Hi Annie,

I agree with Abraham that you need to look deep inside and listen to the voice of your intuition (the quiet calm voice that just knows what you really want to do – not the load chatter of your fear).

I would perhaps go one step further though once you are clear on what your inner voice wants you to know, and ask yourself would you rather continue to speculate or would you rather know? I’m with Abraham on you needing to be honest – and that comes with vulnerability and acting from a place of the most genuine of intentions. There is no guarantee here that he will be willing to open up in return to you, or where this could go, that’s not something that’s within your control. We cannot predict how other people will feel or behave, all we can do is share ourselves I suppose in the most beautiful and open way and trust that our intentions will bring us what we most want in the end, even if it’s not the the shape or size we may have initially pictured.

I suppose it comes down to where you want to spend your energy – on running through memories and what ifs or on knowing with clarity what you want and where you stand. Either way you’re going to need two things here; vulnerability and courage. I’ve recently been battling with these two things myself in a big way in my own personal and romantic life, and while it is so scary to put yourself out there, I’ve found that it is so much scarier to have a brain full of infinite what if stories.

Have courage Annie, either to reach out or to not, either way it can only bring the very best into your life 🙂

I’ve literally just registered to be able to reply to your post, and hope this helps though I am definitely no expert. I’m relatively new to the Tiny Buddha world but felt like I wanted to reach out as I recognise myself from a few years ago in what you’re saying.

More than anything I think you sound really scared right now, which is probably leading to you feeling so stuck. And there is no worse feeling than that. The thing is that it’s the fear that causes you to be stuck, not the actual event or situation itself. I get the feeling that you’re currently in a bit of a panic and you’re putting a lot of things out there out of fear, either with your ex or your job or whatever, so that you don’t have to feel so awful right now. The thing that I’ve realised over the last few months is that the more you try and hide from your pain, the worse it will feel. If you try and force your way to feeling better and so bypass the pain you unfortunately only tend to intensify it.

My suggestion would be that instead of trying to outrun your pain, just let it be without trying to analyse it or judge it. Allow it to be and give it the space and compassion to run its natural course. It will feel awful, but if you don’t fight it the pain will subside. And then simply breathe. You don’t have to have this figured out right now. The only thing you need know is that the power to be happy is inside of you, and no external thing will give this to you if you cannot feel it inside first. That’s what I read into your post more than anything, you’re just looking a way to be happy again.

Be kind to yourself and give yourself the time to feel your pain. I read somewhere recently that when we feel stuck it’s simply life, or the universe or whatever showing you a way for you to grow or a way for you to learn something you need to. Focus on yourself first then you’ll feel stronger and less anxious when it comes to making all these decisions.

I really hope this helps. Wishing you all the best.