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Rod

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Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
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  • #357098
    Rod
    Participant

    Dear emmaholson,

    I cannot reply to you as the one who was deceived, but as the one who is the deceiver and recovering sex addict. I have struggled with sex addiction for most of my life and it has only been the last 2 years that I have made any head way. Sex addiction (porn addiction) is no more and no less serious than a drug or alcohol addiction.  Sex addiction is very secretive and easy to access through today’s social media technology.  I sneaked around on my wife to look at porn.  I would take my phone to the bathroom, go to the kitchen to sneak a peek.  When my wife left it would be a porn free for all.  I destroyed our relationship and trust with my sex addiction.  You are so correct that trust has been wiped away.  That trust has to be regained through  accountability and hard work.  I got rid of my cell phone and along with that I deleted my Facebook, Twitter, and other accounts.  I have a work cell phone, but it stays in the living room and any time I have to take a work call or text, I tell my wife what I am doing.  Slowly, trust is being regained.

    My wife had her sisters to talk to about my addiction.  Most of her family knows what I have done.  You and your partner need a support system.  He especially needs an accountability partner that he can talk to when he is feeling temped.  Like a sponsor of a 12 step program.

    My wife is the most gracious person I know.  She had every right to divorce me, and still does, but we made a commitment to work through this addiction.  When she sees me on the phone she asks me to see what I am doing.  I do not delete my history and she has free reign to look at the history on my work phone.  The company I work for monitors my phone for inappropriate content.  I like my job and I want to keep it.

    What you can do…You mention other mental health problems you have.  I know this kind of deception is devastating and adds an extreme amount of stress to you life on top of the you other issues.  Talk to someone.  A confidant, spiritual leader, friend, etc.  Please do not keep this in.  It will be more difficult if you keep it all inside and it will exacerbate your other issues.  Talk to your doctors for medication if needed.  Especially hold your partner responsible for what he has done.  Keep it fresh in his mind, but not so much you are beating him up all of the time.  (Kind of a fine line) Be supportive as if he is recovering from alcoholism or drugs.  Always remember he is responsible for the deception, pain, and stress and he has to admit that.

    I hope this helps, but it is from the other side of the fence.  My wife and I are doing better and we  are restoring our relationship.  It not an easy road, but one worth traveling.

    Rod

    #356935
    Rod
    Participant

    Thank you everyone for your kind advice.  My wife and I have come up with a plan to delegate some of the “chores” I do to the older kids.  This has really lightened my load and I am getting much better rest so that I can focus more on the outdoor work.  Baby boy is sleeping through the night and things are coming together.  Again I thank all of you for the wonderful advice.

    Rod

    #356342
    Rod
    Participant

    Hi Ashley,

    I love cooking.  I like searching youtube for different recipes and trying them out on my family.  When I have time and money, I like to go to stores of different nationalities such as Ethiopia, Mexican, Asian, etc. and see what kind of interesting spices and food they have.

    Rod

    #356340
    Rod
    Participant

    Hello Gia,

    My best friend and I would build a ramp and see how high and far we could jump our bikes.  Many a good memory…and epic bike wrecks…

    Rod

    #356338
    Rod
    Participant

    Hello Tartansky,

    I can say that I never had transcranial magnetic stimulation.  What is that all about?  Was your experience positive or negative?  I would like to see what you have to say.

    Rod

    #356330
    Rod
    Participant

    Hi Sia,

    Thank you for the two cents…I drink plenty of water and eat well.  Eat plenty of vegetables, greens, etc.  I really enjoy eating salads.  My diet is very diverse.  I get plenty of protein.  I east 1 to 2 eggs a day. (one of my favorite foods)  I eat chicken, beef, pork, and fish. I do not eat a lot of sweets. My weight is steady.  It may fluctuate 3-5 pounds if I am working extra hard. Appetite, bowel and bladder habits are normal.  I do how ever experience muscle soreness and stiffness, but that is due to the outdoor work I do.  I will adapt to the work as spring and summer goes on.  I take an occasional b-12, but not for awhile.  I sleep really good when I do sleep.  My sleep is interrupted though.  My wife and I are working on accommodating that.  I have always been a light sleeper.  I have not had a check up in a long while. I take my BP at home and it is in the normal range.  I live a life of all things in moderation.  Other than being a little over weight, I am good.  Now that I can get out and do things I am working on that too.  I just turned 54 and I feel pretty good about myself.  Thank you again for caring to respond.  I appreciate your interest.  I hope you have a great day!!

    Rod

    #356176
    Rod
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    Coffee it is…since I am doing that already.  I am going to try some morning meditation with some more up beat meditation music. I found some I like on Yellow Brick Cinema.   I will see how that goes.

    You do keep tabs on “our” website…lol.  You work hard too.  Do you respond to every post in the forum?  Every post I have read, you replied at least once.  That must take some time.  I appreciate your advice and I am sure that all the others do so as well.

    Thank you

    Rod

    #356168
    Rod
    Participant

    Hello Anita,

    I was not in a very good place 9 months ago.  My wife and I have since worked things out.  Bravo on your diligence with your website.  All I was asking for was how to generate more energy in the morning from someone who has a busy life.  I am happy to do this work, and yes I get little sleep and I work hard.  I was not complaining.  I was explaining my circumstances to garner some advice  on how to energize myself in the morning.  I am sorry this post went in the wrong direction.  I thank you for your willingness to share and give advice.  All is good now on the home front.

    Thank you

    Rod

     

    #355846
    Rod
    Participant

    Hi Brandy,

    Thank you for the feedback.  I agree with you.  I have talked to my wife about this issue.  The baby sleeps in a crib in our bedroom and when he cries I am the first to hear him.  My wife could sleep through a nuclear blast.  I am going to be awake anyway so I make the bottle.  I am not a very deep sleeper at all.  It must be a habit leftover from my time in the army.  The hard part is getting moving.  Once that happens I’m good.  I don’t know.  I’ll get it figured out.

    Rod

    #331763
    Rod
    Participant

    Hello Shordeel,

    The best advice I can give you is don’t give up.  There is a job in the right place for you.  You have to keep looking and searching.  Learn from the interviews.  Keep polishing your interview skills.  Pay attention to the questions and remember them for the next interview.  Keep improving yourself in your profession.  I know rejection is discouraging, but it is what helps up be better.  I am a manager in a quality assurance company.  I had more failures than successes on my journey.  I learned more from the failures and they helped me grow.  To finish up, keep your eye on the prize and don’t lose focus on your goal.  It’s tough, but it is the tough that makes it worth it.

    Rod

    • This reply was modified 4 months, 3 weeks ago by Rod. Reason: made a mistake
    #307947
    Rod
    Participant

    Thank you Brandy for you kind response.  I will take your thoughts into consideration.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)