Rainbows bring the promise that the troubles of today will surely come to pass, hold strong in your faith and vision and the rainbow will bring fresh beginnings and new prosperity” – what lead you to choosing the name?)
Thought you might find the following interesting. Its about how creating intentions can work against us. The trick it seems is learning to ‘Do by not Doing’
The moment you set your foot on the path of liberation, you are apt to find that all your karmic creditors will come to your door. And that’s why it’s often said that people who start out on a serious work of yoga suddenly get sick and lose their money and their best friends drop dead and all kind of ghastly things happen. That’s because they served notice that they were going to do this […] Even if you serve notice privately on yourself that suddenly you’re going to drop it all, already the Devil knows–because who do you think the Devil is? ( We are our own devil – So we work for that which no work is required) – Alan Watts
The following is the full explanation by Alan
“It is generally believed in India that when a person sets out on the way of liberation, his first problem is to become free from his past karma. The word karma literally means ‘action’ or ‘doing’ in Sanskrit, so that when we say something that happens to you is your karma, it is like saying in English, ‘it is your own doing.’
In popular Indian belief, karma is a sort of built-in moral law or a law of retribution, such that all the bad things and all the good things you do have consequences that you have to inherit. So long as karmic energy remains stored up, you have to work it out, and what the sage endeavors to do is a kind of action, which in Sanskrit is called nishkama karma. Nishkama means ‘without passion’ or ‘without attachment,’ and karma means ‘action.’ So, whatever action he does, he renounces the fruits of the action, so that he acts in a way that does not generate future karma. Future karma continues you in the wheel of becoming, samsara, the ’round,’ and keeps you being reincarnated.
Now, when you start to get out of the chain of karma, all the creditors that you have start presenting themselves for payment. In other words, a person who begins to study yoga may feel that he will suddenly get sick or that his children will die, or that he will lose his money, or that all sorts of catastrophes will occur because the karmic debt is being cleared up. There is no hurry to be ‘cleared up’ if you’re just living along like anybody, but if you embark on the spiritual life, a certain hurry occurs. Therefore, since this is known, it is rather discouraging to start these things.
The Christian way of saying the same thing is that if you plan to change your life (shall we say to turn over a new leaf?) you mustn’t let the devil know, because he will oppose you with all his might if he suddenly discovers that you’re going to escape from his power. So, for example, if you have a bad habit, such as drinking too much, and you make a New Year’s resolution that during this coming year you will stop drinking, that is a very dangerous thing to do. The devil will immediately know about it, and he will confront you with the prospect of 365 drink-less days. That will be awful, just overwhelming, and you won’t be able to make much more than three days on the wagon. So, in that case, you compromise with the devil and say, ‘Just today I’m not going to drink, you see, but tomorrow maybe we’ll go back.’ Then, when tomorrow comes, you say, ‘Oh, just another day, let’s try, that’s all.’ And the next day, you say, ‘Oh, one more day won’t make much difference.’ So, you only do it for the moment, and you don’t let the devil know that you have a secret intention of going on day after day after day after day.
Of course, there’s something still better than that, and that is not to let the devil know anything. That means, of course, not to let yourself know. One of the many meanings of that saying ‘Let not your left hand know what your right hand doeth’ is just this. That is why, in Zen discipline, a great deal of it centers around acting without premeditation. As those of you know who read Eugen Herrigel’s book Zen in the Art of Archery, it was necessary to release the bowstring without first saying ‘Now.’
There’s a wonderful story you may have also read by a German writer, Van Kleist, about a boxing match with a bear. The man can never defeat this bear because the bear always knows his plans in advance and is ready to deal with any situation. The only way to get through to the bear would be to hit the bear without having first intended to do so. That would catch him. So, this is one of the great problems in the spiritual life, or whatever you want to call it: to be able to have intention and to act simultaneously – this means you escape karma and the devil.
So, you might say that the Taoist is exemplary in this respect: that this is getting free from karma without making any previous announcement. Supposing we have a train and we want to unload the train of its freight cars. You can go to the back end and unload them one by one and shunt them into the siding, but the simplest of all ways is to uncouple between the engine and the first car, and that gets rid of the whole bunch at once. It is in that sort of way that the Taoist gets rid of karma without challenging it, and so it has the reputation of being the easy way. There are all kinds of yogas and ways for people who want to be difficult. One of the great gambits of a man like Gurdjieff was to make it all seem as difficult as possible, because that challenged the vanity of his students.
If some teacher or some guru says, ‘Really, this isn’t difficult at all – it’s perfectly easy,’ some people will say, ‘Oh, he’s not really the real thing. We want something tough and difficult.’ When we see somebody who starts out by giving you a discipline that’s very weird and rigid, people think, ‘Now there is the thing. That man means business.’ So they flatter themselves by thinking that by going to such a guy they are serious students, whereas the other people are only dabblers, and so on. All right, if you have to do it that way, that’s the way you have to do it. But the Taoist is the kind of person who shows you the shortcut, and shows you how to do it by intelligence rather than effort, because that’s what it is. Taoism is, in that sense, what everybody is looking for, the easy way in, the shortcut, using cleverness instead of muscle.
So, the question naturally arises, ‘Isn’t it cheating?’ When, in any game, somebody really starts using his intelligence, he will very likely be accused of cheating; and to draw the line between skill and cheating is a very difficult thing to do. The inferior intelligence will always accuse a superior intelligence of cheating; that is its way of saving face. ‘You beat me by means that weren’t fair. We were originally having a contest to find out who had the strongest muscles. And you know we were pushing against it like this, and this would prove who had the strongest muscles. But then you introduced some gimmick into it, some judo trick or something like that, and you’re not playing fair.’ So, in the whole domain of ways of liberation, there are routes for the stupid people and routes for the intelligent people, and the latter are faster.
This was perfectly clearly explained by Hui-neng, the sixth patriarch of Zen in China, in his Platform Sutra, where he said, ‘The difference between the gradual school and the sudden school is that although they both arrive at the same point, the gradual is for slow-witted people and the sudden is for fast-witted people.’ In other words, can you find a way that sees into your own nature – that sees into the Tao immediately.” ~Alan Watts..
PeterParticipantLosing hope is not always ‘bad’. Hope is a skill that many people practice badly. Losing hope is often a step needed in order to ‘let go’ and enter into the flow of Life, opening the doors to the very things we didn’t know we were hoping for.
I always thought that the rule was be kind and you will receive the same in return in some form
The golden rule – do not do unto others as you would not have then do unto you. The Law of Karma (Action – Cause and Effect) or actions are influenced by causes and at the same time create effects which create causes….. The law of forgiveness: Forgive us our failures as we forgive those that fail us – as we judge we are judged – by our own hearts – we see in others what is also within us, a shadow we do not always recognize. The Law of Love: Love your neighbor as your self – not so much a law as a reality that our ability to love others is very much connected to how we love ourselves. The law of attraction – like attracts like.
So confusing, no wonder relationships can be so difficult . The key to all the above requires that one must know them selves. The challenge is that we are not always fully awake to our ‘real’ intentions and Life/Love demands growth.
Why do you fall into the caretaker role? What are the payoffs for you? What could taking on a caretaker role attract? What does being a caretaker say about how you Love yourself and desire to be Loved?
Being a caretaker can be a wonderful path to follow when we also have strong and loving boundaries. Our greatest gifts and strengths can also be our greatest weakness. Taking time to create space to know yourself could be the first step on the path in attracting the Love that you really hope for.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.”
“If you do follow your bliss you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Follow your bliss and don’t be afraid, and doors will open where you didn’t know they were going to be.” ― Joseph Campbell
March 24, 2018 at 9:12 am in reply to: I know I have to let go, but I struggling with it, it is out of anger #199229PeterParticipantWhy cant i let go, why cant i forget, why cant i forgive?
We can’t let go when we attach our sense of self with our memories and emotions. Instead of feeling our emotions we become our emotions. To let go would then be letting go of our sense of self which feels like dying and so we grasp and cling and hold onto our pain. We also hold onto our pain because a subconscious part of ourselves hopes that as long as we hurt we are hurting the one that hurt us. We do not forgive because we do not understand forgiveness.
We suffer because a part of us wants to suffer.
PeterParticipantHi Rainbow
From the beginning of recorded history ‘man’ has wondered about the cycle of life. Cycle of the moon was seen as representing the cycle of life, death, rebirth…. As was the rising and setting of the sun. And then of course the change of seasons…
There is a time for everything…. So yes, life is a cycle of ‘life, death, life…’ on every level.
In Christianity Christ dies on the cross to be reborn. If you follow Christ you follow him in this cycle, every moment a birth, betrayal, death, and resurrection. In Buddhism each breath is a cycle – inhale we are reborn, exhale we ‘die’ One might argue that each breath represents the opportunity of reincarnation. That is of course viewing ‘death’ symbolically, usually evolving a ego “dying”
Light and dark exist in each other they cannot exist without the other. If we did not know darkness we could not know light. Light points to the darkness and darkness points to the light.
It is in time of darkness, if you establish perspective, that you realize want you want and identified the opportunity to walk towards it… if one is courageous and does not fear all ‘dying’ it might take to get their..
PeterParticipantJenn
Reading your post it sounds like your no longer in denial and as they say that is the first step. There are allot of resources that you could check out that will help you deal with your finances. That there are so many resources out their suggests your not alone, definitely not alone.
You have demonstrated the ability to work hard, get a degree, and then change direction to find a career your passionate about. Few people are that brave. Getting a handle of your finances is anther challenge that once you face it you will be successful.
I wonder what the future might hold for you. I believe everything we learn comes together eventually. Life lessons, Sociology degree, cosmetology, well spoken, and once you learn how to better manage your finances …
“The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.” ― C. JoyBell C.
- This reply was modified 6 years, 9 months ago by Peter.
-
AuthorPosts