Dear Anna,

You have so much to give even if you think you don’t. Those who reject you and difficult situations do not define you. You are the only you that will ever be. You can take your power back by believing in yourself. You don’t need to win the world over. You need to be true to yourself, whatever that means. That will give the bravery to get through this. You are not alone. I’m glad you are asking for help. I have been through a recent trial of med changes for my bipolar where I was struggling with hallucinations and also cannot work am on disability. Luckily that has been solved. I barely survived mental health crises all my life. So I know that there’s a force in this world of good that holds us together. It doesn’t matter what you call it – God, universe…but know that there’s good working in your life. You just can’t see it. Somehow you will use this part of your story to make yourself strong and help others. You are the only one who can share your story. So be open. Be more vulnerable. Allow people to see this side of you.

Sarah

Also you’re welcome.

You’re being very hard on yourself and thinking you “should”  be a certain way, that your life “should” be a certain way and that your worth comes from others’ acceptance of you. I am autistic and socially awkward. I’m an introvert on disability for bipolar. I am shy around people I don’t know. I’ve tried volunteering, meetups and facebook groups. I get it. We sometimes hit a wall of “Where do I go next? Who do I become?” But let me be clear – that’s where your breakthrough happens. You must break through that wall with your dreams, goals, relationship with yourself and humanity found even if you feel you have nothing. I don’t know who you are or what your life has been like, but I have experienced similar feelings. This is not your unbecoming. This is you needing help. And that’s okay. It doesn’t mean YOU are wrong, bad or worthless. It just means you need a hand up and some kindness. Sometimes kindness is hard to find in this world. But you can start with being kind to yourself. You deserve to be here. You are good. You are beautiful. You are enough exactly as you are in this moment. You do not have to fret about others’ getting it. If they don’t, they aren’t worth chasing. Find something you love to pour your heart into even if it doesn’t make sense to others. If you want to continue venting here, that’s a way to make some connections.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 10 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.

I read your comment. He is truly an abuser. These are all abusive behaviors. I hope you get out.

Javier,

Look up on youtube: Life Without Limbs: Nick Vujicic Ministries

He has a lot of inspirational messages. How about try to watch daily? I’ve also started watching Fresh Anointing on youtube.

There are many more.

I’m glad you are forgiving people. You said that you still hold a lot of resentment. I would say you might want to forgive but your emotional state isn’t matching that intention. Anger is okay but it points to something deeper.

I like how you told advice that you are going through something too and it was okay to be lost sometimes.

I worry a lot and can think in all-or-nothing thinking. If one thing goes wrong, I think all is wrong. And vice versa with being right. I don’t ALWAYS think like this. But I often do. I realized that my brain was telling me one thing and my soul was telling me another. My brain tells me to think small and be scared. My soul tells me to expand and live for God and meaning and purpose and something greater than myself. My brain wants me to be defeated and joyless. My soul wants me to be like a child again full of wonder and joy. It’s a constant battle. It’s a spiritual battle and we are ALL going through it.

Like you told that stranger on that forum, you are not alone in your suffering. I’m not going anywhere. I know it’s hard right now. I can’t help you to find all the answers. It’s going to be hard. But you have nothing to worry about. The worst is over. You have PTSD. It’s just processing life and picking yourself up again and leaning on God. I would say that my faith helps me a lot. I don’t know yours but whatever holds meaning for you spiritually, it’s time to listen to it.

We can’t know what’s going to happen. I can’t tell you it’s all going to turn around. All I can tell you is that I’m here for you. I hope that you know you are worth helping. I see good in you. I see a person who has promise. I see a person who is caring. I see a person who is just scared. That’s all it is. You are just scared. And you have every right to be. You’re still here aren’t you? That’s your sign that it’s okay to let go now. For a moment, set it all down. For a moment, release your struggles and exhale. You are Beloved. You are enough. You are good. You are going to be okay once you get a handle on your emotional state. That’s what you are up against – your brain is trying to work you up into defeatism. You can’t see through it, but I can. I can tell you that you are punishing yourself and holding onto anger towards past injustices. You haven’t released your grip once even a little bit. Try surrendering.

I’ll be here to hold space with you too.

Again, I ask you- what would you tell someone in your position?

Sarah

• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.
• This reply was modified 3 years, 5 months ago by Sarah Jeanne Browne.

Okay let’s focus on one of your positives.

• Protecting and caring – P

How are you protective and caring?

When have you protected and cared for someone?

How does it feel to protect and care?

How can you protect and care for others and yourself now?

What does being compassionate look like for you?

How do you find purpose in compassion? Where can you use this compassion to create meaning for your life? Who can you help?

Start there. 🙂

Javier,

You are doing better than you think. You know the flaws of your therapists, you’re able to recognize and identify your feelings, you know to come to this forum and you know not to attempt again (i hope). So see that. That is hopeful. That is good.

Answers don’t come easy. They take some self discovery. Your therapist is a tool to get there but it’s up to you to do the work.

I recently have had “I Can Only Imagine” by Mercy Me on repeat. I implore you to listen to their music. It helps ground me and helps me cope.

When you meditate, there’s something called “centering prayer.” You invite God into that space with you. A lot of Buddhists simply meditate and sit with silence for enlightenment. Which works to an extent. But an extra step is to commune with God when this happens. See what He wants to say to you.

I know this site is Buddhist-ish but I’m a mix of Christian and that. I actually have had the same struggles with you of despair. I recently had a side effect to a med that I thought would ruin my life. Instead, I found a solution to it, and I’m better now. But in the moment, I thought it was the end. I catastrophized (much like you are doing) that this meant I had to change meds which would be a bad situation which would lead me to end it. I really thought about ending it. Then things turned around unexpectedly. I’m so happy that I get to share this experience with you and that I lived. I am here because of God’s guidance to hold on.

What you’re missing is that connection. You are waiting on others (including this forum) to tell you what to think and feel, to give yourself permission to love yourself. Well we don’t have all the answers.

What would you tell someone else going through your situation? Turn towards self-compassion.

You WILL live. It’s just hard right now. And it’s okay to acknowledge that it’s hard. I’m not going anywhere. Keep venting, keep finding the beauty of life through the brokenness. Life might surprise as it did me recently.

Sarah