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I’m diagnosed as Asperger autistic about 3 years ago. The main things that shows this syndrome in me is about how I understand the world (and not only being alone and so on). For example my problems about understanding some social stuff without having clear definition or logic. Or my issues for understanding jokes and so on. And when I was a child I also struggled about this kind of social stuff a lot and I could not understand a lot of social conventions by myself unlike other children in our school. So I created my own world in my life. When I was about 15-16 years old I was reading books from Sartre or Albert Camus instead of being with my friends for example. I learned languages, graphic design and programming skills and so on alone at home and I didn’t have friends in university and school at all because I could not understand how those social stuff are going. How I should act in particular situation and they always found me too serious or mysterious… maybe.
We in our family don’t have real connection with each other. My father is always silent (absolutely silent, you can only hear hello from him) and my mother have her own world. We are not in close connection and I didn’t receive any support from them Even in my study and working life.
And again, Thanks for your attention Anita.
About work: Everything was pretty fine and I had a plan for visiting her in April but suddenly the economy of my country gone wrong and our national money lost the value (This happened really suddenly, during only 2 weeks maybe). I live in middle eastern country and here the situation is not stable. Just imagine what happened in Venezuela about their money, we had/have a similar situation. So I asked her for more time. but…
She didn’t came to me because she did not have work for a long time and she was struggling for finding a job.
About that girl who was trying to change me: The problem was not only about dresses and so on but about lifestyle and how we think. Here the average people lives and thinks really different from the rest of the world and I can’t accept their way. We didn’t have anything in common for talking about. For example, someday we were together for about 4 hours in city and during that time, I swear that I said only “Hello” and “Goodbye “. Really nothing more. I could not accept or even respect her opinion about a lot of things and she could not understand even what I’m thinking about. We only live in a same city but really in different worlds. And I have the same problem with my whole society (of course there are exception) and therefore I don’t have friends now even in my country and I’m only in serious contact with my friends from other countries online.
I could not make conversation with that girl for more than 10 minutes. I was always silent and hearing her opinions about the world. She was always thinking how other people around her is thinking and how her friends speaks. I can’t imagine that she read a book (not from her university) in her whole life.
Sometimes I even could not find words which she could understand. Our vocabulary was essentially different because I always was at home and reading books and I was not (and still I’m not) with other people in my country and so my world is really different. Maybe my autism cause it. idk.
For example now I can talk for 10 hours about how Murakami thinks in the book Kafka on the shore or how Buddha changed his life after seeing those situations in the city far from the palace and so on.
They are my hobbies. But when I talk about this kind of stuff with other people here, they only say “Ah, amazing” and then they try to speak about the last Instagram story from an actor who was talking about dresses! And this is the good case. It could be even dangerous. I remember one day I said something about Buddhism to someone and that opinion was not really similar to common faith in the country so he was really angry about what I said. That girl was also in the same way and I could not speak about my belief and imagine that I was hiding my belief from my girlfriend…Everything is pretty complicated and I’m thinking how I can solve this whole situation. For solving serious things about working life and so on I need be calm and being with friends/girlfriend but I can’t do it. I can figure out how I can solve finance problems but when I’m totally alone and depressed I can’t do something.
I’m searching ideas about how I can be with people or if it is not possible now, How I can be alone but not depressed for being able to solve this situation.
I started this topic about 1 year ago when I was 22 years old.
Now I’m 23 years old.
I left that girl who was trying to change me and after her I started a new relationship with a girl who was about 12 years older than me but she really understood me and I felt really well with her. She was fine with everything that I was/am.
But the problem was our distance.
She was not in my town and even not in mu country.
I needed time for being able to go to her country but everything was pretty good and I was trying too hard for earning money and being able to join her, she decided to end the relationship because she felt that she should take serious steps and waiting for me was not good choice.
Everything was happened so quickly and… okay… I’m now in the same situation when I was 1 year ago.
Pretty alone (actually more alone) and I really don’t know how I can fix this issue.
I feel that I can’t find the right person in my city (because the culture, maybe, they don’t like to accepte someone like me as I am) and of course I really fear of being in relationship with someone who is in other country or city (because my last experience)and I really don’t know what I should do…
I’m seeking ideas.
I really can’t be alone for my whole life of course and I don’t like to be in bad relationship (like that one in my city)
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