Home→Forums→Relationships→frndship in love..or love in frndship
- This topic has 12 replies, 3 voices, and was last updated 10 years, 5 months ago by
@Jasmine-3.
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July 11, 2014 at 3:48 am #60614
PurposeParticipantHello everyone…im in mid of situation where im feeling i hav lesser role to play..than to pray for things to get better… pls tel me what shall i do or suggest this person i used to b frnz wid
so here it comes
We were grad frnz..he had a grl frnd during grad..which he met after we became v gud frnz..
In d middle he was lost in her love n forgot abt us..for few days..then he was back..he used to talk well..We used meet in groups..he used to tel me i awesome he feels in my company..n al
so it was gud..before he broke up frndship sayng his relationship suffers bcoz of r frndship
this text was a turning pt in my life..i got depressed bcoz i had never expected my long time buddy to.say this to.me on my face..i was numb for months… then i was better..now ok
After what al he said..i never talked or contacted..he contacted me few months back..it was a chat on phone then he again cald up few days back n said.. he loved me from day one.. i mean it came to me as a shock..what d hell he was doing wid his gf..he is not truthful..towards her..toward himself also.. he mentioned that he never had d guts to say this to me.. then i asked why he is doing al dis now…when apparently his relation is going grt.. he had no answer… he likes to keep her happy but doesnt love her anymore..or never lobed her..that i dont knw.. but sometimes i think..hw wud she react when she wil come to knw al dis..m really worried for his gf…
can anyone tel me hw can i help save der relation..or make my frnd realize what he is doing or stop me from balming myself for d sifuation..m totally confused…
He says he keeps her more than happy..people cal der relation a perfect relationship… Still he has al thos in his mind abt a frnd..he had lost way back…
pls help.. thanks
i can clarify if any details required..July 11, 2014 at 3:51 am #60616PurposeParticipantSorry for d poor writing..my apologies…
July 11, 2014 at 6:26 am #60622
sammykinsParticipantPurpose this all seems like a hard situation for you.
It seems to me reading this that there are a few things you might want to ask yourself. Like how do you feel about his declaration of love for you? Do you see him as only a friend? Or do you feel the same?
I think the main thing though is that as hard is it may be you cannot take on the burden of his words or actions. He is in his relationship by choice, and he has said these things to you by choice. Only he can make a change. Of course you feel bad, of course you worry about him and his girlfriend but his situation is of his own making and so nothing you can do or say will fix this for him. That is an inside job for him to complete. There is nothing wrong with being a good, supportive friend if you think that is needed in this situation, but it’s important to keep your boundaries in tact and not allow his stress and drama to pull you into the middle.
The most important thing I’ve found that helps me in situations is to stop rushing and worrying and trying to find the perfect answer. Do nothing, just sit and be and let your feelings come in and pass through you naturally and freely with compassion. Then when you feel calmer check with your intuition what you should do. It will be the quiet voice whispering to you underneath all the mind chatter and loud external drama.
I hope this helps? Sending you all the best.
July 11, 2014 at 9:00 am #60626PurposeParticipantSammykins.. thanks so much.. u r such a kind soul
im really thankful to u dat you read n replied to it…
ya i dint mention dat.. he was always a sweet frnd..n i always took v good care of him… but feelings wer never der…
i dont knw how can someone say this after so long…n dat too being in a relationship in which he is happy…
i will keep ur advise in my mind n wil handle it calmly
If anythng else i can tel..pls let me knw..
n once again..thanks for al ur words
may Universe brings best things in your life..al what u want rite now..in ur life.. God Bless YouJuly 11, 2014 at 9:44 pm #60661
@Jasmine-3ParticipantThanks Sammykins. Agree with what you have written 🙂
Hi Purpose
Thanks for challenging my mind with your short hand English. What is with the young souls nowadays and their short hands ? What has happened to English language in the technology advanced world ? lol I have so much still to learn from you guys !!!
Getting to the main point: this guy is confused and he is trying to involve you in his confusion. He doesn’t love you and nor can he ever love you in the future as a potential partner material. Please do not waste your previous positive energy and time on these feelings with this lovely friend of yours.
You have such a beautiful life in front of you. Please keep moving forward 🙂
Blessings,
Jasmine
July 11, 2014 at 9:54 pm #60662@Jasmine-3Participantprevious = precious
July 12, 2014 at 10:10 am #60720PurposeParticipanthello @sammykins and @Jasmine-3 🙂 thankyou for replying..
i was in so much of emotional pressure..that cudnt write properly coz i wanted to write n tel so much..but was not able to do so..
@jasmine-3 im really not that young..i think u r tooo young..( im not taking age as my base of writing this) becoz u hav such a fresh thinking n way of seeing things..i saw ur posts earlier also..n i want to thankyou from bottom of my heart for replying to those who really need the push..:) thats really sweet of you..
in my situation..i have explained him that his gf is his priority..if he is wid her..that means he is happy in this relation..so no point thinking on oder things.. i prayed for him..i m trying to be more compassionate towards him.. but all this has made me think too much on Human Nature..i mean.. how can we be wid full commitment with somebody..apparently happy n enjoing n yet have a special feeling n place intact for someone… i m shocked.. its been long that they r committed,..still he had d guts to tel me abt his love n feelings for me..he said he has never missed anyone in his life ever..like he has missed me.. twas strange ..n its harder to think hw people r ..n complex relations r made..just by ignoring our thoughts…
im thankful that he confessed..i think this will bring him some peace in coming days n he might start forgetting me n al d related things…
my prayers r wid both of them…
thanks 🙂July 12, 2014 at 7:27 pm #60740@Jasmine-3ParticipantThanks Purpose for your kindness.
Hey, just curious, how is your health ?
July 13, 2014 at 4:53 am #60758PurposeParticipantHello @Jasmine-3 how r u doing.. thankyou so much for caring..
im good.. health is fine..
im little worried abt his gf.. n my frnd..
i dont knw how he is feeling rite now..hw they wil deal wid dis..m empathizing wid dem.. n praying for strength n clarity..in der lives…
🙂
U knw @Jasmine-3 i felt so gud dat u asked me.. I wish i cud meet u n give a hug.. { } { hug}
thanks.. m fine..n taking care
u tel..all well O:-)July 14, 2014 at 3:35 am #60815@Jasmine-3ParticipantHi Purpose
Hugs back.
You seem like someone who is quite caring and empathetic towards people / friends. I am far from being that way. So much to learn from you 🙂
The reason I asked about your health was because sometimes when we worry too much about others, our own bodies become inundated with the emotions and start to show signs of distress. However, I am glad to know that you are well and the worrying about mates is not causing you any mental or physical grief.
Keep in touch and keep us all in your prayers. Dun worry so much about your friend and his gf – I am sure it will all work out fine for them.
Jas
July 15, 2014 at 11:25 am #60973PurposeParticipantHi @Jasmine-3 how are u..
thankyou sooo much for your kind words..ahh..i feel soo gooood..i cant tel u..
jas i can just tel u that i believe that we all just a smile or ‘hello’ away from each oder.. we all are made of same ingredients..we all want love safety friendship..security n fun in life….. in this quest some become littel different some indifferent n some compasionate…. we dont knw each oder ..but see how u replied to me..n trust me..i felt very nice..i felt i was taken care of..i felt somebody was der to listen …to knw how i was feeling.. we all one… so no point in hatred n jealousy or any negative emotions.. though i become sad manyatimes when i feel left out by people i care for..but then i bring peace to me by practicing Compassion…
n jas i wud like to tel u dat u r a wonderful person..despite of ur claims of not being caring n empathetic..trust me.. i hav read ur other posts here..n im glad we hav u here.. a person wid balanced thinking an dapproach towards life.. u use heart n mind wisely in situations… 🙂
thanks for healing… yaa pls keep in touch 🙂July 15, 2014 at 11:28 am #60976PurposeParticipanthehe..sorry for missing words in btw,, 🙂
July 15, 2014 at 8:03 pm #61011@Jasmine-3ParticipantNo worries Purpose.
I agree with what you have written. I have also come to learn that we can only give out what we have. If we have love, we automatically radiate love like how you do it in your posts. It is just in your character. If we have judgements and resentment towards everything, it comes out that way as well, doesnt it ?
I am a work in progress and I plan to keep it this way until the day I leave 🙂
Will keep in touch.
Jasmine
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