Hi Rod,

I wonder about the afterlife too. I was raised to believe that we’ll be reunited with those we love but I just don’t know. I hope it turns out that way.

I think that self-inflicted troubles and porn addictions are very common, and so is having no one to talk to, so maybe knowing that your troubles are no different from countless others will bring you some comfort or reduce some weariness.

B

Hi Rod.

A lot of people fight so hard to stay alive because their fear of the unknown is so strong – alongside loving the life they have still. Myself personally, I am not religious so do not believe in the ‘traditional’ views of what happens after. But I do firmly believe in making the most of what time we get. Life can be so amazing and yes, it can give you lemons too. Learning to deal with both is a lot of what the journey through is all about.

You sound exhausted. This is absolutely a safe place to write down all and anything that troubles you. If it helps lighten that heavy pack at all, it will be worth it.  You will find people here willing to help and listen, not judge.

The ‘good’ thing about knowing your troubles were self-inflicted is that it means you are aware enough of being able to change if you want to. It sounds like you are already trying, which is brave. I hope you continue to find the strength to share here.

Take care.

Dear Rod:

I will read the beginning of your original post, quote a sentence that means something to me personally and tell you what it means to me, then I will continue to read and do the same until I reach the end of your post:

“I have a peace and calm about dying”- but what about peace and calm about living? I am still working on that in my life, peace and calm in everyday of living. Once I became more aware, I realized I was afraid repeatedly throughout the day, a thought that occurred to me, something someone said, a memory, an unpleasant bodily sensation… all those triggered fear throughout my day, every day.

“The  fear is not there that many people face”- but fear is there for you, I figure.

“I am waiting for the time to come. I feel so weary physically, spiritually, and  mentally. I am ready to let go of this world and move on”- you want a change, you want to stop being afraid, or distressed, tired of experiencing life the way you have for so long. The fear I mentioned, the distress I experienced for so long drained me too, I read those words recently to describe this tiredness: a leakage of vital energy, good way to put it. with little to no peace and calm, with fear and distress, life doesn’t seem worth living.

“‘When life gives you lemons; make lemonade.’ I am tired of drinking lemonade”- probably time to say No to Lemons: when someone brings you lemon- don’t make lemonade, say no to the person and their lemon. Take no lemons and give no lemons wherever these choices are possible.

“I turned to porn”- a way out of the fear and distress, the monotony of despair of every day.

“I cannot see the sunny side of life any more”- despair: no hope, no joy.

“My wife would over react and place me in an emotional restraining hold and make unrealistic demands”- if you are no longer giving her lemons, regretted having done that and made amends for it, and she insists on giving you lemons, it may be time to say that No to Lemons, no to the people who bring you lemons.

Bottom line is I have no one to share my deepest, darkest thoughts with, who will not judge me or think I am crazy”- I think that you can share here, your deepest, darkest thoughts. I will not judge you or think you are crazy. Please do.

anita

Hi Rod,

From man to man…you are on a crossroad in your life. Seems to me like you are reviewing your life from were you are standing now. For me personally life has no opposite. Most people say that the opposite of life is death. For me the opposite of life is birth. Just another portal we go through. I guess you found the key in “I am ready to let go of this world”. You know the song of the Beatles let it be? A perfect state to be in! Your darkest thoughts are like clouds in the sky… just gently let them past…

Best of luck and namaste

jeroen

hi Rod, I don’t have any advice and I give you a hug. maybe getting out into nature would be the ticket, that’s big stuff and you can interact with it. lots of love from everyone out here you can talk to,  Ellen