fbpx
Menu

How can I accept love?

HomeForumsEmotional MasteryHow can I accept love?

New Reply
Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #271933
    Jay
    Participant

    Love, it’s a funny word. It can come in many forms and every individual has a basic need for fove, whether it be romantic or not. In fact, I’ve been reading this book “5 love languages” which theorises that people communicate their love in different ways such as through deeds or words of affirmation and that typically, relationships deteriorate from a lack of understanding of a partner’s love communication style.

    I have this strange habit where when things start getting good in the relationship, I push them away or I’ve been told I like starting arguments for the sake of it, which might have certain implications on whether I feel I deserve their love and may be subconsciously pushing them away because I don’t feel I can be loved, but yet I want to be and it creates this cycle of loneliness.

    Perhaps, even if I am shown love, I am filled with this void, that it’s never good enough, which makes me think that maybe what I’m looking for isn’t love but validation – if someone loves me, it must mean “I’m okay”, “I’m good enough” or “I’m beautiful”.

    How can I learn to accept love better so I can also show the people I care about that I love them as much, if not more, as they love me?

     

     

     

    • This topic was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Jay.
    • This topic was modified 5 years, 11 months ago by Jay.
    #271951
    GL
    Participant

    Dear Jay,

    Though you understand the fact that accepting others’ affection is your choice, you’ve already realized that you are the one to draw back when people actually show you affection.

    Whenever a relationship is smooth sailing, there might be an alarm in your head that goes off which prompts you to sabotaged it. Why? Is it because deep inside, you believe that good things doesn’t last for long so it’s better to end it quickly less you are disappointed again or that you don’t deserve this relationship and the affection and the happiness.

    Love is not so much accepting affection from other people, but actually believing whether you even deserve affection in the first place. From your post, it doesn’t seem you even believe you can be loved, so does that mean you don’t love yourself? If you can’t love yourself, can you allow other people to love you? Because if you don’t love yourself, can you even believe you deserve love from yourself and other people?

    I do not know what occurred in your life that made you question the validity of affection from other people and most of all, from yourself, but it is something to ask yourself. You have to ask yourself why you are so keen on believing that you, the person you are now, do not deserve affection from other people. Why do you fear it? Where did such feelings come from? When did it begin? What is the void inside of your heart?

    Having hope for affection is one thing, but not able to believe that anyone can love you is another. But if you truly wish to understand love to give and to receive in return, then get ready to dive deep into your pool of fears and insecurities. It will be messy and it might dredge up old wounds, but to move forward to actually believing that loving yourself, though difficult, is not impossible will be a great dream come true. And there might be days where you regress into thinking that you really cannot be love, have compassion. Not everyone is their own best friend every second of the day and it will take courage to be kind to yourself, yet it will be worth it when you feel enough as the person you are currently.

    Good luck.

    #272029
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Dear  Jay:

    I think I know what love means for you, what you individually need in a relationship because you wrote in your previous thread: “To tell you the truth, I just want that one person. An anchor. One that can keep me sane, that can understand the way I am and think nothing of it when I make a tiny blunder or do something really stupid. One that loves me for me”-

    When you meet a woman,  pay attention and learn the following over time: is she very anxious, repeatedly irrational or is she sensible and  calm enough on an ongoing  basis; is she predictable that  way?

    When you speak, does she listen? Does she respond to what you say in a way that indicates to you that she did listen to you empathetically and respectfully?

    Is she critical of you, blaming and accusing you when you make a mistake, or is she okay with you making mistakes, letting you know that she too makes mistakes?

    Does she tell you about what she admires about other men, comparing you to others, or does she  tell you what she likes about you?

    Depending on the answers, this one woman may be that anchor that you need.

    anita

     

    #272047
    Peter
    Participant

    I have this strange habit where when things start getting good in the relationship, I push them away

    When we start to feel safe in a relationship subconsciously we will re-create past experiences in which we were hurt and that need healing.  If your pushing those you care about away its likely you experienced being abandoned or disappointed in someway by those you depended on for security leaving you to believe it was your fault and not good enough as you were. By pushing those you love away your daring them to prove yourself right while hoping they will stay and validate that you are lovable and good enough.

    It is said it takes 100 “at a boys” to undo the harm cause by one person saying your not good enough so its likely you will continue to test people in this manner until you make this fear/false believe conscious and doing so take ownership of the story you have been telling yourself with regards to love and being worthy of being loved.

    #274061
    pooja
    Participant

    There is no condition in love. We can not make statements in the words of love.
    You just have to pay attention to the fact that the one you love, even if you love true love, then you can adopt him when you trust him.
    in one poetry has said very well.

    You are separated from me but love is not less.

    Whenever my body gets up, your face will not be far away from my eyes.

    Whenever I remember you, you are not far from my grave.

    I am yours

     

    read more love quotes click here:  Love Quotes,  Good morning Quotes

Viewing 5 posts - 1 through 5 (of 5 total)

You must be logged in to reply to this topic. Please log in OR register.