August 14, 2019 at 3:25 pm #307933
Recently, I have been thinking about the end of my life. Not necessarily about death itself or how I will exit this world. I have been thinking about what the afterlife will hold. What will be there? Who will be there? I am not fearing death. I see a lot of people with terminal illnesses fighting so hard to hang on to this life. They go through treatments that seem more harsh than the illness itself, only to prolong the inevitable. I do not think that way. I have a peace and a calm about dying. The fear is not there that many people face. I am waiting for the time to come.
I feel so weary physically, spiritually, and mentally. I am ready to let go of this world and move on. (As a disclaimer….I have no intentions in harming myself.) You know the saying, “When life gives you lemons; make lemonade.” I am tired of drinking lemonade. Most of my troubles have been self-inflicted. There was a time in my life I hit bottom. Most people probably turn to drugs or alcohol to deaden the pain. Instead I turned to porn and all that it brings. So now, I have been fighting that addiction and dealing with the consequences and a lot of other stuff and I cannot see the sunny side of life any more. I feel like I am wearing a heavy pack that I cannot put down. The sad part of this is I do not have anyone that I can speak to about anything. My wife would over react and place me in an emotional restraining hold and make unrealistic demands. There are many issues that are weighing me down and I do not have the time or energy to say it all. Bottom line is I have no one to share my deepest, darkest thoughts with who will not judge me or think I am crazy. Until it comes tome for me to cross the river, I will enjoy the view of the Celestial City. Thank you for letting me ramble.August 14, 2019 at 4:22 pm #307943
I wonder about the afterlife too. I was raised to believe that we’ll be reunited with those we love but I just don’t know. I hope it turns out that way.
I think that self-inflicted troubles and porn addictions are very common, and so is having no one to talk to, so maybe knowing that your troubles are no different from countless others will bring you some comfort or reduce some weariness.
BAugust 14, 2019 at 4:41 pm #307947
Thank you Brandy for you kind response. I will take your thoughts into consideration.August 15, 2019 at 12:52 am #308071
A lot of people fight so hard to stay alive because their fear of the unknown is so strong – alongside loving the life they have still. Myself personally, I am not religious so do not believe in the ‘traditional’ views of what happens after. But I do firmly believe in making the most of what time we get. Life can be so amazing and yes, it can give you lemons too. Learning to deal with both is a lot of what the journey through is all about.
You sound exhausted. This is absolutely a safe place to write down all and anything that troubles you. If it helps lighten that heavy pack at all, it will be worth it. You will find people here willing to help and listen, not judge.
The ‘good’ thing about knowing your troubles were self-inflicted is that it means you are aware enough of being able to change if you want to. It sounds like you are already trying, which is brave. I hope you continue to find the strength to share here.
Take care.August 15, 2019 at 1:21 am #308073
The spirit never dies. It just leaves the body when death comes and unites with other spirit that have already passed. ‘They’ being loved ones wait for you on the other side to greet you. There are countless anecdotes from people who have had near death experiences who can verify this and testify to it not having been the right time for them to leave their earthly existence.
That heavy pack will be made lighter by sharing the load. Taking time to express your thoughts in writing them down is time well spent. Even if you don’t want to share them with this forum, there is always someone willing to listen. Shine a light on your darkest thoughts and see them for what they are – just thoughts. Shadows are not created without the sun. The sun is there whether you choose to see it or not.
One last thought – just because someone else has placed burdens upon you, it doesn’t mean you have to carry them forever. The road to health and well being lays in letting go of all the mental/emotional issues that are not serving you very well and living in the present. Ramble away with a backpack full of healthy, nutritious food and drink and perhaps a compass to guide you to a safe haven of light and love.
PeggyAugust 15, 2019 at 6:51 am #308085
I will read the beginning of your original post, quote a sentence that means something to me personally and tell you what it means to me, then I will continue to read and do the same until I reach the end of your post:
“I have a peace and calm about dying”- but what about peace and calm about living? I am still working on that in my life, peace and calm in everyday of living. Once I became more aware, I realized I was afraid repeatedly throughout the day, a thought that occurred to me, something someone said, a memory, an unpleasant bodily sensation… all those triggered fear throughout my day, every day.
“The fear is not there that many people face”- but fear is there for you, I figure.
“I am waiting for the time to come. I feel so weary physically, spiritually, and mentally. I am ready to let go of this world and move on”- you want a change, you want to stop being afraid, or distressed, tired of experiencing life the way you have for so long. The fear I mentioned, the distress I experienced for so long drained me too, I read those words recently to describe this tiredness: a leakage of vital energy, good way to put it. with little to no peace and calm, with fear and distress, life doesn’t seem worth living.
“‘When life gives you lemons; make lemonade.’ I am tired of drinking lemonade”- probably time to say No to Lemons: when someone brings you lemon- don’t make lemonade, say no to the person and their lemon. Take no lemons and give no lemons wherever these choices are possible.
“I turned to porn”- a way out of the fear and distress, the monotony of despair of every day.
“I cannot see the sunny side of life any more”- despair: no hope, no joy.
“My wife would over react and place me in an emotional restraining hold and make unrealistic demands”- if you are no longer giving her lemons, regretted having done that and made amends for it, and she insists on giving you lemons, it may be time to say that No to Lemons, no to the people who bring you lemons.
Bottom line is I have no one to share my deepest, darkest thoughts with, who will not judge me or think I am crazy”- I think that you can share here, your deepest, darkest thoughts. I will not judge you or think you are crazy. Please do.
anitaAugust 15, 2019 at 4:23 pm #308143
I believe more and more in reincarnation. I believe in heaven as well. I also believe that part of us lives on in our children. I additionally believe we return to the Earth. There are many soul aspects to us.
May you find peace in several of them!
InkyAugust 15, 2019 at 8:12 pm #308165
From man to man…you are on a crossroad in your life. Seems to me like you are reviewing your life from were you are standing now. For me personally life has no opposite. Most people say that the opposite of life is death. For me the opposite of life is birth. Just another portal we go through. I guess you found the key in “I am ready to let go of this world”. You know the song of the Beatles let it be? A perfect state to be in! Your darkest thoughts are like clouds in the sky… just gently let them past…
Best of luck and namaste
jeroenAugust 16, 2019 at 7:17 pm #308295
I’d recommend reading a book called Seth Speaks.August 16, 2019 at 7:17 pm #308311
hi Rod, I don’t have any advice and I give you a hug. maybe getting out into nature would be the ticket, that’s big stuff and you can interact with it. lots of love from everyone out here you can talk to, Ellen